


9 Crimes

by earthlostgirl



Category: Cowboy Bebop (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Violence, Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gun Violence, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lies, Problems, Sad, Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Violence, tagging is hard, very bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 47,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthlostgirl/pseuds/earthlostgirl
Summary: This is an AU, where Spike doesn't leave the syndicate and meets Faye in a completely different way.
Relationships: Julia/Spike Spiegel, Julia/Vicious (Cowboy Bebop), Spike Spiegel/Faye Valentine
Comments: 84
Kudos: 83





	1. Stuck On You

"I have a job for you," Mao said, sliding a paper over the table.

He nodded because he didn't need any more words. Mao smiled politely.

"Be careful, Spike."

"I always do, boss."

...

The place had a huge window, where he saw a dark-haired waitress who served the scarce clientele. To say scarcely was to be generous, there were only three men there, sitting at a table, playing cards.

He went to the bar and asked for a whiskey. The waitress smiled at him from ear to ear, but there was something false and studied in her smile.

She was excessive, her skirt was too short and her shirt too tight. A lot of makeup and a lot of perfume.

"A quiet night?" he asked to make conversation.

"Yes, no one else is coming today," she carefully scanned him. "You're the note that goes out of tune."

"I'm looking for Declan."

"He will not come tonight, neither he nor his friends"

"Are you sure about that?

"Yes."

The men at the table called her " girl" " chief" and other delicacies that she chose to ignore.

If he were a less perceptive man, he would have fallen for the role of the good girl she was playing with those three drunks.

She had very long legs. Holy shit. 

When she turned around to go back to the bar she realized he was looking at her, so she moistened her lips and smiled.

"Aren't you going to take another drink?" she asked, removing his empty glass from the table.

"Bring another whiskey."

A young and very nervous boy came through the door, placed himself on the other side of where he was, and whispered something in the ear of the waitress.

She opened a small box next to the cash register and returned to the front counter with a vial of Red Eye that she slipped to the guy who gave her a wad of money. Which the woman placed in the back pocket of her skirt.

The guy looked at him for a second and left the bar in a hurry.

"You haven't hidden a bit, I could be a cop" Spike noted among incredulous and amused.

"You aren't a cop," she replied with the most authentic smile she had given all night.

"How are you so sure?"

"Cops have very specific body language, their gestures betray them."

"I could be faking it."

"Are you going to arrest me?"

" Give me another whiskey, will ya?"

She filled his glass, with a very careful, almost seductive gesture.

They talked about some nonsense, the weather, the news, nothing special. He was just waiting for them to be alone. After all, he had work to do.

Even if it was a shame.

Several hours and many whiskies later, the waitress swept the three drunks from the room.

"It's closing time, cowboy," she said as she put the dirty glasses in the dishwasher.

"Will you give a message to Declan,?" he finally asked, knowing what was coming next.

"Whatever you want," she replied.

She didn't even blink when he pointed the gun at her. She just folded her arms and stared at him through her huge green eyes. Gorgeous eyes indeed.

"Aren't you scared?" he asked without lowering the gun.

"I have nothing to lose," she answered in a calm voice, without looking away.

"You're pretty sure about that."

The waitress smiled in a cynical way and lifted her shirt showing a huge bruise on her hip. "The one person who would miss me gave me this in order to come to work tonight, probably knowing that someone would come to give him a message," she sighed, challenging him with a look. "So I repeat, I have nothing to lose.

"If you knew that, why don't you leave?" 

"I don't have the key to the cage" without worrying about the gun that was pointed at her, she lit a cigarette and let the smoke escape very slowly out of her lips. 

"The door is right there," Spike said, nodding towards the exit of the bar.

"Ha, I've slept in the street and been hungry, a slap from time to time is a price I'm willing to pay"

"You don't do that with a slap," he stated, pointing to her hip with his free hand.

"Nuances" she clarified without hiding her voice's anger. 

"What about sex?"A shadow crossed her beautiful eyes and he saw her swallow.

"It's part of the price," she mumbled in defiance.

"So you're basically a whore" he added with a joking tone.

"I'd rather say I'm a survivor, but whore is fine if you like, but you're somebody's whore too" she crossed her arms. "Or is your moral compass broken? Is it worse to fuck for money than to kill?

"I'm not judging you, sweetheart."

"No, you're pointing a gun at me and you're calling me names," she sighed and raised her arms with an ironic gesture in her face. "Or do you get horny if I beg for my life? I'm pretty good at pretending...

That made him smile, he put the gun away and placed it back in its holster. The woman sighed very subtly but he heard it clearly.

"Where can I find him?" he asked, the night ended here but he still had work to do. 

"I don't know, he comes when he wants and does what he wants," she whispered, turning her back on him. 

"I see" he raised his eyes to look at her, but she didn't listen to him, instead she started to clean.

"I have to pick up the damn bar, get out," she grunted without even looking at him. 

He took the trench coat off the chair and did what she asked.

...

  
The pool room was full of smoke and the jukebox was playing at a considerable volume. Vicious and Julia were there, just as he expected. The black suit she was wrapped in stole his breath, hid it as best he could, and approached them.

  
"A clean job?" asked his friend as soon as he saw him.

"There was nothing there but a waitress and three drunks, it wasn't worth my time" he replied raising his hand to ask for a bottle of beer, and took a cue stick to join the game.

"So the waitress had a pretty face eh" Vicious grimaced at him and he showed him his middle finger.

The spark of jealousy that he could see in Julia's eyes, made his heart soar.

"Someday a woman will be your downfall," Vicious added, bringing him the beer.

"I don't think Declan gives a shit about any damage we did there," he hit the pool balls that went around the table in a mess. "I'll think of something better."

"You're lucky to be Mao's spoiled boy, Spike," Julia added, running her hand over Vicious' back. He grabbed her and kissed her hair before grabbing the cue to continue the play

"She's right and you know it" Vicious made his move, wonderful as always, and handed him back the cue with a smile of arrogance.

"Someday you'll lose," he smiled back at his friend and toasted with their bottles.

"Did you see the stolen Red Eye?" Julia asked, sitting at the pool table and lighting a cigarette.

"No" he didn't even know why he was lying. "I'm telling you, there was nothing interesting in that shithole."

"We'll take care of that, Julia, I'm tired of talking about work," Vicious added, sitting her on his lap while Spike opened a new game.

They played a couple for a while, as usual, he lost them all.

...

  
He went home trying to hide his bitterness, he couldn't bear seeing Julia in Vicious' arms, he couldn't bear betraying his friend. He couldn't bear not being in control.

His apartment was old, he was the only one who hadn't moved to the rich part of town. He had always had a hard time letting go of things. And luxury had never mattered to him. He left his trench coat on the sofa and lit the umpteenth cigarette of the night while watching the busy city life through the window.

  
Someone knocked at the door, Julia was waiting on the other side, with a sweet smile on her lips and hair falling on her shoulders. She closed the door behind her and leaned against the wall.

"Good night, Spike" she whispered

"Good night, Julia," he replied, unable to take his eyes off her.

She stepped forward and put her arms around him, kissing his neck.

"You smell like him," he muttered, but he still couldn't push her away.

"So let's go to the shower," she unbuttoned the buttons on his shirt, covering him with kisses.

"Julia..." the name escaped almost in a gasp from his lips. "This is wrong."

"Someday you'll have to choose between him and me" she ran his hands over his shoulders and dropped his shirt on the floor.

"That's my line, Jules," he replied, grabbing her butt tightly to hold her close to him.

"You know it..." Julia bit his neck, as he slid the zipper of her tight black leather jumpsuit.

"I know."

Fuck it all, he loved her, he wanted her, she was his, at that moment, nothing mattered.

Just her hot mouth tearing off kisses, her hair tickling his skin. Her warm, deep voice gasping his name in his ear.

Julia naked in his arms tonight was the only thing that mattered to him.


	2. Rain Season

The street clinic was pitiful, crowded with people, knife wounds, children with snot, bloody noses. Everything you expect to find in a place where people don't pay for care and where they don't ask you questions. He dragged himself into the waiting room, holding his injured shoulder with a hand. The blood covered his hand and hurt like a thousand hells.  
  
Sitting in one of the chairs, the waitress from the other day was reading a book not paying attention to what was going on around her. An involuntary smile came over his face. He sat in front of her and nodded. The girl winced at the sight of him.  
  
"You've been shot," she said in surprise.  
  
"Wow, you're a doctor as well as a whore," he replied cynically as he settled into the plastic chair.  
  
"Did you get raised by a herd of chimps or are you just an asshole?" she said turning the page of the book in anger.  
  
"I like the fury in your eyes," he remarked boldly, leaning forward.  
  
"Are you trying to hit on me?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in a soft tone of voice that didn't hide her irony. "Like that?"  
  
"I just want to have fun with you, but my heart is busy," he said, raising his right hand.  
  
"You know you're not wearing a ring, right?" she pointed crossing her legs.  
  
"Fuck you," that made him angrier than he expected.  
  
"Oh, have I offended the psycho-killer? She faked a pout of sadness and took her hand to the heart, faking an apology.  
  
"I'm not a psycho, girl," he smiled in a sarcastic way when she rolled her eyes.  
  
She turned her attention back to the book and Spike, knowing it made her nervous, put his chin in his hand, and kept his eyes on her. The girl looked at him from the corner of her eye from time to time, but she was pretty good at ignoring him.  
  
* Faye Valentine, please come to the reception desk to pick up your results*.  
  
When she heard the speaker, she got up, although she made a quite rude gesture to him. She spent some time talking to the nurse. Who gave her some documents that she placed in her purse. The girl looked at the exit door, but instead of leaving, she went back to him.  
  
"So Faye Valentine, huh? It's nice, it suits you," he said with all the honesty he could muster.  
  
"I told her to take care of the idiot who got shot," she said without replying to his comment.  
  
"Why?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders but said nothing.  
  
"Spike, right? You can come in," another nurse said, moving closer to them with a tablet in her hand, from which she didn't take her eyes off. "Your partner can pass with you."  
  
He stood up and gave her a nod, Faye walked behind him, chuckling. She didn't know if she was following him out of curiosity or if she wanted something from him. But the point is that she followed him to the nurse's station.  
  
"Spike huh?" Faye finally broke into a laugh. "You have a dog's name."  
  
"How original you are," he grunted, taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt to leave the wound exposed.  
  
It wasn't the first time he had been shot, but that didn't mean it hurt less.  
  
Faye leaned against the wall in front of him, watching carefully what the nurse was doing. A forty-year-old black woman who was anything but gentle.  
  
"I have to report the shot. You know that" she said in the same reproachful tone of voice she would use with a teenage son.  
  
"The Syndicate would appreciate it if you didn't," he replied.  
  
The nurse gave him a hard look but said nothing, just got up to get a bandage from the closet. After all, the limited funds available to the clinic came from the donations of the Red Dragon. Calling donations to money laundering was laughable to him. But that's the way it is. He raised his eyes to look at the girl who was paler than she already was. The mere mention of the Syndicate was terrifying to anyone who knew what the street was like. He was used to it. It was sad, but most of the time he could take advantage of it. Faye looked at him for a second and huffed, holding a word that died on her lips.  
  
The nurse prescribed some analgesics and sent them away as fast as she could.  
  
It was rainy season in Tharsis; Faye unfurled a yellow umbrella, with no intention of sharing it.  
  
"Will you cover me until a cab arrives?" he asked shamelessly, taking the tobacco out of his pocket and hanging a cigarette from his lips.  
  
"If you give me one of those," she replied, with her hand extended to him.  
  
"Deal" he offered her the cigarette that was hanging from his mouth and she made a grin of disgust, he smiled and threw the tobacco-box at her.  
  
Faye covered him with her umbrella as she lit her cigarette and handed him a small purple lighter.  
  
"You have a broken rib" that wasn't a question, he was pretty clear about it, as clear as the reason for it.  
  
"How do you...?" the confusion in his eyes was funny to him.  
  
"The way you move, I've had broken ribs before," Spike said, taking the umbrella out of her hand, it was easier for him to hold it, he was taller after all.   
  
"It's none of your business," she muttered, crossing one arm over her abdomen.  
  
"I didn't say it was."  
  
It was raining a lot and quite cold, he was wearing a pretty thick denim jacket, but Faye was only wearing a strapless dress. But she didn't seem to notice the temperature.  
  
They were silent until a cab stopped in front of them.  
  
"Thanks for the roof," he said, handing back her umbrella.  
  
"Yeah... whatever... " she replied by waving her hand. " Bye, Spike" she added with a mocking tone to his name.  
  
"Bye, Valentine"  
  
...  
  
Everyone was there, it was still raining outside and he was attentively watching those who were around. The twins were chatting with Mao, Vicious leaning on the wall, doing the same thing as him. Be attentive to every word, every gesture to every person present in that room.  
  
"What is the point of all this fuss?" Julia's voice sounded behind him.  
  
"No idea," he said turning around to see her arrive.  
  
"I heard you've been shot," she said leaning against the wall next to him. She smiled but her eyes didn't, he couldn't read whether there was concern in them or just disappointment.  
  
"It doesn't matter," he replied, looking into the room where everything was still moving.  
  
"Why haven't you come to my house? I would have taken care of you, just like last time. She looked ahead too, and he noticed how she greeted someone on the other side of the room.  
  
"You don't live where you did last time," he replied with a smile as he shrugged.  
  
"Does it matter?" Julia stepped away from the wall and stood in front of him.  
  
"No."  
  
She stared at him, up to his soul, as if she knew every one of his secrets. There was no way for him to hide from her. Or he was just a transparent idiot and she very smart.  
  
One of Mao's assistants, whose name he didn't know, gave a loud clap and everyone paid attention. Julia moved closer to Vicious and rested her head on his shoulder. And he was invisible to her again. And he was jealous again.  
  
Mao spoke to them with his calm yet firm, serious voice. That meant only one thing. Trouble.  
  
Someone was stealing Red Eye, someone from the syndicate, Declan's little thing was bigger than they suspected at first. That bastard wasn't some asshole who had stolen from the Red Dragon by mistake, he was an asshole who was working against them. Actively. And someone was betraying them. Someone who was in that very room, getting the warning. Or maybe they hadn't gotten that high and the traitor was just a squirt with high aspirations. Whatever it was, it was going to give him a few nasty headaches. To be honest, he was looking for a bit of action, going out with Vicious and shooting around a bit. Make people afraid. Just like old times. When they were the errand boys.  
  
Julia said something in Vicious' ear when Mao ended the meeting and went over to talk to the big boss.  
  
His friend gave him a nod to wait for him, while the others left the room amidst whispers. Showing signs of surprise.  
  
"Yenray is getting weak," Vicious said, lighting a cigarette. "This whole undercover operation to discover the traitor is a waste of time."  
  
"What would you have done?" He reached in his pocket for the tobacco, but he didn't find it, that bitch had stolen it. "Give me one of those, I've lost mine," Spike said.  
  
"The traitor was here, my gut tells me. I would have tortured everyone in the room until I got a confession," Vicious said calmly, without showing any emotion and handed him the cigarette box.  
  
"Julia was there," he said, pulling a small purple lighter from his pocket, which he had dropped into his jacket pocket a while before. The woman wasn't the only one with quick hands. "So was I."  
  
"A traitor is a traitor, Spike. We aren't the little sisters of charity," Vicious smiled and headed for the exit. "I know you're not one if it helps."  
  
He walked behind him with his hands in his pockets. This sounded like trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so if you see any big mistakes. Please feel free to comment on it. There is always time to learn. thank you very much !


	3. Dont let me down

  
  
Vicious was waiting at the end of the street, next to Julia's red sports car. His hair covered his face, and from where he was, he could hear the old blues coming out of the car radio. He was in no hurry, so he walked down the street slowly, with his hands in his pockets. He liked the song that was playing on the radio. A good memory. His friend looked up when he heard it coming. He greeted him, and Vicious threw the cigar away and stepped on it with his expensive shoes. Julia would kill them both if they smoked inside the car.  
  
"Boys' night?"Spike joked, looking around.  
  
"We'll do a little work first," he told, opening the car door. "Shin has heard that Declan and his people are having a party at that shitty bar."  
  
"Mao said no scenes for now," he said, swaying, though he knew nothing he said would change his mind.  
  
"I know, Spike-o, I just want to see if any of our friends show up."  
  
"We may look suspicious," he laughed, no one in their right mind would doubt them.  
  
Since their days as street pickpockets with nowhere else to drop dead, Mao had cared for them. He trained them, fed them, and made them what they were. He wasn't sure if that was something to be thankful for.  
  
Vicious sat behind the wheel and drove across town. It was still raining in Tharsis, and the water was beginning to bore him. Unlike the other day, the place was packed. The noise and smoke filled the air. Behind the table, instead of Faye, there was a blond guy who spoke very loudly.  
  
Declan wasn't there either, but his men were. Who shared a table and alcohol. Both Vicious and he sat in a corner where they had a complete view of the place.  
  
"Is she here?" Vicious asked as he looked around. "The one with the pretty face"  
  
"No"  
  
"I was curious to know who had stopped you from blowing up this place" Vicious fixed his gray eyes on him as if he were trying to find out what secrets he was hiding from him. But didn't say anything, just smiled smugly.   
  
"Hey, she did me a favor," he replied with a laugh. "Or no, she gave us more work... I don't know for sure. "  
  
Vicious laughed too and they ordered some beers, waiting for one of those idiots to take out the Red Eye they had stolen. But this was just a ridiculous party. Besides, the two of them weren't exactly subtle. Declan's men knew them, so they weren't going to do anything foolish in front of them.   
  
"This is a waste of time," he said angrily, patience was not one of his virtues. "Let's go."  
  
They jumped in the car, and Vicious drove for a long time. With the city shining on them. Tharsis never slept. Vicious drove from the underground to the upper town. Where the good girls got high on the drugs they distributed and the pretty boys played the tough guys with their parents' money. For him, it was all fun. Vicious, on the other hand, got on his nerves. He hated them.  
So while they were having some overpriced drinks in a place where someone thought that having Buddhas as decoration was the most modern thing. He had to stop him from stabbing an idiot who had called him "ghetto trash. " On the other hand, a group of college students invited them to some cocaine strips.  
  
Things from that damned city of crazy people.  
  
They went from one place to another, drinking, most of the time for free. The good thing about going out in the rich part of the city is that the bouncers and waiters were their people.  
  
Vicious could hold his drink better than he could. Even if he had been 100% with his senses Julia wouldn't have let him drive her car anyway. And Vicious knew it.  
  
His friend took him back to the district where they grew up. He parked next to the old train tracks. Where addicts used to hide to get high  
  
"I haven't been here in years," Vicious said, sitting on the hood of the car.  
  
"You changed the block for the area that you so much loathe, "Spike said, drinking from a bottle of bourbon that someone had given to them at the last club.  
  
"It's called growing up, Spike," he replied, taking the bottle to drink as well. "You always have to aim high, much higher."  
  
"I'm fine where I am."  
  
"I don't," Vicious said, smiling in a way that gave him a chill." I have ambitions."  
  
"Good for you, too much work for me"   
  
He had known it since he was a child, Vicious had been a troubled boy, with no filters and unafraid of what he had to face. Spike instead liked the simple things, live one more day. With no worries. He knew he could die at any moment. There was a bullet with his name on it somewhere. Waiting for him. He didn't need to aim high. Sharing a bottle of bourbon with an old friend was enough for him.   
  
"You're a hopeless case," Vicious said with a laugh. "Stay by my side and see where I go."   
  
He put his hand on his back. It had been a long time since he shared a drunken night with Vicious and he missed it. Like the good old days.

  
***

  
He was so drunk that he had trouble opening the door to his apartment. The light in the living room was on, although he didn't remember leaving it that way. Julia was there, dressed as a novice. In her long skirt with her shirt buttoned up to her neck. She was fucking sexy.  
  
"You're so late..." she murmured, patting the couch to make him sit next to her.  
  
"I thought you didn't have my keys anymore" without thinking he did what she asked.  
  
"Don't underestimate my skills, dear," she said, running a hand through his hair.  
  
The alcohol clouded his vision, the alcohol, and Julia's lips on his neck, her hands inside his pants. His heart was beating at the rhythm she was setting.  
  
He couldn't go on with that charade; Vicious was his best friend, his partner. For many years he was the only one who stood by his side. His only family. And he was paying him back with betrayal.  
  
"Stop, Jules" he moved away from her, rising from the couch.  
  
"What is it now?" she asked outraged, crossing her arms in defiance.   
  
"I spent the night with Vicious. I can't do this anymore" he was frustrated, she didn't understand, the only thing he wanted was to make love to her on that couch. On the floor. In the kitchen. Whatever she demanded. Cover her every inch of her skin with kisses.   
  
"Again with that..." Julia sighed and took a step towards him, trying to grab him.   
  
"He's my friend," he reasoned, he was very drunk and she smelled very sweet. It was so hard for him to resist his impulses.   
  
Julia took a step back and brought her hand to her forehead. She breathed in and picked up a pack of cigarettes on the table. She looked at him for an interminable minute, smoking.   
  
"He knows," she said at last. Simple and clear.   
  
"What?"  
  
"He knows, he knows we're fucking." Julia repeated using an indifferent tone of voice.   
  
"Julia What Are You Telling Me?"  
  
That made him feel stupid. Dirty. He had been burned out by guilt for so long. Despising what he felt. Struggling with his feelings. Denying them. Damn it, he was a fucking idiot.  
  
"Do you think he cares? You don't know him at all. All Vicious cares about is power and you're blind. You are a good friend, but you don't see his thirst for blood. Vicious and I... are something else. He doesn't care if I fuck you or fifty. " she said in an attempt to reason with him. Like that's the most normal thing she could say.   
  
"That's why you came looking for me,?" he asked, his voice sounding desperate. He needed answers. He needed to know if he was making a fool of himself this whole time.  
  
"No," she answered, grabbing his face, caressing his neck. Hugging him.  
  
"Why then?" he was incapable to return that hug. He froze, feeling Julia's breath on the back of his neck.   
  
"I..." she hesitated, tightening her grip on him. "I..."  
  
He gently pushed her away. This was insane. He needed to think. He needed to take away the pain. He kissed her, again and again, struggling to stop. Wishing he didn't have to.   
  
"Go home, please" using all his willpower he walked away from her, and without allowing her time to reply he locked himself in his room.

  
  
***

  
Spike hadn't slept at all. He hadn't shown up at the headquarters. All he had done was smoke and wallow in his misery. At nightfall he left his old apartment, walking aimlessly. He needed to get drunk.   
  
Faye was cleaning the tables and when she heard the noise of the door she turned to see who was coming in. When she saw him, she crossed her arms and he just smiled. She shook her head and walked across the room to serve him.   
  
"Do you want something, Gentleman?" she asked in a mocking tone.   
  
"Get drunk," he replied honestly. "Give me a whisky."   
  
"You've come to the right place," Faye smiled once more and moved briskly in search of the bottle.   
  
"I know" he sat down on a stool and gulped down the drink she served him.  
  
"Easy, cowboy, the night is terribly long," she said.   
  
"I need to drown my love sorrows, babydoll" he pointed to the glass so that she would fill it again.   
  
"I thought your heart was busy," she said, leaning in front of him.   
  
"Not hers," he replied with a sad smile. "Would you fuck me? I'll pay you back," he said suddenly, without thinking.   
  
"The damn joke is no longer funny," she replied in annoyance.  
  
"I'm not kidding." He got very serious and looked her in the eye. "I need company and you need money."   
  
Faye bit her lip but said nothing, just looked at him. She ran a hand through her hair, nervously.   
  
"I just want to forget and have some fun," he explained. "You don't have to say yes, you can get me drunk if you prefer."   
  
"How much would you give me?" she asked in a whisper.   
  
"How much do you need?" he asked back.  
  
"Three hundred million," she said like nothing.   
  
"Wow, you're pretty sure of your skills," he replied, letting out a genuine laugh. "300.000,"  
  
Faye sighed and held out her hand to him.  
  
"It was a deal," she shook his hand.   
  
For an uncomfortable moment, they exchanged money between the money cards and remained silent uncertain of what to do next.   
  
"At least buy me dinner," she finally said. "And a few drinks."   
  
"Does the princess want anything else?" he replied, feeling the tension breaking again.   
  
"Many things, Spike," she replied, taking off her apron and carefully folding it. "Let's go."   
  
She wore a very short, tight dress that looked like cotton. He instantly realized that it was the same dress she was wearing the other day. She closed the bar and together they walked down the street, joking and talking about frivolous things. Faye was a nice company. It was easy to talk to her. It was simple.   
  
"Ok Valentine, tell me your story, how did you get here," he asked with genuine interest.   
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she said with a smile that hid a lot of sadness.   
  
"Try it," he said.   
  
"It's a long story, huh?" She took a deep breath as if she was picking up the strength to continue. "Almost two years ago I woke up in a clinic, with no memory. I didn't know how I got there or who I was" she smiled nervously and stroked her hair. "I really don't know yet..." she whispered in a barely audible whisper, swallowed and rubbed her hands against her legs.   
  
"Faye..." he tried to say something, but he didn't know what.   
  
"Let me finish..." she put her hand on his arm and then smiled again in sadness, " The doctor told me that I had been in a very serious accident, and that's why I was cryopreserved. I had spent almost 60 years there... "  
  
He offered her an incredulous look that she received at first because her eyes said I told you so. But she still continued talking.  
  
"The worst thing is that I had to pay the bill, and it was a lot, a lot of money."  
  
"Let me guess, 300 million" he cut off, giving her a little push with his shoulder.   
  
She touched her nose and pointed at him.   
  
"Well... and... after that... " although she tried to hide it, a few little tears came to her eyes." Things... " she said, trying to pull herself together." That's pretty much it. "  
  
" All right, I admit, you could dedicate yourself to writing, it's okay if you don't want to tell me," he said at last.   
  
"I told you you wouldn't believe me," she added, puckering her lips.   
  
"That you are a time traveler without a memory? That's a hard pill to swallow.   
  
"One in debt," she added. "What about your history?"   
  
"Mine is simpler, a troubled family, life on the street, drugs, violence Nothing that this area of the city doesn't know" The truth is that there was nothing special in his life, he had just had bad luck. He was an unfortunate man. And his hands were stained with blood. Nothing to be proud of.   
  
"You chose the easy way. I don't blame you," she said pondering.  
  
They walked for a while until Faye stopped and laid the hands on her hips.   
  
"This is my favorite place," Faye said, pointing to a small home-cooked food place with a wooden sign that said Su's Kitchen.  
  
"I thought you'd want to eat at a fancy restaurant," he admitted in surprise.  
  
"I want to enjoy a good dinner," she replied by opening the door of the restaurant, " and here one eats quite well."  
  
She was right, it had been a long time since he had eaten so well. And in abundance. The food was uncomplicated. But carefully cooked. The owner of the restaurant was a grandma who no longer cooked. But she was there giving conversation to anyone who wanted to hear her. Her grandson was in charge of the meals. And he was terribly good at his job. They drank red wine. Which made Faye's cheeks light up.   
  
After dinner, and a little tipsy, they went into a nightclub. The music was incredibly loud and there were a lot of people. In order to talk to her, he had to get very close, and he realized how fucking beautiful she was. And how sad she looked, even though she tried to hide it under a layer of sarcasm and bitchiness.   
  
They ordered a couple of drinks. She wanted to get drunk, he could tell. And she was becoming quite nervous. Therefore without thinking too much, he began to shift his shoulders with the rhythm of the music.   
  
"What are you doing, you idiot?" she asked, laughing at him.   
  
"Dancing, don't you recognize the song? It's from a very old movie... from your time" he winked at her and continued to fool around in front of her. He really liked her smile.   
  
"You forgot I had amnesia too," she pointed out, looking at him through her glass.  
  
"I hope you haven't forgotten to dance."   
  
It was an impulse, or perhaps the wine that had gone to his head. However, he grabbed her by the waist and holding her hand he began to dance with her. She was very light, and she let herself go easily. Faye laughed out loud when she saw him swaying his hips to the rhythm of the song. He grasped her again by running a hand behind her back. Then she grimaced in pain and let out a sore sigh, and he remembered her broken ribs.   
  
"I'm sorry," he said, letting go of her gently.  
  
"I'm fine," she muttered, taking a step back. "Let's go now... it's getting late. "  
  
They walked in silence, back to the district, it was 't an uncomfortable silence, but he felt that Faye was somewhere else, far away from there. She pulled on the bottom of his dress as if she suddenly wanted to make it longer.   
  
"How's your shoulder," she asked, coming back to earth, there with him.   
  
"Well, it was nothing," he explained, making an abrupt movement with the shoulder that hurt him, and he had to hide the pain.   
  
"How does one get used to being shot? " she asked without looking at him, taking a hand to her mouth to gnaw her nails.   
  
"I've been shot many times."  
  
"And you are not afraid because...?"  
  
"I have nothing to lose," he answered.  
  
Faye laughed bitterly and stepped forward to stand in front of him. " What about shooting someone?"  
  
He stood staring at her. He was at least a head taller.   
  
"Too easy, too much," he said softly taking a small step toward her.   
  
"Just like killing..." She spoke so softly that he could barely hear her.   
  
"Yeah. In this world you lose your heart along the way, life stops making sense, it may seem cruel, but if I have to do a job... " he stopped, it was a hypocrisy call job to what he used to do. A murderer was a better word and she knew it too. Still didn't want to talk about this crap with her. "I need to look at the other person's face, to know what I'm going to do..." It was the fucking excuse he told himself every day. But now he wasn't thinking clearly was so close to her that he could kiss her. He felt like kissing her.   
  
"Have you ever regretted it?" She crossed her arms, drawing the distance between them.   
  
"Once..." she looked at him curiously, but Spike didn't feel like dealing with the miseries of his life. "Maybe I'll tell you another day..."   
  
He tried to give her the best of his smiles, but Faye looked away and he noticed that she had goosebumps.   
  
"I'm cold, I have a jacket in the bar, wait for me here," she said suddenly, and without giving him time to reply she turned around and walked quickly down the street.   
  
She came back after ten minutes, with a brown leather jacket, too big for her.   
  
"Don't you know how to choose your size?" he joked when he saw her inside that jacket.   
  
"I didn't buy it. Someone left it at the bar and I kept it," she explained, extending her arms and swinging back and forth. "It's pretty."   
  
"Oh..." he didn't know what to say, Faye looked so happy with a forgotten jacket that he was speechless.   
  
"I told you, Spike, I don't have any money. Only debts, if I see a jacket I'll take it" she shrugged and made a lovely pout.   
  
Then he realized he couldn't do any of that. He couldn't take advantage of her. He didn't want to. Not like that.   
  
"Where do you live?" he asked, he would be a good boy and escort her to her door.   
  
"No way, we're not going to my house," he responded defensively. "Let's go to a motel or a park or whatever..."   
  
He was shocked by her reaction, but he couldn't blame her. He had barely talked to her about killing people, she wasn't going to take him home.   
  
"No. It's not that. I've changed my mind. "   
  
"What?" she asked in disbelief, although the sigh of relief coming from her mouth didn't go unnoticed.  
  
"Go rest, Faye," he said, as he held out his hand to her.   
  
"Ok" she took out the money card and gave it to him.   
  
That's not what he meant, he just wanted to say goodbye to her, by shaking her hand. "You can keep it. I don't need the money. "  
  
He saw her blush and the shame went into anger in less than a second.   
  
"Fucking asshole" she punched him in the chest "I don't need your damn charity," she yelled throwing the card in his face. "I don't want to see you again. Stupid piece of shit. If you come back through the bar, I'll tear your eyes out with my own hands. " She gave him a strong nudge and walked away from him pretty upset.  
  
That had escalated very quickly and not as he expected.


	4. Earth girls are (not) easy

"Don't you understand English?" Faye asked as soon as she saw him come through the door. A week had passed, and she was still as angry as on the first day. Not that that surprised him.   
  
"Sometimes I find it hard to understand you" he approached her and leaned against the bar, with all the insolence he had. It was better thatway. More fun.   
  
"I can kick your ass out of here," she said, banging her fist on the table.   
  
"I'd like to see that," he challenged her with an insolent smile.   
  
"What the hell do you want?" she mumbled furiously, crossing her arms. He was getting used to her gestures and reactions.   
  
"Apologize," he declared and pulled out a rose from behind his back and held it out to her with a charming smile.   
  
"Oh... Really? ... how nice of you... " She said with a voice full of sarcasm." Fuck you," she grunted, throwing the flower in his face.   
  
"You have such a bad temper, my dear," he replied, picking the rose from the ground and leaving it on the counter.   
  
"There's the door if it bothers you," she answered pointing at the door with her hand.   
  
"Can you listen to me for a minute?"   
  
"No"   
  
Faye just turned around and pretended to clean up, completely ignoring him. He tried to say something else, but she started humming loudly and off-key enough to make it clear that she wasn't going to give him a minute of her time. He didn't care, he had time. And if there was one thing, he liked, it was challenging. And Faye was a huge one. A delightful one to watch too.   
  
"Faye, come here a moment" Declan's voice came out of the storeroom.   
  
She sighed and dropped the rag in the sink and wiped her hands against the apron.   
  
"I'm coming," she yelled, massaging her forehead.   
  
"Will you be all right,?" He asked, in a tone of voice that came out much softer than he would have liked.   
  
Faye looked at him with a grateful smile and nodded her head.   
  
"I'll be right back," she added and just walked into the storage room.   
  
As usual ,  the bar was empty, he  took a look around  and leaning over  the counter ,  grabbed a beer from  the fridge,  and poured it for himself. There were no voices on the other side. Although he tried to listen to it. He lit a cigarette and since there was no ashtray around, he dropped the ashes into a glass he had next to him.   
  
He took a long puff without looking away from the door, but he still didn't overhear anything. He took another puff on his cigarette and let out a grunt, placing the cigarette into the glass.   
  
He got up and jumped over to the other side of the bar. When he walked up to the door, it opened and Faye got surprised to see him there. They stayed under the lintel, looking at each other.   
  
"Are you going somewhere?" she asked in a mocking tone.   
  
"You were taking too long," he said, not quite sure what to say.   
  
"Do you have a knight in shining armor complex,? She asked with a warm smile.   
  
"I can..." he said, running his thumb down his neck and pointing to the door. "I'm good at solving problems.   
  
"Killing is not solving problems, Spike" she whispered with a reproach "What's with all the kindness?   
  
" I ' m sorry about  the other day, really,  I was bitter and  I took  it out on you,  I shouldn' t have proposed  it in the first  place ," he said honestly.   
  
" I ' m the one who shouldn' t have accepted,  I thought that with that money I could  escape , but  it wasn ' t enough, sooner or later  I would  have to come back here..." she replied, making light of it.   
  
"I can still lend you the money," he offered and rested his head on the door frame.   
  
"And depend on you?" she replied, shaking her head. "I have enough debt already.   
  
"I don't want anything in return," he insisted, he didn't understand that she was so headstrong in this matter. He just wanted to help.   
  
"I've fixed it, now it will be easier," she concluded by extending her hands.   
  
"Really?" he asked without believing her at all.   
  
"Kind of" Faye burst out laughing which didn't help him believe her at all.   
  
"Kind of?" he repeated, raising his eyebrow.   
  
"It is not..."   
  
"Your business..." He completed her sentence.   
  
"Clever boy... Do you have a car? " She asked, changing the subject completely.   
  
"No... But I can call one. "   
  
"Something like a mafia cab?" she joked, although he wasn't sure she didn't mean it.   
  
"It would be free."   
  
"Never mind, I'm going to snatch Declan's keys," she said, walking away from the door and looking at the cash register. "They delivered us the wrong drink order and I have to go to the store."   
  
"Can you drive?"   
  
"No, that's why you're taking me, and I might forgive you."   
  
"Can I express my opinion on that or has the decision already taken?"   
  
"Decision was taken,"   
  
He couldn't say another word. Faye took the car keys and called him with her hand and Spike had no choice but to follow her like a little dog.   
  
They drove to the industrial estate and parked in the first place he found, as she wasn't quite sure where the liquor warehouse was.   
  
Well, it turns out that far away. Faye had no idea and they wandered around the industrial estate until they found the place.   
  
She went in there as if she owned the place, showing off her best charms and cajoling the manager to solve all the problems. It was soeasy that he couldn't believe it. Faye got her order fixed, got it shipped back to the bar, and convinced them to present her a bunch of promotional items, booze, and other stuff.   
  
She  looked at  him with  a triumphant smile  and raised two  fingers in  victory , moved closer  to him ,  and handed him the heaviest bag, which for some  reason didn't surprise  him .   
  
She walked around satisfied, with a little bag of snacks they had given her at the store.   
  
"Are you comfortable, dear? He asked cynically.   
  
"A lot," she said laughing, walking a step ahead of him. She was wearing very, ridiculously tight jeans. So the view was outstanding.   
  
Ergo he didn't mind making a few unnecessary steps to get to the car, even though his orientation was practically perfect.   
  
Not a terrible idea though, they were being followed. Three men, not very big, but he wasn't sure he could handle all three of them. He turned into an alley and ran a hand over Faye's back to manage her out of the way.   
  
"I hope you know how to handle that gun in your pants," he whispered as he turned around.   
  
"How do you know?" she asked, reaching for the gun.   
  
"I know enough to know when someone is armed," he replied, standing guard.   
  
The guys jumped on them without a second thought. He had no idea who they were, but they looked like bullies from the Syndicate.   
  
One of them captured Faye, who broke loose easily and kneed him.   
  
He was trying to get rid of the other two with Jet Kun do. He had been without a good fight for a long time and was enjoying it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Faye knock down the guy who was attacking her with one punch. A foolish distraction because one of his attackers took out a knife and dug it in his shoulder. He knocked out the taller one by kicking him, but the other one put the knife in his neck.   
  
"Freeze, set that down," Faye shouted as she put the gun to his attacker's head. "If you don't want to see your brains on the asphalt, you're going to step aside and leave us alone."   
  
The punk called her a pretty offensive insult but without worrying about his buddies he ran out of there.   
  
"You are bleeding," she exclaimed as she got closer to him.   
  
"Any more diagnoses, doctor?" he replied in a grim mood. His shoulder was still sore from the gunshot, and that wouldn't help at all.   
  
"Can you stop being an idiot for a second?" she asked with a grumpy face.   
  
"Nice toy you have here," he said, taking the Glock out of her hands.   
  
He checked it out. It was second-hand, but it was practically new. It was a good gun for her, perfect for her small hands. Faye grasped the gun out of his hand.   
  
"Let's go to the car; we have to do something about that wound," she grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket and dragged him to the car.   
  
He felt a little dizzy and leaned against the driver's door to recover.   
  
"Move, I'll drive it," she stated, pushing him gently.   
  
"I thought you didn't know how to drive," he inquired with a smile.   
  
"I lied."   
  
They got into the car. She took the gun out of the back of her pants and threw it into his lap. He reexamined the gun, opened the loader, it was empty.   
  
"How the hell do you carry an empty loader?" he asked in disbelief, "Are you crazy?   
  
"I couldn't afford the bullets," she replied.   
  
"What?" He couldn't even believe it, that was the most surreal thing he had ever heard.   
  
"I didn't know guns were so expensive..." she mumbled in shame. "Well, in fact, I had one... but I spent it testing the aim... "   
  
"WHAT?" he cried out with laughter. He couldn't stop laughing, "It can't be true" his stomach hurt from laughing so much and he couldn't stop.   
  
"Don't laugh at me," she fought back, punching him in the side as she drove, "You idiot, don't laugh at me."   
  
But he couldn't help it, it was so hilarious.   
  
"Well, it worked for what I wanted to," she murmured, with her cheeks so red that they seemed to be burning.   
  
"What for?" he asked, wiping away the tears that were still streaming down his cheeks.   
  
"I told Declan that if he ever touched me again I'd blow his balls off," she mumbled, clutching the wheel tightly.   
  
"Did it work?" he asked, feeling as if he had been punched in the stomach.   
  
She nodded without shifting her eyes off the road.   
  
"I'm proud of you," he gently held a hand to the back of her head, but she nodded away.   
  
She parked in the same spot she had taken it from.   
  
The shoulder hadn't stopped bleeding, and he felt even dizzier than before. Faye hauled him into the alleyway that led to the bar's back door.   
  
There was the bar's storage room, a two-story room with a bathroom. They went upstairs.   
  
"Welcome to my home," she said, pointing out there was only one room, on the floor, a mattress with perfectly folded sheets, in a corner, a pile of clothes and some toiletries.   
  
"Sit down," she ordered.   
  
He was tempted to ask where the hell she wanted him to sit. But he didn't think it was the best of ideas.   
  
"Take off your clothes," she repeated using the same tone of voice.   
  
"Are you trying to hit on me?" he asked, trying to joke with her.   
  
"Shut up, Spike," she said with a tired sigh. She looked around, went downstairs, and came back with a first aid kit in her hand. The first aid kit from the bar.   
  
"Do youknow what you're doing?" he asked as she knelt down beside him.   
  
"I can sew if that's what you're bothered about," she said, wiping a wet towel over the wound.   
  
"I'm not a pair of jeans," he joked, poking her hip with one finger.   
  
"Shut up," she snorted while continuing to clean the wound. "You are full of scars," she said mumbling, running her hand carefully across his chest.   
  
"Life is hard," he said in a whisper, unable to shift his eyes off her.   
  
"I know," she replied with barely a voice, not daring to look at him.   
  
She took a painkiller spray from the medicine cabinet and sprinkled it on his shoulder. He stung like a demon. But he didn't even blink. She started sewing his wound and was so focused that she bit her tongue while she was stitching.   
  
"That's it," she said, placing a white patch over the wound. "It was more shocking than serious.   
  
"Okay, Doc," he responded shifting his shoulder.   
  
He didn't know what else to say, but he needed toarticulate something, even though he was afraid of talking and she would walk away.   
  
"Where did you learn to punch like that?" he asked, full of curiosity.   
  
"On the street."   
  
"I figured it out."   
  
"Do you have anything to say about my technique?"   
  
"Yes, you don't have any."   
  
"I saved your ass, you idiot," she said, pushing him on the mattress.   
  
"Ouch," he cried out in exaggerated fashion, clutching his wounded shoulder." I'm a wounded man, don't take advantage of me. "   
  
"You're a big idiot," she replied by throwing the bandage wrapper at his chest.   
  
He got up on the bed a few inches away from her, so close that he could feel her breath on his cheeks.   
  
"Thank you," he whispered , getting closer, paying attention to those  red lips,  wondering what they  would taste like , a  kiss wouldn 't be so bad, just one.   
  
"What's your girl's name,?" she asked, turning away from him.   
  
"She's not my girl," he replied dropping back onto the mattress, Faye offered him a reproachful look and he let out a frustrated grunt. "Julia,"   
  
"Tell me the story," she demanded, getting up and walking away from him.   
  
"It's my best friend's girl," he explained without moving from the spot.   
  
"Oh very nice, Spike... So you're a traitor," she replied, revealing the exasperated tone of her voice.   
  
"Don't judge me," he stared up at the ceiling, he was already doing so." Julia says he knows, that he doesn't care... "   
  
"If she doesn't care and your friend doesn't care, why do you care?" she asked in a curious tone.   
  
"Because I love her," he admitted, and it was so easy for him to say that it scared him. "Because I don't know why she wants to be with me, and it hurts."   
  
"Have you asked her?" she whispered, lighting a cigarette.   
  
"No, I'm terrified I don't like the answer."   
  
"I didn't take you for a coward" there was no reproach in her voice, no curiosity, just deep sadness.   
  
"It's not that simple" nothing was, Julia wasn't simple, Vicious wasn't simple. And he didn't comprehend anything.   
  
"But you love her... That should be simple... nothing but love to someone," Faye quietly whispered looking atthefloor with herback against thewall, shekicked some socks next toherandraisedherheadtolookat him. "Come on, Spike, go talk to her and if things go wrong, your favorite waitress will drown your sorrows in alcohol," she smiled and although she sounded sincere she still seemed incredibly sad. And that made him feel very sad too.   
  
"Free alcohol?" he tried to sound perky, but it didn't work.   
  
"I didn't say that."   
  
He got up from the mattress, put on his T-shirt, and went to the stairs and stood at her side.   
  
"If you need help with..."   
  
"Good luck, cowboy," Faye said without allowing him to conclude the sentence.


	5. Down in a hole

Julia opened the door of her apartment dressing in a robe, wearing her hair down and a small black nightgown. She had a dreamy face, although it was three o'clock in the afternoon. She had always been a nocturnal animal. A huge smile appeared on her face when she saw him.

"I'm glad to see you," she said, letting him in.

"Me too," he replied, walking behind her. Julia sat down on the couch, lighting a cigarette. She hardly ever smiled and always seemed to be angry.

"Do you want a drink?" she asked, making a dash to get up.

"I want to talk to you," he said, taking off his raincoat and leaving it on the couch. It was time to face the truth.

"Go ahead," Julia made a wave that invited him to continue.

"Why?"

There were millions of questions in his head. But they all started the same way. Why was she with Vicious, why was she with him. Why it seemed she didn't care about anything. Why she kept opening her door to him.

"Spike..." she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head as she sighed.

"I'm just asking for honesty, Jules" he insisted, sitting next to her and holding her hand.

"Honesty?" She put her hand over his and looked into his eyes. Those deep blue holes that so well hid the emotions. "Okay, I feel like I'm dead inside, I can't feel, violence has taken away my humanity. Every day I wake up thinking it will be my last and most of the time I need drugs to get out of bed. What do you feel when you see a dead man? When you kill him?" she asked caressing his face.

"Nothing," Spike muttered, but simply because he didn't think about it, he preferred calling it job, to avoid the reality of what he was doing. So he wouldn't have to admit that he was a monster.

"Nothing, we are not human, Spike, nothing is the wrong answer" she moaned as she rested her head on his chest.

"We can leave it," he answered caressing her hair. "We can leave it behind."

"That's why I like to be with you, you're a dreamer, you still think you can get out of here, have a nice quiet life somewhere," she whispered, running her hands around him to hug him.

"It's not a bad dream," he said, kissing her hair.

"It's an unreal one," she replied, squeezing him as she kissed his collarbone.

"What about him,?" Spike asked in a voiceover. It was another answer he needed. Even though it was a question he didn't want to ask.

"Vicious is like me, that's why I love him," Julia said, releasing him from her embrace, but without turning away from him.

"I love you" the words came out of his mouth unable to avoid it. He regretted it immediately. It sounded so pathetic.

"I know," she whispered, sliding a hand around his neck.

"So you don't feel..." Julia shut him up with a long, wet kiss.

"When I'm with you I feel everything when I fuck you the world is real, it's wonderful, but I can't offer you anything else" she sat on his lap, holding his face with both hands. "I can give you my body, I can give you part of me, the best of me" she smiled and kissed him again. He grabbed her by the hip, kissing her back. Biting her neck.

"I can have that," Spike replied, bringing his hands to her breasts.

"I am glad to hear that" Julia moaned, moving her hips over his lap, as he caressed her breasts. She took off her robe and dropped it on the floor. "Maybe you don't believe me, but I'm so relieved...I never wanted to cheat on you, I care about you so much...so much" she repeated as she took small bites on his chin.

Spike slipped a finger down one of Julia's nightgown straps, exposing her chest. She removed his jacket and began to unbutton his shirt while licking his chest. Spike closed his eyes, letting himself go. He didn't have anything to lose. If he couldn't have it all, he'd settle for crumbs. He didn't deserve anything else either. Monsters don't deserve love.

****

After another session of sex with Julia in the bathroom, he left her house and headed for the Syndicate headquarters.

Vicious had called him, and for the first time, he didn't care. He felt no regret, no shame. He felt nothing.

Vicious was waiting for him in his office, which he found very funny. Spike had one too, but as far as he knew it would be covered with dust. He had never used it before.

He climbed the escalator leaning against the railing. The Red Dragon building was noisy. There were always people there. 

Vicious was sitting at a mahogany table waiting for him. Chatting with Shin or Ling, he found it hard to distinguish them. Vicious raised his head when he heard him coming in.

"Welcome, Spike" he stood up and walked around the table. Ling straightened up like a soldier and he had to hold back a laugh.

"What's the big deal?" Spike asked, approaching them while he rummaged through their pockets for tobacco.

Vicious looked at the boy and with a nod ordered him to leave. When they were alone, Vicious laughed.

"You have to make an image of yourself," Vicious said leaning against the table, making a gesture to ask for a cigarette." Take a look at this beauty," he held out a katana to him, in its sheath. "It's an Atori Hanso, authentic."

He didn't know much about katanas, although he knew enough to know that it was a good and very expensive sword.

"Where did you get it?" Spike asked, gauging his weight. It was light. He drew it carefully. It was very sharp. "It is very beautiful."

"It's deadly" Vicious smiled in an evil way and when he handed it over to him, Vicious took it out of its holster, and with a quick movement, he cut a can that was on the table.

"I wouldn't like to be on the other side of that blade," he said, staring straight at his friend.

"Don't do anything that deserves it," Vicious said, putting the katana back in its sheath with an elegant, dance-like movement.

He sat down in a small armchair, smiling at the sight of a bottle of Dalmore Trinitas on the table.

"Who did you kill for this?" Spike asked, pouring himself a glass of the whiskey, dry, if anyone poured ice on that whiskey he deserved to be shot between the eyebrows.

"You don't want to know," Vicious replied with a smile and handed him the glass so that he could pour it on him too. "How's your shoulder?"

"Have you heard?" he asked in surprise. The news was flying in this place. He had been injured twice and looking weak in front of others wasn't good for business.

"Someone came to me saying that you've been seen with one of Declan''s girls, that you were the traitor and that he'd taken care of it. He said that he had sent his men" Vicious laughed and looked at him with complicity. "His men..." he repeated with a mocking tone and laughed again.

"What did you tell him?" he asked out of curiosity.

"I introduced him to my new toy," his friend replied with a cold tone.

A chill ran down his back as he saw his smile.

"Was she your waitress?" said Vicious, hurrying up his drink.

"I just took her on an errand, she doesn't have a car," Spike explained. So that's why they were attacked, he'd been thinking about it for three days. He thought it was because of Faye. But it was his fault and it made him feel guilty.

"I don't care where you put your dick, Spike. Just don't let some assholes catch you," Vicious finally said. "We have things to do, come on."

  
The things to do were to settle the score with a group of dockworkers who had been stealing cocaine bundles from them. The people of the city had to learn what stealing from the Dragon Network meant. The hard way.

They got out of the car and his friend handed him a vial of Red Eye that he sprayed in his eyes. He sighed and took a big breath of air, noticing how the drug slowly began to take effect.

Vicious made the sign of the cross on his forehead before opening the door and drew the katana with a huge smile on his lips.

He walked in shooting with an automatic rifle. The bullets were hitting against the walls, against the windows, against people. The adrenaline ran through his veins while moving between the basement pillars. The effects of the Red Eye made him see the world in red. And slower. He felt able to dodge bullets.

The noise of the shots sounded like a melody. Glasses were falling around him and crunching under his feet. Vicious moved quickly, sliding his katana like butter over his enemies. He didn't know if the red on him was due to the drug or blood.

That was madness, but he couldn't stop. He was sick. He was a monster.

***

  
After a job, he needed to get drunk. With his people. In his bars. Where everyone respected and feared them. The techno music was very loud and the girls danced around him. Shin and a blond guy he didn't know the name of, were cutting cocaine on the table.

He was very stoned, staring at a little hottie with pink hair who was dancing for him. She was small and skinny and wore a plaid skirt and a black backless shirt with cleavage down to the navel. She smiled at him by running her tongue through her lips and he called out to her with a finger.

He didn't care about anything anymore. Julia was right, they had no soul. It wasn't worth feeling in that world.

The girl sat down next to him and snort some coca, before eating his mouth, without even asking his name. She got up and kept on dancing, this time tangled between his legs.

The girls came and went between them, the only one who didn't pay attention to them was Vicious, who just looked around and talked to everyone. Suddenly got up and sat down next to him.

"This feels good," Vicious said, even though Spike didn't know what the hell he was talking about. But Vicious knew him inside out and added."The adrenaline, when you are about to die, the after is wonderful. It's not the coca, it's not the women, it's knowing that today you're still alive."

"Is that it? Or are we heartless bastards?" Spike asked. "Demons."

"Don't fuck with me with moral dilemmas, Spike" Vicious looked at the girl who was still dancing close to him. "Have you ever fucked under the Red Eye?"

"No," he said and she smiled and held out her hand.

"Try it," said Vicious, tossing a vial into his lap. "Maybe you'll find what you're looking for."

Vicious smiled at him with complicity and he took the hand of the girl who dragged him to the nearest bathroom.

He opened the vial and they shared it as they groped each other. She was not wearing a bra and her boobs were small enough to fit in his hands. He pulled her up onto the sink while kissing her. He was frantic. Almost desperate. And nothing mattered to him.

The Red Eye heightened his senses, the girl, whose name he didn't even know, pushed him against the wall, eating his mouth. Unbuttoning the buttons on his pants. She knelt down in front of him and put his dick in her mouth. His heart was pumping like crazy because of the high. He was panting and was unable to stop.

He grabbed her by the hips, pushed up her skirt, and leaning her against the wall fucked her right there. Rough. 

***

Faye's laughter was still in his ears when he woke up. He wished he could stay asleep, so he could hear her again. Opening his eyes was a big mistake. His mouth was dry and he had a monumental headache. The light coming through the window was killing him. The curtains were open and there was still a silhouette of sweat on the window.

He vaguely remembered fucking against it.

"Carla" murmured a voice next to him.

"What?" he asked turning on the bed, to see a chubby girl with curly hair and freckled face who was standing up to get dressed.

"You called me Faye," she said as she put on her bra. "Or you called her in your sleep."

"I'm sorry,? he said, raising his arm from his eyes.

"Don't worry, I don't remember your name either," she replied getting out of bed to pick up her clothes.

She left his house without saying goodbye and he felt terribly empty.

Every day was the same, hanging out, getting high, another night, another girl, being stoned, fighting with anyone. Banging anyone, banging Julia. Because nothing really mattered as she said. Or adrenaline mattered as Vicious said. He was tired. In a hole, he couldn't escape from. He hadn't slept well for weeks, or months, he had lost track of the days. He had insomnia, he had sex to avoid thinking about insomnia.

He staggered out of bed and went to the bathroom to puke. This was killing him. He closed his eyes and puked again. He was pathetic.  
He woke up hugging the toilet bowl and got in the shower to look like a normal person.  
  


***

  
He opened the office door, Julia was next to the record player, she wasn't wearing any pants, just a white T-shirt. She was completely stoned. Vicious was on the sofa, shirtless and with his hair in a mess. On the table a bottle of wine, cocaine shots, and a few grams of crystal.

"Nice party," he said, taking a look at the drugs on the table. "What are we celebrating?"

"Life," Vicious mocked, offering him the MDMA.

Vicious was also high, Spike smiled and put the drug in his mouth.

Julia was dancing without leaving the wall. Her T-shirt curled up exposing her pale skin. Vicious didn't talk, he just stared at her, and no one could deny that what was in his eyes was love. She didn't look away from him either.

Spike closed his eyes so he could hear the song that was playing. He just wanted that drug to work now. He needed the euphoria, to get rid of the anxiety that the blow was bringing. The meth could even make the physical pain go away. But what he was looking for, what he needed was the fucking happiness of the crystal.

The M was starting to work, he took a drink of water and took off his jacket, throwing it on the floor.

Even lighting a cigarette seemed pleasant to him. The way the smoke escaped his lips was wonderful.

Julia sat between him and Vicious.

Her pupils were completely dilated. She looked at him but he didn't think she had actually seen him. She turned and kissed Vicious who placed his hands on her breasts. And then he took off her shirt.

Julia took his hand and placed it between her legs. The feel of her skin was amazing, enhanced by MDMA, it felt so good. Julia was panting, as Vicious licked her breasts. She pulled her hair out of her face and bent over his lap, bringing her lips to his cock. Watching her sucking while Vicious was fucking her was exciting, weird, and sad. He felt as if he could see himself from the outside. With Julia there between the two of them, caressing them. Moaning between shared lunges. Nothing worried him, he only felt love and a deep sense of well-being. It was strange to be in two places at once. Fucking and watching their entangled bodies. He had no perception of time, nor of reality. He only knew that he hadn't felt so much pleasure in his life.

He opened his eyes, was sitting on the floor, with his head resting on the table. He was very thirsty but there was no water nearby.

On the sofa, Julia and Vicious slept hugging each other, still naked and covered with Vicious' trench coat. She had her head resting on his chest and he had his arm around her.

He rose from the floor with a death wish.


	6. Better Sleeping

* * *

"I thought I already took out the trash," he heard a familiar voice say.

Spike felt someone kick him in the foot. He was lying on the ground, leaning against a door. Even with his eyes closed, he felt the sun warming his face. He smelled like vomit and his stomach was churning. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was red slippers and long legs. Faye was wearing a floral yellow dress and the sun was shining behind her.

Was it already spring?

He made an effort to get up but fell back to the floor. His legs were not responding. The MDMA had burned off all his dopamine. There was only a huge hole inside him.

Faye breathed in and kicked his foot again.

"I took your advice," Spike said, trying to get back on his feet. Another bad idea, he had to make an effort to not throw up on Faye's shoes.

"I told you to talk to her, not to get high until you die," Faye muttered, helping him to stand up.

"Details," he said, leaning against the door.

Faye took him by the waist and carried him into the storage room.

"You smell like sex," she whispered, carrying all of his weight.

"I succeeded," Spike replied using the same tone of voice.

"Can you take a shower without banging your head against the faucet,?" Faye asked, without paying attention to his remark. Pushing him into the small bathroom.

"I don't know," he replied, leaning against the wall with one hand.

"Good luck, then," She replied slamming the door.

He woke up lying on the mattress, naked. Didn't know how he got there. Alone, and with a terrible headache. Drenched in sweat, all he could think about was getting a few lines of cocaine. Spike rolled up between the sheets and saw a bottle of water next to his head. Although he drank it all at once, that dryness in his mouth remained. He was sure of having a fever. Closing his eyes, he felt cold and curled up in a ball. The blankets weren't enough. He tried to go back to sleep. But he couldn't, the tachycardia, the fever, the cold, the hot flushes kept him awake.

He nearly split his head open when he went downstairs to puke in the bathroom. Came up short and vomited on the floor of the room. Dragging himself up the stairs, Spike fell back on the mattress. If he'd found his gun he would have blown his brains out right there. Fate was either helping him or screwing him.

In one of his episodes, he thought that Faye was sleeping next to him. Maybe it was the fever. Or a hallucination. He needed to get high again.

Again opened his eyes, not knowing how many hours went by. He felt a little better. Not so much. It took him a while to find out where he was. In fact, he was still naked. On Faye's mattress. But she was nowhere around. He sat up, on the side of the bed, his clothes were folded. Cleaned and ironed. Over it, his Jerico, the phone, and the wallet, there was only a laundry ticket inside. He was sure he had some money but didn't care.

Spike dressed as he could. His stomach was empty, but he felt like throwing up again. He went down the stairs leaning against the walls.

Down there in the storeroom, Faye was sitting on a keg of beer, eating dinner at a makeshift table. All the packages were from "Su's Kitchen"

"I see that I am inviting you to dinner again" his voice sounded raspy, erasing any trace of humor.

"I haven't eaten this well in four months," she said without lifting her head from her plate. He didn't know if she was angry, indifferent or just sad.

"It's been four months since our date,? he sounded so puzzled that she finally decided to look at him.

"It wasn't a date," she snarled, crumpling up a napkin. "It was an exchange."

Four months? Four months of excess, violence, and sex. No wonder he was feeling so bad.

"Faye...I..." Spike tried to say, but the look in her eyes told him that it was better to be quiet.

I thought you were dead" Faye cut him off.

"Are you glad that I'm not?" he asked, trying to get closer to her. With a smile of regret.

"Go home, Spike," she said, without looking at him. "I've done enough for you.

"Ok" mumbled leaning on one of the barrels to keep his balance. He had nothing to say. Let alone anything to ask Faye.

He staggered to the exit door. It was already night but didn't know which day. Spike kept his balance as best he could and leaned against the wall. Faye had gone out after him. Her gaze was cold and distant.

"Can I ask you a favor?" he asked, trying hard not to sound desperate. "I need to get rid of the drugs I have at home."

She didn't make a move, nor did she say anything.

"It's not the first time I've been through this," he explained, covering his eyes with one hand. The streetlights were very disturbing. "So I know I don't have the strength to throw it away by myself."

"I'm not your psychologist," she grunted, leaning against the door. "Nor your..."

"I know, I don't want you to be any of those things," Spike sighed, hiding his trembling hands in his pockets. "I need someone to trust."

"Fuck... damn you" she mumbled, throwing her tobacco away. "Where do you live?"

"In the Western District," he answered, looking for the phone in his pocket. "I'll call a cab.

"Across town?" Faye exclaimed incredulously. "Why the hell do you keep coming here?

That's what he would like to know.

Spike managed to get to his apartment without looking very pitiful and wished that place didn't stink.

Faye walked behind him in silence, looking around. Gathering the necessary strength, he dropped onto the couch.

"What do I do?" Faye asked impatiently.

"On my bedroom table there's a metal box, bring it here," he said, trying to sit down as a functional adult.

"Wow, I never figured that you were one for making the bed," Faye said from his room, and for some silly reason, that made him feel warm, "Is this all you've got?" she asked, moving closer to show him the box.

"I brought it here a while ago, don't tend to get high here, but I had it just in case..." Faye didn't seem to believe him by the gesture she made. " Trust me, I can get it anywhere I go, I don't need to have it myself.

Faye put the cocaine in one of her pockets. It would be better if she dropped it down the toilet, he didn't want her to use it. However, he had no right to ask her such a thing.

"How do I know you're not going to walk out the door to get more when I leave,?" she asked, looking at her feet.

"I don't know either," he answered frankly.

"I'm going to leave," she said in a whisper, shaking her feet nervously.

"Thank you for this."

"Yeah"

She left and he was unable to get up from the couch. After spending long hours awake but unable to get up. He tried to train, the Jeet Kune do have helped him last time. Only that at that time he was barely twenty and now at thirty things were different. He couldn't concentrate. Didn't even know how to do it. He went to the closet and took out the last dose of cocaine left in his jacket. He was a fucking liar. Cut it up on his bedside table and snorted it. He was a fucking liar, but he felt better.

Spike began to exercise again, doing compulsive push-ups. He got up, drenched in sweat, at the sound of the bell. Julia was there, in all her glory. How could she be so beautiful?

"How are you? I was worried, I haven't heard from you in three days," she said without moving from the spot.

"How can you look so good?" he asked in a whisper, unable to take his eyes off her. She was beautiful, like a ray of light. Dangerous too.

"I'm used to it," Julia said as she entered the apartment. "You look awful.

"I only did what you said," he replied bitterly.

"I told you to stop worrying, not to turn suicidal."

A sharp laugh escaped his lips, apparently, he had trouble understanding women.

"I brought you this," she handed him a bag of medicine. "It'll help you feel better."

Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. Holding her in his arms, he kissed her. Hugging her close. He wished he could melt into her, but Julia broke away.

"No," she said, placing a hand on his chest.

"No?" he couldn't understand, all he wanted was to feel the touch of her skin.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she said softly.

"I don't care" he hugged her again, kissing her cheeks, her hair, her hands.

"I do," she insisted, pulling away from him, her eyes full of sadness. "I thought you could bear it, but you are incapable, I am broken but you, contrary to what you think, are not, that is why you are like this.

"I can tell by myself," he insisted, taking a step towards her.

"No, take some time, distance yourself from me, from Vicious, from the syndicate and..." She repeated, placing her hand back on his chest.

"You are the only one I have," Spike interrupted her grabbing her hand.

"You should start a life away from all of us..." she whispered, bringing his hand to her lips and kissing it.

"I can't."

"Then come back when you feel better, or when you understand that you can't put your heart into everything you do" her tone had become harder, it sounded almost like an order. She moved away from him and took a step back.

"Julia, please..." he begged.

"Spike I need you more than you can ever imagine, and for once I'm trying not to be selfish, don't make it harder for me.

"I love you" was his last card, the only thing he had to offer, his unconditional love.

"You loved me at the beginning of winter, Spike...not anymore" Julia grabbed him by the face and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I noticed, you should too" she smiled sadly and kissed his lips in a gentle way.

And she left, just like that. Leaving him heartbroken and with a lot of words to say.

He regretted taking the last dose left, now he really needed it. He opened the kitchen cabinet and drank directly from the first bottle he found. Drank until falling asleep on the couch. At least it worked for him. Asleep there was no need for thinking. He woke up with muscle aches and a hangover. There was nothing better for a hangover than getting drunk again. So he got on with it. When the wine started to make him sleepy Spike threw himself on the bed and went back to sleep.

He woke up thinking of the easiest solution, but didn't find the courage to get out of bed and decided to sleep one thousand hours more. At least he no longer felt the need to get stoned, or anything else for that matter.  
When his stomach roared with hunger realized that it had been days since he had eaten. He went to the kitchen and heated a bowl of instant ramen. He could live on automatic, it didn't seem so hard.

Someone knocked on his door, Spike washed his face so he could open it and not looking like the living dead. This was not expected at all, Mao and his two bodyguards. He inclined his body as a sign of respect and Mao shook his hand.

"Let's go for a walk," Mao said, and before his reply, he turned around and walked down the stairs of the building.

It was a warm spring morning, the sun was shining in such a way that seemed to clean up the city. Mao nodded to his bodyguards for them to wait and asked him to walk with him.

"Anastasia called me the other day, very worried, said you had passed by, and that she didn't like what she saw," Mao walked slowly and smiled as he spoke, although his gaze was severe.

"I ..." He didn't remember walking by Annie's place.

"You threw away her magazine rack and vomited on her door," he continued in his serene, angry voice. "It's not the behavior I expect from a member of the Red Dragon."

"I know..." Spike reached for his hair in shame.

"Listen, son," Mao stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. "The Van has an eye on you, you can't lose yourself, I can stand up for you once..."

"The Van?" What the hell would those decrepit old men want with him, he wondered in his head.

"I'm not going to last forever and someone has to be the face of the syndicate after me," Mao explained, getting back on track.

"I don't want to lead anything, Boss," he replied, walking behind him. He wasn't ready for that responsibility. Nor did he want it.

"There are times when what you want doesn't matter, Spike." Mao did not turn around to talk, he kept walking to where his bodyguards were. "I appreciate you, but we will not tolerate one of our best men losing control like that."

One of the guys opened the back door of a black Roll Roice and Mao went inside. Spike approached and Yenray rolled down the window.

"Go apologise to Anastasia," he said with a smile. "She was very angry."

"Yes, boss, I will."

Mao closed the car window and they drove away. Spike went home, bewildered, trying to assimilate what Mao had just told him. On the kitchen counter were the pills Julia had brought. He took a couple of them, had dinner, and went back to bed again.

***

When he woke up he felt a little calmer. So, getting out of bed, he tried again the Jeet Kune do and this time everything was better. Focusing on his breathing, on the flow of his movements. He had his balance again. Back in control.

That made him feel better and hungry again. He went into the shower and let the cold water run over him, until his skin ached. 

Spike was cooking another bowl of instant food when the doorbell rang again.

With a sports bag and her leather jacket under her arm, Faye looked up and greeted him. She had traces of makeup under her eyes, or maybe they were dark circles.

"Can I stay on your couch,? she asked in a sigh. "It's only for a couple of days.

He didn't know what to say, just looked at her in disbelief.

"I couldn't do it anymore," she explained, barely getting enough air to breathe. "I went crazy when he touched me...I didn't know where to go, or what to do...I just wanted him no longer to touch me...I...it will only be a few days..." she repeated even more nervously.

Faye looked like she was about to have a heart attack, so he had to say something. 

"It was about time you left that piece of shit that was your boyfriend," he said turning around and going over to his ramen before it got cold.

Maybe that wasn't the best choice of words.

"My boyfriend? What the fuck are you talking about? Declan was my landlord," she said as she walked behind him.

"Your what?" he turned around to look at her.

"My landlord" she explained very slowly as if he were an idiot. "I needed a place to stay, but with no money or work, no one would rent me anything, I was desperate, Declan offered me the room in exchange for sex a couple of times a month..." Faye interrupted herself gulping trying for a smile, but she couldn't. "I thought you knew," she whispered, blushing.

"How the hell could I know," he said, raising his hands in disbelief.

"You called me a whore when we met," she replied by raising her voice and mimicking his gesture.

"I was joking," he replied in frustration.

"I'll tell you something, Spike, you're not funny."

"How could you let that happen? That's fucking illegal," Spike yelled in annoyance, unable to believe what he had just heard.

"No shit, Sherlock," she shouted back, giving him a big push. Besides, what the fuck does Mr. Mafia have to say about legality?

"Why didn't you let me take care of him? I thought you were in love with him and..."

"Because. Killing. Is. Wrong," she screamed and pushed him again. She was furious.

"There are shelters better than the shit you lived in," he said, grabbing her wrist to try to calm her down and trying to calm himself down as well.

"That wasn't better for me," she replied in barely a whisper that took him apart completely.

"Anyway, let's celebrate like it was meant to be," he said after a huge, uncomfortable silence.

"No way you're not going to drink a single drop, you're getting clean," Faye said, back into her sarcastic tone.

"Are you my mother now?" Spike replied in the same tone.

"I want to punch you in the face," she grunted, turning around.

"You've come to take care of me, haven't you?

"I want to punch you, very hard..." she reiterated.

This was better, much better, this was the Faye that he...

"I have a spare room, you don't have to sleep on the couch," Spike explained, pointing to the door behind them, "I just have to pick up a few things.

Actually, that's where he kept his weapons. It wasn't a good idea that she slept between hand grenades and automatic rifles.

After packing up the room under her incredulous gaze, he sat down on the couch and she did the same.

"Can I ask you a question," Faye said, resting one arm on the back of the couch and her head on it. "Are you okay? You said you'd been through this before..."

That caught him off guard, she sounded genuine and no one had asked him if he was okay for years. 

"Yes, over ten years ago" he leaned against the backrest as well, mirroring her posture. "Look at my eyes, one of them is false," he approached her so she could see him better.

"So that's why they're different," she whispered that she'd realized it made him feel odd.

"Someone set us up, I was badly hurt... I lost my eye and someone I cared about died." Spike turned away from her and looked ahead, he hadn't talked about it in years and it seemed so far away. "I tried to erase it all with cocaine and other shit...but it didn't work."

"Forgetting isn't as good as you think," said Faye hiding her head in her arms. "I would kill for a memory."

"So the whole clinic thing is true? you don't remember anything?" he asked glancing at her, still with her head hidden in the arms and with hair covering her face.

"Yeah...I don't know if they lied to me about the cryo, but I don't know who I really am, I don't know anything at all."

Spike didn't know what to say, it was always the same with her. She left him speechless.

"I'm exhausted, I've walked for hours to get to your house," she said, raising her head.

"Have you walked all the way from the bar?" Spike asked in shock, no doubt Faye was a box of surprises.

She nodded and gave a long, cat-like yawn.

"You're a case, Valentine," he said, standing up. "Go to sleep."


	7. We, the Drowned

* * *

The neighborhood was bustling in the mornings and more so on a market day. There was a good thing about the poor districts is that they were more true, the locals knew each other, there was a community. A collective consciousness of belonging. That was actually one of the things he liked best about living there. He knew who the florist and the baker were.  
  
It was a sunny spring day and they were on their way to see Annie.  
  
Having Faye around helped him stay sober. It was easier than being alone. It wasn't enough to pretend. He had to really act.  
  
"I want to show you something," he said leaning against a steel fence that led to a big car workshop. "I want to introduce you to the girl of my dreams."  
  
"Where is she?" Faye moved closer to the fence and tiptoed over to take a better look.  
  
"It's that one over there," he said, pointing to a ship resting on the other side. "The Swordfish."  
  
Among a pile of cars, ships, and spare parts, the Swordfish was lying on the pavement. Bright and wonderful, with the wings spread out and the cabin closed.  
  
"The pink one?" Faye asked, peering into the workshop.  
  
"It's red," corrected Spike.  
  
"Whatever," she said with a chuckle.  
  
"It's beautiful, it's a MONO Racer, it's one of the fastest of its generation, it used to be a racing ship, it has a Rolls-Royce turbine" he clutched at the metal fence." It's perfect, the feeling of speed when driving it is awesome, it's so handy, so easy to drive and fast... "  
  
"You like it a lot, huh?" she asked, with a friendly smile. "You look so cute when you're enthusiastic."  
  
" I've been trying to buy that thing for years, but there's no way," Spike said, hoping he wouldn't blush at her remark, " Doohan, I'll grant you five million," he yelled as the mechanic walked across the parking lot in his coveralls.  
  
"No way, kid, I'm not going to leave my baby in the hands of a crazy head," he replied as he raised the engine hood.  
  
"What are you working on?" he asked out of curiosity holding tightly to the metal bars of the fence. "Have you changed the gas pedal?"  
  
"Aye, but I'm still unsatisfied with the grip it has," replied Doohan, frowning and pulling a tool out of his box.  
  
"Six million, old man," he shouted again, performing the gesture with his hands.  
  
"No," said Doohan without turning around as he worked on the ship's engine.  
  
"Someday," he cried out as they walked away from there.  
  
  
  
  
Spike filled his lungs with air before walking through the door of the store. He had been thinking for several days about how to apologize to Annie. Despite not remembering what he had done. On top of that, Annie could solve a couple of problems. He was terrified, Annie had quite a temper. The fight was going to be monumental but surely deserved.   
  
"Annie," he said with an insolent smile, sassing things up was one of his best skills.   
  
"Oh, my goodness," she replied without showing any joy.   
  
"Hi" Spike leaned against the counter giving her the best of his smiles again. He was a born seducer. This had to work.   
  
"Don't Hi me, Spiegel" Annie cut him off mercilessly. His tactic wasn't working. He would have to try another one.   
  
"I'm sorry," he said using his best puppy eye.   
  
"You're an insolent idiot brat," she scolded him angrily, pulling his arms away from the counter.   
  
"I know," he felt as if a teacher was reprimanding him for losing his homework.   
  
"A dumbass," she persisted with that annoying reproachful tone, that began to amuse him.   
  
"I know," Spike repeated, lowering his head to look at his shoes.   
  
"What were you thinking?" Annie asked, punching the table.   
  
Obviously, Annie knew more than she was letting on. That that scolding wasn't just about throwing some magazines on the floor when he was drunk.   
  
"I've been through a rough time," he explained, he was being honest, that was all he could say.   
  
Spike was grateful she still cared about him, as she did when he was a child. But he wasn't a kid anymore.   
  
"That's no excuse, and don't tell me "I know"," she sighed, shaking her head.  
  
"I'm so sorry," he repeated, and this time regret became clear in his voice.   
  
"Don't do it again," Annie sighed again and smiled for the first time. "What do you want, boy?   
  
He turned his head to look at Faye, who was walking among the shelves with a banner in her hands.   
  
"I need an I.D. for her," Spike said, pointing to her." Also ammo for a Glock 30. Austria"  
  
"Have you changed your gun? I can't believe you are leaving your Jerico" Annie asked, leaving the boxes of bullets he had ordered on the table.   
  
"They are for her too," he explained.   
  
"Can she speak for herself or is she mute?" Annie asked with a smirk.  
  
"Yes," Faye said as she came to the counter, "I was just looking around."   
  
She was still holding the banner.   
  
"Ammunition and an ID, what are you planning, my dear?" she asked in a curious mood.   
  
"I don't have any kind of ID. It's like I don't exist, so a fake one is better than nothing. " Faye said with a shrug. "The ammo is just in case."   
  
A small chuckle escaped her lips and Annie laughed as well.   
  
"Something else?"  
  
"Do you need an employee?" Faye asked, showing Annie the paper she had been holding in the hands.   
  
Spike felt like being kicked in the gut. He didn't like that. Not at all.   
  
"Yes" answered Annie, looking at Faye from top to bottom "You are a Spike's friend, do you know what we really do here?"  
  
"Sort of," Faye replied and was sure she was avoiding his gaze.   
  
"I don't think that's a good idea..." he interrupted, not wanting to sound as annoyed as he was at the time.   
  
"Shut up, Spike, it's her choice," Annie said, looking at him sternly.   
  
That made him even more irritated. Annie spotted it right away and sent him outside to smoke, saying she and Faye had a lot of things to work out.   
Faye looked at him puzzled, but she didn't seem to notice what she was doing.   
  
The half-hour she spent inside the store went on forever. And it didn't help his anger. When he saw her come out smiling with the ID in her hand, he couldn't help but grab her by the arm and lead her into the alley. But Faye right away lost his grip on her, with an angry look in her eyes.   
  
"What the hell is this all about?" Spike demanded, struggling to stay calm, though he felt the anger seeping through his veins.  
  
"About getting a job and being able to maintain me," she explained with a distant and dismissive tone.   
  
"Are there no other places in this fucking city?" he inquired with disdain, clenching his fists in anger.   
  
"What's your problem,? She replied outraged, tapping her finger on his chest.   
  
"You don't need to work for the syndicate," Spike yelled, unable to control himself anymore.  
  
"You can't tell me what I need," she mumbled, bringing her arms across her chest and defiantly looking at him.   
  
"Do you think this is a game,? He called out in a harsh, threatening voice.   
  
"No" Faye took a step back but kept her eyes on him.   
  
"You're a fucking hypocrite. You keep repeating that killing is wrong, but you're carrying a gun and now you're going to get paid by the Red Dragons" Spike stepped up to her and made a huge effort to avoid grabbing her by the sweater's neck and shaking her.   
  
"You don't understand" She took another step back and her back hit the wall of the building.   
  
"No" of course he didn't understand, he didn't like this game, or what she was up to. Spike cornered her against the wall, intimidating her, she was very scared but he didn't care at all. "Don't try to fuck with us, Faye, you don't know what you're getting into."  
  
Spike was losing his temper trying not to be suspicious but was so angry he wanted to scream.   
  
"Why what is good for you, is not good for me?" she asked, pushing him so hard that nearly made him stagger.  
  
"Who says it's good for me?" Spike screamed. "Why the hell do you think I have to get high to keep going?"  
  
No longer wanted to keep listening to her, or even be in front of her. He walked away without waiting for Faye to add another word. In his anger, all he could think about was getting high again.

  
  
****  
  
  
Vicious went through the church doorway, walked to the baptismal font, and dipped his fingers in the holy water. The smell of incense and burning wax was intense. That place gave him the creeps.  
  
"What's gotten into you now with all that religious paraphernalia,?" Spike asked as he watched his friend drew a cross on his forehead.   
  
"We grew up surrounded by nuns," he observed casually as if that attitude were the most normal thing in the world.  
  
"Yes, they beat us," Spike replied in a cynical tone.  
  
His friend grinned and walked between the church pews. The light that poured through the stained glass windows painted rainbows on the floor.  
  
No one was there, the silence was strange, as strange the distance that separated him from Vicious. He was uncomfortable and upset that his friend was acting as nothing had happened.  
  
He felt like a real shit. And he couldn't get what they had done in that damn office out of his head.  
  
"What do you want to tell me?" Vicious asked. "I've known you for many years, Spike-o, I can feel your discomfort.  
  
"Don't you care about what happened?" he replied, unable to understand Vicious' coldness.  
  
"I enjoyed it," Vicious said with an honest smile that he found annoying.  
  
"I don't understand anything" Spike explained frankly, it disturbed him, he had trouble sleeping at night and his head was not at ease.   
  
"You worry too much about the bullshit," his friend reasoned with a cool voice.  
  
"I don't think it's bullshit, Vicious," he insisted, quit walking and lit a cigarette to calm his nerves.   
  
"Spike, what's the difference between any of the girls you bang any night and Julia?" asked Vicious, keeping the hands in his pockets, a move that left his Katana exposed.   
  
"The feelings." This was ridiculous, all he was trying to do was understand what the hell was going on in Vicious' head. On Julia's, if any of this mattered to them.   
  
"So your problem is that you feel too much," replied Vicious with a sarcastic smile that pissed him off.   
  
"So you don't love her?" Spike wanted to scream, he wanted to punch him and wipe that mocking smile from his face.   
  
"Absolutely" the sincerity with which Vicious uttered that word knocked him out.   
  
"So... Why? " All he needed was answers. Make sense of them. Of everything that was happening.   
  
"Do you think I love her less because I don't care she likes to sleep with others? That has nothing to do with love, Julia and I understand each other on a level that is above sex."  
  
"I've never seen you look at another woman," said Spike in astonishment.   
  
"I don't need it. She's all I want, fucking means nothing to me, Spike, you get hooked on feelings the same way you get hooked on drugs. "  
  
"I'm sure my feelings are real" Spike let out a tired sigh, this was beyond his understanding. It didn't make any sense.  
  
"You are in love with the image of Julia that lies in your head, not with her, Julia is the whole, Julia is the angel and the devil," Vicious sat on one of the benches, his eyes fixed on the image of the Crucified Christ." She accepts the beauty of violence, accepts who she is, you don't. "  
  
Spike sat beside him with his head in his hands. That was madness. It was impossible he was the wrong one.  
  
"You're different from us, Spike, that doesn't mean you're wrong, but if you feel the way you do it will only lead you to the grave. You merely have one choice either give up or change. " Vicious explained soberly without looking away from the Cross.   
  
"At what?" he asked, bringing a hand to his forehead. He was so baffled that his head was starting to ache.   
  
"That's for you to decide."  
  
"Are you saying I should flee the syndicate?" Spike asked, looking at his friend for the first time in a long time.   
  
"NO," Vicious replied sharply, he had never heard him so serious." You can't leave us. Your blood is the same rotten blood like all of us, you're tied here, that option disappeared many years ago. "  
  
"You're being unusually blunt about all this," he said trying to take the edge off, smiling, he would never understand. Vicious was right, he just had to accept it or change.   
  
"Mao won't last forever, and it will be time to change a lot of things," Vicious smiled from ear to ear and stood up from the bench. "And I require you by my side."

  
  
******  
  
  
  
  
When Spike walked through the door of his apartment, he remembered that he was still angry with Faye. She was sitting on the couch with her gym bag on her knees. He suffered a headache and the last thing he wanted was to deal with her.   
  
Change or accept?  
  
"I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye," she said, standing up.  
  
"Are you going to work with Annie?" Spike asked without paying attention to what she was saying. All he craved was get into bed and forget about that damn day.  
  
"Yes," she replied firmly, holding the bag so tightly that her fingers were whitening.   
  
"There is nothing that I can say to change your mind?" he insisted, perhaps it wasn't him who was wrong.   
  
"No" Faye bit her lower lip and looked at him as if she wanted to pierce him.   
  
"Then stay," Spike finally said, tossing his jacket on the couch. Holding back the look of those damn green eyes.   
  
"But... you don't agree with it... " She whispered in confusion letting herself fall onto the couch again and hugging her knees.   
  
"No... But if you're over here I can... " What? Take care of her, is that what he wanted to express? Prevent her from becoming one of them. Do the opposite of what Julia and Vicious said. To care. "I can keep an eye on you..."  
  
"I'm sorry," Faye hid her head between her legs." But I need earning money, I don't want you to maintain me, I don't want to owe you anything. "  
  
"Why is that so important to you?" Spike asked, taking a hand to his aching head. It seemed he couldn't help but be wrong.   
  
"You have been kind to me for nothing... And that doesn't happen frequently... " Faye answered so softly that he barely heard her.   
  
"Oh fuck" there he was, speechless again. He had to admit defeat, she was going to win every time. "Just be careful, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Faye said, hiding between her legs.

This looked like trouble 


	8. Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

* * *

  
Faye dropped the keys on the kitchen counter and sat down on a stool in front of him. She looked at his food and picked up a french fry from the box.  
  
"Do you know a guy named Alger Koch?" she asked, sitting with the legs crossed under her ass.  
  
"No," he said, removing the box of fries she kept picking up out of her reach.  
  
"He says he's a member of the Red Dragon," Faye told him, grimacing when he stared at her, placing all the potatoes in his mouth.   
  
"What's wrong with him?" Spike asked, still with his mouth full. You'd have to be a big dick to go around saying that.  
  
"He comes to the store all the time. He's nice but quite presumptuous, he says he plays in the premier league," she casually commented while seeking the tobacco in one of her pockets.  
  
"And...?" he asked even more intriguing about who that asshole was that kept speaking nothing but garbage.   
  
"Well, he has invited me to dinner at least five or six times. But I don't know if I'm committing a mortal sin by ignoring him since he plays in 'the top league'" she explained, making air quotes with her fingers. I mean, they're not going to put me in concrete shoes and throw me in the ocean, are they? "  
  
"It doesn't work like that, Faye," Spike explained with a laugh and lighting her cigarette." We' re not a cult , that guy has nothing to command you , you work for Annie, you just take orders from her. The line of command is very clear. If someone above Annie wants something from you, he'll ask her and she'll tell you. "  
  
"It's good to know," she said, looking for an ashtray to place the ashes in. He handed her the empty potato box and Faye smiled.  
  
"Otherwise, if he has to say the league thing, I doubt very much that that smug prick holds any kind of power," said Spike, lighting a cigarette himself.  
  
"How do you know if you don't know him?" she asked in a suspicious way.  
  
"Because I know everyone above me in the chain of command," Spike said with arrogance, leaning on the counter to be closer to her.  
  
"Who's the smug now?" Faye replied and copied the gesture.

" Just saying." If some idiot wanted to hit on her using that cheap trick he was going to have a hard time. "What did you say his name was?"

Spike was really curious about who he was and why the hell he was going to see Faye and tell her nonsense.

"Alger Koch, blond, quite tall and handsome, has thick eyebrows," Faye said as she put her fingers over her eyebrows and puckered her gesture into a more serious one.

"Now I know who he is," Spike exclaimed, holding a hand to his forehead." He's one of Vicious' minions. "  
  
It was clear to him. He was an idiot with great airs that aspired to fly really high.  
  
"Vicious is your best friend, isn't he?" she asked and Spike nodded, Faye became pensive as she stared at him. "Do you have minions?" she asked again, almost whispering, he shook his head and went over to her for a better listen. "How high are you in that league?"  
  
Spike couldn't tell if Faye was asking out of curiosity or out of fear, he couldn't tell by the tone of her voice. But her gaze was so intense that he was attracted to her like a magnet.  
  
"It's none of your business," he replied with a cheeky smile, moving away from her.  
  
"Okay, I deserve that," Faye turned the stool over and stretched out and jumped off it.  
  
"Curiosity killed the cat," Spike said as he stepped out from behind the counter, grabbing his trench coat." I have to get out. "  
  
"Do you have a job?" Faye asked behind his back. As if she suddenly realized she had made a mistake, she smiled nervously and looked away. "I know... it's none of my business. "  
  
"How do you know?" he asked, he had tried to be discreet and not to involve her more than she already was.   
  
"Your pose... is usually listless... except when you have some order then your shoulders are tense... " Faye mumbled and her cheeks blushed slightly.  
  
"You're a good observer," whispered Spike, reaching into his pockets to avoid doing something he would probably regret. Faye was so close that he could touch her.  
  
"It's a useful skill." She giggled and went to sit on the couch.  
  
" Yes , I see ," Spike answered , letting out a sigh as he approached the door ." Good night. "  
  


* * *

  
  
There was an explosion and then the heat. After a heavy blow on the back, he no longer remembered anything. Spike was walking, though wasn't conscious of taking steps. He wasn't even aware that he was standing. He was aware of the pain and the itching of the bandages against his skin. If breathed, his lungs hurt and he didn't know why. He recognized the door to his house , wanted to look for the keys in his pocket , but someone was quicker and knocked on the door and didn't know why he was still standing, perhaps because of the arm that was holding him.   
  
Faye opened the door. Her hair was disheveled, and she was wearing small pajamas. From his stance he had a close-up view of her breasts, so he raised his head to look at her face. She paled and suppressed a scream, covering her mouth with her hands.  
  
"We have been caught by an explosion ," Vicious' voice sounded at his side , he wanted to turn his head to ask what was happening , but it was painful ." Help me get him to his room. "  
  
"Okay," Faye said, gently running her arm across his back. "What's with him?"  
  
"He's got burns all over his body, but it's nothing serious," Vicious explained in a calm voice. "He's been shot with morphine for the pain, that's why he's like this, he'll be off for a day or two."  
  
Faye mentioned something he didn't catch, and the two of them were silent as they conducted him into the room. Why was it so far away?  
  
  
Spike was going back and forth into unconsciousness not quite sure how much time he spent sleeping. He found himself lying in bed with the lights off. His skin was burning, the bandages were bothering him and he was really tired. His back hurt when contact with the sheets so he lay on his side. The pain was subtle but constant. Woke up feeling a weight on the bed, but didn't open his eyes.  
  
"You're a mess," Faye ran a hand across his cheek. Her hands were very cold, and the contrast against the heat was nice.  
  
She hugged him very carefully, hiding her head in his neck. She smelled so good and was so warm that it seemed unreal.  
  
"You know... when you showed up at the bar, I had to sleep with you... it was either that or the floor," she said with a soft chuckle as she caressed his face. "You were half hallucinating with fever, but you told me you dreamed you heard me laughing," she sighed and held him in her arms. "You held me, and I felt so..." Faye sighed and stopped talking, she ran her hands through his hair, her breath tickled his skin and he didn't even dare to breathe. "You gave me the courage to walk away from there, I wasn't going to let anyone who didn't care about me ever touch me again. Anyway, I'm sure you thought you were with your girl, but it doesn't matter. " The sadness in her voice broke his heart. He wanted to hug her back, but he knew her well enough to know that she would be pissed off at him for pretending to be asleep. With Faye, it was always the same the closer he got the greater the distance between them. She bent over carefully and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "I guess that's enough for two depressed idiots like us."  
  
She moved away from him and left the room.

* * *

  
  
  
Spike hated that bloody annual City Hall party. He hated being there and even more when his burns still hurt. It was absurd, that whole charade where the leading men of the city looked down on them. Thinking they were better than them. However, they were there to collect commissions from illegal businesses. Bastards who posed next to the big headlines "Blow to the Mafia" "Gun traffic falls thanks to police work" while they filled their pockets with the same dirty money.  
  
At least he didn't have to talk to anyone. Just observe the boring party.  
  
The mayor and his wife talked to Mao Yenray in a casual way. The Prosecutor General was there as well as the head of the ISSP. Everyone seemed to be having fun except him. The stewardesses served champagne glasses. All were pretty girls, dressed in black silk qipaos with red dragons embroidered. A not at all subtle warning.  
  
  
In the private room, he noticed Faye, with the black dress, her hair up, and a perfect fake smile. She had a tray of wine glasses in her hand and blinked delicately every time someone took one. But she was paying attention to all the conversations and hiding the boredom better than he did. He didn't expect to see her around. But in this kind of party used to like having pretty girls around.  
  
Speaking of the devil, Julia walked into the council hall. She was dressed in an amazing red dress that outlined her shape. Her wavy hair was floating behind her. She was stunning, and everyone was looking at her. She smiled when noticing his presence and approached him.  
  
"So are you here too?" she asked leaning against the wall and letting out a sigh.  
  
"Yes, one more time" Spike sighed as well.   
  
"The Van summoned me and made it quite clear that I couldn't miss this year," She explained with a grimace of annoyance on her face, "Fucking creeps."  
  
"The Van? Mao told me that I should be seen. " Yenray didn't like direct orders, but he spoke his mind. What he would never understand is the Van and their decisions about stupid things like this. "What do they want?"  
  
"I don't know, they told me: Show up there. Talk to the people. Be discreet," she snorted without raising her voice as she nodded to a man who passed by them.  
  
"You are anything but discreet in that dress, Jules," Spike said with a laugh.  
  
"Fuck them," laughed Julia, also asking for a cigarette." I envy Vicious. He always manages to avoid it. "  
  
"He's always had a lot of nerve." Spike joked, looking at the private room where Mao was moving like a fish in a bowl.  
  
"He told me you almost burned yourself to death saving his life," said Julia, pulling herself away from the wall and holding his arm carefully.  
  
"Sometimes Vicious can be a drama queen" Spike smiled in complicity, but she kept her expression straight.  
  
"Anyway, thank you very much," she repeated, tightening her grip and smiling in a tender gesture.  
  
"Whatever happens, he is my friend. He has always been. He's my brother," he remarked, looking blankly across the room.  
  
"I know, and that's why I'm sorry for..."  
  
"Julia, it doesn't matter, it's all right, there's no need to worry," he cut her off before she started anything. He didn't feel like talking about them, ever again.  
  
"Something has changed in you..." she murmured, looking at him with curiosity.  
  
"I feel better and I'm back," said Spike, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a tired smile.  
  
"I'm glad... I guess," Julia smiled but her eyes didn't and it all sounded so fake.  
  
And for the first time in a long time, he didn't care. It is possible he had finally comprehended what she and Vicious were talking about. Julia shook her hair and rubbing his arm again she was lost among the people.  
  
The party got as bored as it was every year, Spike talked to some people and consumed a few drinks. The night felt like it was endless and all he desired to do was get out of there. It was also impossible for him to get close to Faye and mock her about her current job as an event stewardess.  
  
This Alder Koch was there too, strutting around. Pretending to be someone big, he didn't realize what a jerk he was. This was the last thing he needed.  
  
When that hell finally ended, he politely said goodbye to some of the authorities and set off. Julia came towards him, grimacing with disgust every time she said goodbye to another person.  
  
"We are going to a club. One of the guys has reserved the VIP area and the thing promises to be epic," said Julia walking with him towards the exit.  
  
The door boy put a coat on her, and she gave him a seductive smile.  
  
"I'm going to skip it. It' s hard for me to stay clean, and going to a party is not the best idea," Spike replied honestly, putting on his coat , with no one to help him.   
  
"Being a good boy, huh?" Julia smiled frankly and made him feel good.  
  
"I try," he liked being able to talk to her in a normal way, it made things easier.  
  
Spike walked her to the cab stop and waited for a new one to come for him. Leaving through the side door he saw Faye, still in that little dress, with the other girls, they were laughing and vanished into the street. The cab arrived and he went home.  
  


* * *

  
  
The sound of smashed glass woke him up. He jumped like a deer out of bed and grasped his gun. Someone was crazy enough to try to rob his house. Spike walked slowly, regulating his breathing, with his back against the wall. He burst open his room door and aimed at the doorway.  
  
There was Faye, sitting on the floor surrounded by glass and laughing like a little girl. He laid down the gun on a high table and moved closer to her, who couldn't stop laughing.  
  
He squatted in front of her. Something had broken, and she was lying there among the crystals.  
  
"Why do you have a vase?" she asked, unable to stop giggling. "Well... You had. "  
  
"You're very drunk," said Spike trying not to laugh, her cheeks were red her hair was tousled, and nothing was left of her afternoon pickup.  
  
"And you're a genius," she said, holding his face with both hands and shaking his head. Spike smiled from ear to ear, he could smell her vodka and cigarette breath. Her expression became curious and he was amused, "Why are you so pretty? " Faye asked barely raising her voice.  
  
" Genetics , I guess ," Spike answered , moving her hands gently aside. He took Faye by the waist and rose her up. "Let me see your hands," He softly commanded taking her arms and running his hands through them, she could have cut herself with the vase's crystals.  
  
"Are you going to predict my future?" asked Faye with that intense look that made him nervous.  
  
"Yes," he muttered, running his fingers through her palms. She drew a breath and gulped while looking at him and a cold sweat ran down his back. "Tomorrow you're going to have a hangover."  
  
Faye pouted, and Spike took her by the shoulders and carefully drove her into her bedroom. The dragon in her dress looked like it wanted a bite of her neck and wrapped her in a tight embrace. He realized that the zipper drew the curve of her hip and struggled to avoid running his fingers through it. Faye turned around as she entered the room and before she spoke anything, Spike said good night and closed the door.  
  
He didn't know what to do, whether to go back to bed or take a cold shower.  
  



	9. Volcano

* * *

No matter how hard you try, you're going to fall back in sooner or later.

That's why he was there, in Julia's car, banging her, after a weekend of alcohol, drugs, and a lot of sex. To hell with the five months of abstinence. Spike hadn't slept in three days but didn't mind with Julia screaming his name in the lap. What a way to start on a Monday, with pants around the ankles in the back of a red sports car.

Julia was fixing her clothes while he was smoking a cigarette.

"Damn it, I have a meeting in an hour," Julia said looking at the gold watch that glowed on her wrist. She moved to the front of the car, looking for the shoes, the shirt, and everything he had ripped off her an hour ago. She placed some cocaine on the back of her hand, snorted it, and sat down at the wheel. "I can't take you home," she said as she arranged her hair in the rearview mirror. If it wasn't for her dilated pupils, one would think she had just gotten up.

"Okay," Spike muttered, pulling up his pants, "Fresh air sounds good to me."

He arrived home forty minutes later, took a shower, and in the mirror found hickeys on his neck. Julia had left her mark, like the vampire she was. A sexy and dangerous vampire who carried him by the hand to his darkest places.

He knew he wasn't going to sleep at all and sat on the couch to watch TV. There was nothing on at that hour but morning shows about macabre events and the lives of celebrities. He was caught up in the news of the infidelity-related pregnancy of a popular singer's daughter when the street door opened.

Faye walked in through the door, stoned out of her mind. So she had fallen into disgrace too huh. That sucked. She was wearing black pants and a lace top that would have passed for lingerie without a doubt.

"Are you back already?" she asked, taking off her high shoes.

"Before you do," he replied, attending to the television.

She stood in front of him with her hands on her hips.

"I like your shirt," Spike said, devouring her with his eyes.

She took it off and threw it in his face.

"It's all yours," she said with a serious gesture, not taking her eyes off him. "Do you want pants too?"

"Yes."

Faye slid her hands down her hips, taking off her pants, which were so tight it seemed to be peeling off her skin.

"Anything else,?" she whispered, her tights went up to her thigh and she was wearing tiny pink panties.

"Everything."

Faye moved closer to him and sat down on his lap.

A slamming door woke him up in the best part of his dream. Faye was surprised to see him and he had to cover his erection with a cushion.

"It's been a long time," she said ironically as she walked past the couch. She went into her room straight away and then came back out, "I'm going back to work." She didn't say anything else, just as she had come, she left.

Spike brought his hands to face, and let out a bitter laugh. This was driving him crazy. He no longer knew what he wanted. Or precisely that was the problem, he knew it very well.

After more than two hours of exercise, he took another shower. Then he went out to the supermarket, deciding that in that house they should finally eat something that wasn't precooked.

Outside Annie's door, Faye was talking to a delivery boy. She was smoking and he was leaning on the delivery cart, looking at her like she was a piece of cake. Faye was laughing over something and she looked so lovely in her jeans and yellow shirt. That felt bad even to think about her.  
Koch parked his car in front of the store, slapped the delivery boy on the wrist, and nodded Faye and they went inside. Alger ran an arm around her waist, but she pulled away and they disappeared from his sight. That asshole was determined to haunt Faye like a freaking fly.

And now he was jealous. Great.

"Good morning, Spike," Annie appeared beside him as if from nowhere. "Good to see you, I need a hand."

He followed her to the car, she had a trunk full of ammo. Union business. He helped her load a cart, the boxes were very heavy and didn't all fit, so he took one in his arms. 

"I can take that cart and come back for the box," Spike said politely.

"No need, the cart is electric, it doesn't weigh." Annie smiled, "You don't have to play the _Machito_ ".

"Ok Annie," Spike smiled back at her, and trying not to make the box look too heavy, they walked back to the store

"Did you like the cake?" she asked in a curious tone. 

"What cake?" Spike asked even more curiously.

"Friday was Faye's birthday and I gave her a cake, she saved a piece for you." Annie winked at him, in a friendly gesture and chuckled, "I made it at home."

"I didn't know it was her birthday..." said Spike, puzzled, he hadn't been home all weekend anyway. He couldn't have known.

Inside the store, Alger and Faye were talking by the counter, the guy recognized him right away and made a respectful sign. Spike only gazed at him, holding back the desire to show him a middle finger. It wasn't right acting like a fifteen-year-old. Annie requested Koch to help her unload the boxes and he reluctantly accompanied her into the back room. Leaving them alone.

"We're back on different sides of a counter," Spike joked, still holding the heavy box in his arms.

"It seems that way," Faye let out a smile, but there was nothing real about it. He hated to see her smile in such a fake way. Hated that she smiled at him like that.

He placed the box on the table and noticed how Faye's gaze subtly turned to the hickeys on his neck.

Faye, though with trouble, grabbed the box.

"I can help you with that," Spike said, watching as Faye struggled to bear the weight as she brought the box to the opposite side from where it was.

"It is not necessary," she answered, dropping the box on the floor and bending down to open it and put the bullets in their respective drawers. Faye had her back to him, and she looked tense.

"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday," he asked, trying to sound casual.

"You weren't at home," She had a point. Spike took one hand to his hair and scratched his head, not knowing very well what to say. "It wasn't my birthday anyway..."

"Did you lie?" he asked. Somehow he was relieved. He hadn't missed the birthday because he had succumbed to his addictions.

"No, I needed a date of birth on my contract. Annie must have read it and she gave me a cake," she explained without even turning around to look at him.

"You chose a random date?" Spike laughed out loud. She couldn't be that angry. Maybe she just wanted to be flattered a little.

"The day I woke up in the clinic," she said, and it sounded like a slap in the face.

Of course, he had the ability to hurt her by opening his mouth. Faye was painfully frank, but he was a dick.

"How long has it been?" Spike asked leaning over the counter.

"Two years," Faye kept tidying up the bullets, keeping her back to him.

Are you okay?" he needed to know if she was sad or angry.

Faye turned around and stood up. "Do you want to buy something? I have a lot of work," she asked abruptly. 

He got it. She was angry. He smiled cheekily and left the store. 

He had to plan something to make up for forgetting her birthday. Or whatever the hell she wanted to call it. A dinner. That's it. That could work. Although he'd never cooked for anyone before, he'd never really cooked.

Spike chose to roast a chicken, which didn't sound so difficult. Bought some good wine and came home, whistling. 

He read a couple of recipes and managed to prepare a pretty decent dinner. 

Faye arrived home hours later, Spike was waiting for her with his apron on and smiling like an idiot. 

"Welcome to your dinner, Miss Valentine," he said, pulling the chair aside for her to sit down.

"Have you done this for me?" she asked, looking at the delicately arranged table.

"I've tried it, it's my plate of redemption," he explained, putting his hands in his pockets and swinging back and forth. 

"You haven't done anything wrong, Spike, I'm the one who's in a bad mood, I... Never mind, let's eat, shall we?" Faye smiled as she sat down to dinner and he did the same. 

They ate and talked for hours, the chicken was good and he was proud and didn't stop joking with her about his bright future as a chef in a big restaurant. 

Faye was smiling and he couldn't stop thinking about her lips, how appetizing they looked. 

Spike had a couple of glasses of wine and she had none. He figured it was because she had to go to work the next day.   
Everything seemed so normal, and natural, that he felt ridiculously happy. 

"I didn't make any dessert," Spike said with a laugh. 

"That would be an unnecessary risk," she joked, leaving the napkin on the table. 

Spike couldn't take his eyes off her, resting his hand on his cheek, smiling. Faye held his gaze for a few seconds until she ended up blushing. 

"You've cooked, I'm going to do the dishes," she said suddenly, standing up.

She picked up the table and walked over to the sink, Spike let out a long sigh and after a long minute came over to her. 

"Leave that," he whispered and grabbed the arm to turn her over and just kissed her, he couldn't help himself anymore. He had desired her since ever.

"What are you doing?" Faye pushed him, furious, gasping for breath, and stared at him with eyes full of hate. "Have you ever thought that women are more than just something to satisfy your instincts?"

Spike was in shock, he didn't expect that reaction, she looked almost in tears. Couldn't understand what had happened. They had just had a nice dinner.

"It's not that," he tried to explain but saw his image in the mirror, he had dark circles under his eyes, a face like he hadn't slept in days, and a neck full of hickeys. No doubt kissing her had been a terrible idea. This time he had screwed up badly.

"Fuck you," Faye hit him with her shoulder and took long strides to lock herself in her room. She soon went out again. With her few belongings in the sports bag.

"Where are you going?" he asked, trying to block her way, she was overreacting. She was like a volcano about to explode.

"I'm leaving," she replied defiantly.

"Are you going to sleep on the street," he asked, blocking her way again.

"It doesn't matter to you, I should have left when I started making money"

"Come on, Faye, it's not a big deal, it was just a kiss," Spike said, trying to minimize the importance of it to calm her down.

" Just a kiss? Why did you think you could do that?" she cried in disbelief.

"You were the one who got into my bed" His words sounded so abrupt and full of bitterness that he immediately regretted them.

"Were you awake?" she murmured, biting her lips, she clenched her fists, a lonely tear ran down her cheek. But she immediately wiped it away. He didn't know what to say, Faye was shaking with pure rage. "Well, I have feelings, you are horny," she spat out each word in anger.

"You don't know that," he was bitter, sad, he really... wanted to show her that he cared.

"I saw you this morning, groping a blonde against a car, Spike" she cut, dropping the bag on the ground, her voice was cold. " And I know who she is...So if you think you're going to take out the frustration you feel about fucking your friend's girlfriend with me, you're terribly mistaken. How wrong I was... all these months you were so... I can't believe it... I'm a fucking idiot."

Spike closed his eyes, with nothing to argue about, he was doomed to make one mistake after another.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this, do what you want with your life, but forget that I exist. She left slamming the door and he felt like the greatest bastard on the planet.


	10. Breezeblocks

* * *

Faye was tired, she had barely slept. She was on her third coffee in the morning and still couldn't focus on work. Her head was elsewhere. She was angry. But with herself. She was the one who had trusted. The one who had fallen for that idiot. When she should know better. Being vulnerable was the best way to get hurt.   
  
Just because Spike had always been kind, even sweet, she suddenly found herself thinking about his rogue smile and his pretty eyes. In the line of his collarbone, in his scars, in his large, calloused hands, and in how good he smelled. There she was once more, thinking about him. She choked back a cry of frustration against a newspaper.  
  
"We have to sell that, honey," Annie said as she walked into the store to get her purse.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry," she replied embarrassed.  
  
"I have an appointment. I won't be back until this afternoon," Annie gave her a bunch of instructions and left.  
  
The morning was peaceful, except for a couple of kids who came in to buy alcohol with fake IDs and a local homeless to get a sandwich, which she paid for. Not much more work for her, though.   
  
Alger stepped into the store, again, Faye didn't feel like dealing with him. She smiled when he approached the counter, a friendly face, was the best way to attend to the public even though that guy was starting to bother her with his almost daily visits.   
  
Koch looked quite serious, and that gave her a bad feeling.   
  
"You have to come with me. Spiegel has been hurt, he's very critical" were the only words he said, not even a "hello".   
  
"What?" she asked, she didn't know what to state, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know if her heart was even still beating.   
  
Without thinking twice she wrote a note to Annie explaining what was going on. She was in such a state of nervousness, that her hands were shaking so badly it was hard for her to close the door.   
  
She followed him to the car with her heart in a fist, wishing that Spike was okay, that Koch was just overreacting. That when she arrived at his side he would display something silly and grip off all the weight she felt at that moment.   
  
Suddenly, he opened the back door, felt Alger grasp the gun out of her pants, and put it against her back.  
  
"Go inside," any trace of kindness was erased from his voice.  
  
He forced her into the car without any courtesy; Declan was sitting there. Faye was frozen, unable to comprehend what was going on. Alger came in behind her and closed the car door, and the car ran away. Her heart was racing, she was terrified. There was no way to escape from there. Alger place one arm around her and came closer. She could feel his breath on her neck and was so disgusting that she didn't dare move.  
  
"You felt good rejecting me, huh? He said, running his hand down the collar of her shirt and groping her breast.  
  
"And you think by being a fucking rapist you're going to win me over?" She responded giving him a hard header to get rid of his grip.  
  
"You fucking bitch, you broke my nose," he yelled, bringing the hands to his face to reduce the bleeding.  
  
Declan cackled and grabbed her face. He was hurting her but wasn't going to give them the pleasure of showing it.  
  
"You've always been a wildcat, huh, baby?" Declan whispered, getting so close to her that she could smell his breath.  
  
"You're no better," Faye grunted, spitting in his face.  
  
Alger captured her by the wrists and Declan punched hard into her stomach, which took her breath away. Faye bent over herself trying to recover the breath.  
  
She bent over herself trying to recover her breath.  
  
Alger pulled her up by the hair and bound the wrists at her back with a bridle.  
  
She was fucked up, but she wasn't going to leave without a fight. Even if she had to bite their jugulars off.   
She decided to stay quiet. She had to act cold, if she let her nerves manage her she had everything lost.   
  
"Did you bring everything?" Declan asked, forcing her against the seat.   
  
"It's in the trunk," replied the other man.   
  
Faye breathed in and out, as she tried to discreetly loosen her restraints.  
  
They pulled her out of the car by the hair and dragged her to the bar. She never thought about returning there. Just being there scared the hell out of her.   
  
While Declan thrust her into the bar, Alger stayed behind, gripping something from the trunk. Something was going on, and she was in the middle of a pile of shit.   
  
Her old boss threw her against the wall, and she tripped over a chair. She skinned her knees but at that moment it didn't matter.   
  
Alger came in with the driver who was just a boy and deposited a couple of bags on one of the tables. He opened them. They were full of vials of purple liquid.  
  
"You're the traitor," and the poor driver did 't have time to do anything else, a bullet went through his head and he fell to the ground, dead.  
  
She screamed in terror, but they didn't bother to look at her.  
  
"Here's your other body," said Alger in a harsh voice, "where's the money?  
  
Declan left the bar through the storage room door, and Koch pushed the boy's body into a corner.   
  
When Declan came back, he had another duffel bag with him. He left it with the others and Koch counted all the money.   
  
"Are you sure this will work?" asked Declan.  
  
"Absolutely, it's flawless, they are suspicious of her. With that one we already have the connection to the syndicate" explained Alger, pointing to the driver's body.   
  
What? They were suspicious of her? Was Spike? That tear out her heart. Did he know about all this? Did he agree? She didn't want to cry. Not now. But it was so unjust. She nothing but wanted to move on. Survive. She couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"I just have to keep up the charade, I'll say I caught them in the act and I did what one does with traitors."   
  
If they were so calm talking about it in front of her, she was dead.  
  
"What if they interrogate you about the missing drug?" Declan was far on edge than the other one.   
  
"That's the hardest part, I'll admit that I reacted without thinking, and as a sign of regret I'll personally take care of looking for the Red Eye, but believe me they are more concerned about finding the traitor than the damn drug."  
  
"I hope it works, damn it, I'm risking my life."   
  
They kept arguing for a long time, developing their scam. Meantime, Faye had been trying to get rid of the bridle but was incapable to do so. It was tight, and it was hurting her wrists.   
  
Koch moved closer to her and without a word punch her in the face with violence. Making her spit blood.  
  
"Quite brave of you to confront someone tied up," she grunted with her knees on the floor.  
  
"This is for my nose. You bitch," he said angrily, kicking her in the belly.  
  
He threw her almost to the other side of the room, walked up to her again, and stood with his legs open over her.  
  
"You don't know what fun I'm going to have," he remarked with a grin and bent over to punch her face again. She couldn't bear the pain. He had no mercy. As much as she tried to defend herself, Alger hit her again and again. There was anger in every kick, in every punch. She was going to die there. In that way and it was so unfair, she wanted to flee into a happy memory, but she couldn't remember any.   
  
"Stop," Declan pulled him aside and lifted her by the hair." There are other ways to have fun. "  
  
He dragged her to one of the tables and thrust her over. Her mouth tasted like blood. The heart was pounding hard against her chest. She was in pain and terrified. But she couldn't panic or would be lost.   
  
"You shouldn't leave here, you owe me over a year's rent" Declan held her tightly against the table and she could barely move.   
  
"I paid you, motherfucker," Faye screamed in anger trying to get rid of him.   
  
"I didn't get any money. You're just a cheap whore," he whispered in her ear as he put his hands inside the shirt. Her eyes filled with tears, it wasn't right, not again. He could hear Alger laughing as Declan groped her and perceive him approaching the table unbuttoning his pants.  
  
Faye took a deep breath. Those two idiots didn't even realize she had her hands free. When Alder stood at her level, she was capable to remove her gun from his belt. She shot, without thinking and hit him in the middle of his balls. She may not have good memories, but she has time to build new ones. She should.   
  
Alger began to scream like a maniac, covered in blood. Swearing at her. But in her life, she had felt more satisfied.  
  
At the moment of distraction, she managed to get away from Declan who took a step back. She aimed at him, as tears rolled down her cheeks, the salt stung her wounds and clouded her vision. Faye unloaded the entire loader on him, one shot after another. Crying and screaming with anger. Until she ran out of bullets and her legs stopped sustaining her. From the corner of her eye saw how Koch pulled out his gun and aimed it at her, he was bleeding to death but strong enough. She closed the eyes. She was so tired, broken, just let it end now.  
  
There was a shot, but she was still alive, lift her head, and saw a blonde with a shotgun in the bar door. The bullet had gone through Alger's chest.  
  
"Oh, fuck, are you okay?" Julia walked up and bent down beside her. "Have you been shot?"  
  
Faye denied with her head, she was in pain and could barely breathe. Julia fixed her shirt. She hadn't noticed that she was partly naked.  
  
"Those bastards," she mumbled. "I'm sorry I believe this is my fault." Faye stared at her unsure of what to reply, made an attempt to stand up, but failed and hit the ground again with her knees. "The Van was suspicious of you, and I was told to keep an eye on you," Julia helped her to sit down and then handed a handkerchief to clean the blood.  
  
"What have I done?" Faye asked, exhausted, leaning her back against the chair.   
  
"Some time ago we found out that someone was snatching Red Eye from us from the inside and selling it to Declan. And suddenly you show up, first working for Declan and then for us. All seemed odd. Everything suggested that you were the connection between the traitor and Declan. "Julia sat down next to her and took out a cigarette." I talked to Vicious about Van's suspicions. I shouldn't have done it. He only contemplates one option with the traitors. "   
  
"It was Alger..." she whispered and gladly agreed to share the tobacco with her, even if it hurt. Faye nodded at the suitcases, all the evidence, the drugs, and the money were there.  
  
"I supposed it. He always aspired to ascend steps in the organization. He was ambitious but an idiot" explained Julia. "Initially I thought he was your connection because he went to visit you a lot, but he just wanted to use you for his plans."   
  
She felt like crying again, Would anybody ever see her as a human being?  
  
"It would have been better if you had executed me at the first suspicion," Faye replied with sarcasm, carrying a hand to her aching chest. "It would have prevented me from suffering this."   
  
"I appreciate Spike enough to give you at least the benefit of the doubt." Julia smiled gently, that answer unsettled her. Had Spike been monitoring her all this time too?   
  
"Did he also think I was guilty?" she asked, and she felt anger allowing the sadness to be visible in her voice.   
  
"Spike? No way, he didn't even know, besides he's in love with you, you could have puppies for breakfast he wouldn't care" Julia commented with a laugh. She was so direct that it was hard for Faye to grasp what she had barely declared.   
  
"How do you know?" Faye whispered, blushing, unable to believe her words.   
  
"Because he used to love me," Julia sighed and run the hands to her long hair.   
  
"But... he told me your story and... I note how it affected him... you are wrong... it can't be true... "   
  
"I know it's complex to understand, but I've known him for a long time... I know how he works. "Julia looked at Faye and could clearly see the skepticism on her face because she chuckled. "Okay, we've been weak, but it would be unfair if he loses someone he cares about for a couple of drunken fucks."  
  
"That's very brave," Faye admitted, the frantic beating of her heart made her body hurt even more. She was surprised, didn't know if she would be able to be as honest as Julia.   
  
"I told you, I appreciate him," Julia smiled and stood up. She zipped up the bags and picked up all the shells lying on the floor. "Can you walk? We have to leave before the police arrive. "  
  
Faye tried to stand up but felt short of breath. "I'm having trouble breathing," she said as she slid to the floor again.  
  
"We can wait for a little, but not long," Julia knelt and sighed.  
  
The door opened abruptly, Spike showed up, sweating, and stared at them with his eyes wild open. He rushed towards them and bent down by their side.  
  
"What's happened?" he asked, getting her face delicately and removing the hair away from her face, he noted nothing, just stared, shocked, touching her with concern, "What the hell have you done?" he shouted furiously at Julia.  
  
"Me?" Julia replied somewhere between incredulous and funny.  
  
"Don't be an asshole. She saved my life," she grabbed his arm and gave him a reproachful look.  
  
"I advised you, you should stop being such emotional" Julia looked at him reproachfully as well.  
  
"Right?" Faye said and although it was excruciating winked at her and they both laughed.  
  
"What is this? A witch's coven plotting against me?" Spike asked, grumbling.  
  
"Oh, my God, that would be wonderful," Faye said with a tired sigh.   
  
Julia laughed and then did she but it was painful. She put her hands on her abdomen and Spike seemed to panic.  
  
"Are you okay?" Spike whispered in a sweet voice and clutched her face again, although it hurt, feeling the touch of his hands was amazing. She nodded, with her eyes closed, and he gave her a little kiss on the forehead.  
  
"We have to leave now. The police won't be long and she needs a doctor urgently," Julia took the bags of drugs and money and went to the door.  
  
"I'm going to lift you," Spike whispered, placing his arms under her, it hurt so much. She hugged him and hiding her head against his neck, she began to cry in silence, hoping that he couldn't listen to her. "I'm terribly sorry," he muttered, caressing her head. He held her against him and stood up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of plot holes to fill. Hahaha  
> I have changed my mind about the traitor twice.  
> And I was looking forward to a meeting between Faye and Julia and of course, they weren't going to fight over a man.  
> I hate that in fiction women become instant enemies. It ruins everything for me. 
> 
> We stand for sorority here!


	11. Boys don't cry

* * *

Spike was moving like a caged lion. The lobby of Mao's office had never seemed so small to him. He required explanations. He wanted to comprehend why no one had spoken to him, why they had kept from him that they were suspicious of her, why even the last monkey at this party knew about it. Everyone, except him.

Why the hell did all that crap almost get her killed?

Faye had three broken ribs and a smashed face. Her cheekbone, one eye, bruised. She received stitches on her eyebrow and inside her lips. But she could have been murdered.

Spike felt sick and had his nerves on edge. At home, he felt useless and here full of rage. He had been waiting for almost an hour. But they were ignoring him. Spike took another walk around the room. He couldn't stand being there, couldn't stand being at home. Faye hadn't been out of bed for two days.

"They will not receive you," Vicious leaned against the door and looked at him with a solemn gesture.

"I'm not in the mood," he replied, turning his back on him.

"Spike, do you want to use your fucking head?" said his friend again.

"Do you want to stop saying that?" he replied in a bad mood. "Why didn't you inform me of any of this?"

"Because you would have denied it, you would have told her and if she was guilty you would have fucked everything up," Vicious explained still leaning on the door frame." If you were fucking thinking, you would know you would have done the same thing if it was someone else. "

Vicious was right, his job wasn't to question orders but to follow them. Julia had accomplished an excellent job. Vicious talked about the orders with his cronies most of the time. There was nothing out of the ordinary about what had happened. Except for the fact that Faye had been injured, and he couldn't prevent it. And that was what was bothering him.

"Alger was a son of a bitch. He deceived me. Took advantage of some information I had," Vicious said. "But that's not the Red Dragon's fault, or Julia's, or mine. And he's gone. Anyway, Mao told me he wouldn't talk to you until you come to your senses. "

"I'm relaxed."

"Of course, Spike, you are... Come on, let's go. "

Vicious moved on and he followed without question. They went down the stairs to the basement. Vicious flick on the lights, which blinked. The gym was abandoned.

"It's been years since I've been over here," Spike whispered as he walked in, taking a look around.

"This place will keep you out of trouble," mumbled Vicious mimicking Mao's voice and walking behind him.

"What he didn't tell us was it would bring us more complicated ones." Spike smiled, running his hand through the punching bags.

Vicious approached the ring and jumped into it in a nimble leap. He took off his raincoat, jacket, and shirt.

"Your Jeet Kune Do against my boxing," he said, wrapping his fists with a bandage that was hanging from the ropes.

"I train almost every day and you don't you'd be at a disadvantage," replied Spike, jumping inside as well.

"That's what you don't know." Vicious clenched his fists and encouraged him to come over.

Spike took off his jacket and shirt and carefully folded them into the corner chair.

"I'm warning you, I've been bitterly angry for three days," he said and began moving around the ring.

"I am always angry." Vicious stood on guard with his fists raised.

Spike danced around his friend who was staring at him without missing a beat. Vicious moved to a side and threw a high kick at him.

"That's Kick Boxing" Spike smiled broadly and tried to hit Vicious' flank.

"Don't let your enemies know everything about you," he laughed, dodging another punch.

"You're my friend," he corrected, still moving.

"Your brother," Vicious replied, hurling a punch that Spike quickly dodged." Your main mistake is revealing your weaknesses. " He insisted, striking him hard in the chest, which took his breath away for a moment.

"What you don't know how much I can bear the pain," he replied, taking a deep breath and dancing around him again.

Vicious could be stronger but he was nimbler. He was a formidable opponent, and from his blows, Spike knew Vicious wasn't holding back no matter how close they were. Was grateful. He didn't want to hold back either. And needed a good fight, to vent all his pent-up anger. They fought until they ended up lying on the tarp, covered with sweat and laughing like crazy.

Spike came home refreshed, but he wasn't expecting to see Faye standing, dressed, and sitting on the couch, putting on her makeup. She took a quick look at him and kept doing her thing. Every gesture she made seemed to hurt, and that put him in a bad mood.

"What are you doing?" he asked, moving to the couch.

"Capoeria," she said without looking up from the compact mirror on the table. Along with a makeup case with lots of products. There was also a box of food, a large soda with a straw, and a piece of cheesecake, half-eaten.

He sat down next to her. It was hard for him to look at her face. Her lovely face was marked and swollen.

"Why are you putting on makeup?" he asked, grasping one of the things on the table.

"Are you hungry?" she asked in return, ignoring him. She handed him the box, which was full of chicken wings. "I was starving I ordered take-out, but I couldn't eat anything."

Faye was incapable to hide her disappointment and Spike felt weird and even more bothered about the fact that she was getting ready.

"Are you going to respond to my question?" Spike insisted, hand twirling a narrow black tube with a brush inside.

"No," she answered sharply.

"Okay," Spike sighed and leaned back on the couch with his arms behind his head.

Faye glanced at him and dropped on the table the thin pink thing she was applying her makeup with. She reached out and delicately touched his cheekbone.

"Did you engage in a fight?" Faye asked in a curious way, running her hand across his cheek.

"I've been training," he muttered and closed his eyes to feel the touch of her fingers.

"You envious little bitch," Faye joked, giving him a little slap. Spike smiled, and she pulled her hand away, letting out a deep sigh. "I'm going to Annie's, I want to apologize for leaving the store."

There was no need for her to do so. Annie was aware of everything. It was she who had called him worried after reading the note that Faye had written. She was the one who made him suspect. Spike couldn't stop thinking that Faye had followed Koch believing he was the one who was hurt. On how much he struggled to find her. Whit no clues and no idea what the hell was going on. Until a vagabond informed him that he'd sighted her in a car with a guy matching Declan's description. It was Annie who had given him Faye's things still in the store. It was Annie who had slapped him on the wrist and ordered to take care of her. But of course, he couldn't say that because Faye wouldn't listen to him. Hence, if you can't defeat your enemy, join him.

"I'm going with you and don't tell me I can't. I can walk one step behind you, and there's nothing you can do to stop me" He didn't bother to open his eyes, nor to move from his position. If she was stubborn, he would be twice worse.

Faye sighed, saying nothing else, keeping on applying layers and layers of makeup until she decided her wounds were covered up enough. Then she struggled to get to her feet, grabbed her jacket, and struggled again to put it on. She didn't complain, and that bothered him a lot more than he had expected. He wanted to help her, but Faye didn't look like she would allow it. So he just waited, with his hands in his pockets trying to control himself.

Faye completed her dressing and walked up to the door. The building didn't have an elevator. And she had a hard time getting to the stairs. This was not a good idea. It was not a good idea at all. Spike went down a couple of steps before her because he was afraid Faye might stumble and harm herself again. She took small steps, and it was so obvious that she was suffering that he felt like crying.

"Why are you so obstinate?" Spike finally snapped.

"I want to go..." she mumbled red with frustration.

"We will have to camp in the middle of the stairs. I don't have a tent. At your pace, though, I'll have time to go to buy one, come back, and you won't have gone down more than a couple of steps," he said with a sarcastic voice, crossing his arms as he observed her. "We can make a fire if you want."

"Okay, I get it," she grunted, crossing her arms as well.

Spike had to contain himself from taking her in his arms and carrying her home. Faye sat back down on the couch, all her things still on the table. She picked them up and moved inside the bathroom. Locking herself in. And came out with a washed face but her wounds were so evident that he had to look away. She realized this and let out a sad grin.

"I'm still hungry," Faye moaned, looking at the chicken wings.

"Don't you have the shakes the doctor prescribed?"

"They're nasty," she replied, looking elsewhere, grumbling.

Damn, he wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to get better.

"Come on Faye. I bet you've put worse things in your mouth... "

"Oh, what a terrible choice of words," Faye said and broke out into a little laugh.

"Sit down, I'll prepare the shake," he mumbled, turning around in a flushed mood.

She obeyed without complaining while he prepared that terrible-looking drink. But the doctor had said she wouldn't be able to chew for at least a week, and she'd need to take nutrients somehow.

Faye took it like a little girl doing uncomfortable faces even though he wasn't sure if they weren't from pain.

When Faye finished, she went back to bed, although it was still daylight.

Spike felt bad. Sick. He could hear her crying in her room, wished she was capable of crying in front of him so at least he could hug her. He was useless and an emotional cripple.

Turned on the TV, but he couldn't concentrate on it. Couldn't pay attention. He was tired, but couldn't sleep either. Just, longed to get high, but he was certain that was a terrible solution. He stood up feeling like he was inside a cage again. Spike filled a glass with water and went into her room. Then laid down the glass on the bedside table, and although he didn't want to look at her, couldn't resist it. Faye looked back at him, and they remained that way until she moved between the sheets.

"Would you lie down here with me?" she asked in a barely audible whisper.

Spike was speechless. Sitting on the edge of the bed, took off his shoes, and lay down next to her. Could do nothing but look at her. Faye was also silent, with a tired thin smile drawn on her face. There was nothing he could do to protect her. He felt helpless and miserable.

"Why are you crying?" She asked, laying a hand on his face.

Spike felt the warm tears running down his cheeks. He shut his eyes feeling her cold hand against his skin. Felling so bad and so guilty that didn't know what to do.

"You advised me," she whispered. "I should have listened to you. I'm an idiot."

"No. It's not your fault," that was exactly what he didn't want to hear. "Don't believe that."

Faye huddled up against him and Spike froze.

"Aren't you going to tell me, I warned you?" Faye susurrated as she wrapped one arm around him.

"Would make you feel better?" Spike asked in a whisper, running his fingers through her dark hair.

"No," she laughed and pinched his cheek. "But at least you won't look so stressed out."

"I think you should sleep," he grunted, gladly that the lights were off, and she couldn't see how red he had turned.

Faye laughed once more and hugged him. "Okay, Doc."


	12. Sweet Introduction to Chaos

* * *

A month went by and nothing happened. Not even time passed by. They were just there and it was nice and quiet. The hours flew by amidst the nonsense of trivial words. The calm was strange. Comfortable. Pleasant. Just had to be there and let the time run.  
  
What Faye didn't know was how hard it was for him to see her perform things that were hurting her. Nor was she aware of how short her pants were. Or how nice the bathroom smelled when she showered. Or how it made him feel seeing her smile the moment he walked through the front door. Nor was he aware of how his heart raced when they sat on the couch watching TV and their arms brushed against each other. How her very presence stole his oxygen.  
  
Until a few days ago, she was running away from him. If he went to the living room, she would lock herself in the bathroom, if he sat on the couch she would do it on its arm.  
  
It was disconcerting and fun, somehow.  
  
Faye was drinking her coffee like she did every morning, chewing on a cookie, leaning against the kitchen counter. When he went out to get a glass of water after training in his room, she stepped away from him as if he had burned her. Spike laughed as she slipped into the living room.  
  
He observed her leaning against a pillar, sighing, and had to hold back a laugh.  
  
"Why are you avoiding me?" He finally asked, looking at her through the glass as he drank.  
  
Faye was leaning against the pillar, looking down at the floor. She couldn't stop moving her leg and biting her nails.  
  
"Since waking up in the clinic...I...haven't been with anyone I genuinely want to be with...I'm nervous," she muttered as her cheeks slowly turned flushed.  
  
"Damn it, Faye, can you stop doing that?" Spike replied, covering his face with one hand. It was stressful. He couldn't take it anymore. "You're killing me with these sincericides."  
  
She had so much power over him that she could sweep up his pieces without mussing up.  
  
"I'm sorry," Faye whispered very close to him, grasping his hand to get it out of his face. " I don't know better." She placed the hand to her lips and kissed his fingers. "I like your hands," said in a whisper. "They're huge and beautiful."  
  
Faye wasn't looking into his eyes, but she ran her hands over his arms, his neck, and set her hands through his hair. Now, she looked into his eyes, tiptoed, and kissed him. It was tender and brief, and then she ran her fingers over his face. Without looking away from his lips. Faye kissed him again, sighing as she parted from him.  
  
"You are too tall for me," she said, setting her feet back on the ground again.  
  
Almost without realizing it, he hoisted her in his arms, and she crossed her legs behind him laughing. Even this close was too far for him.  
  
Faye grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him again. This time the kiss was longer, the warmth of her mouth, the moisture of her lips, were breathtaking.  
  
"Why did you take so long?" Spike whispered as they parted to take their breath back.  
  
"Because you've been a jerk," Faye replied with a mischievous look on her face.  
  
"Actually..." Before finishing the sentence, she covered his mouth with her hand and looked at him in defiance.  
  
"Do you want to start a fight?" she asked, raising an eyebrow with a devastating smile.  
  
"Kiss me again," he begged, unable to shift his eyes off those green stars that were looking at him.  
  
Faye kissed his cheek, kissed his eyelids, and the corners of his mouth. Slow and sweet. And as he walked into the room, she covered him with her kisses. Giggling. He sat up in bed, still with Faye in his arms. Glad that his hands were free to caress her. Because her smell was driving him crazy.  
  
Spike clutched her face with both hands and kissed her cheek, and her eyelids and the line of her jaw and the corner of her lips. Faye let out a hearty laugh. Tilting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Come here," he whispered although not even the air ran between them.  
  
The kiss was deeper. Full of desire. Of a contained urge. Wanting to devour each other. He could feel her cold hands inside his shirt. Caressing his lower back. Undressing him.  
He laid her down on the bed, filling her belly with kisses as he took off her shirt. Running his lips over her breasts.  
  
And all he wanted was to lose himself in her panting and her moles.  
  
......  
  
Spike went back to the room, whistling with the pizza boxes in his hand. Faye was on the bed, lying face down. The last rays of the evening sun were drawing lines on her naked skin. He walked over, knowing he didn't have to hold back. Happy. He bent down and with the pizza boxes up, he bit one of her buttocks.  
  
"Dinner is here" he chanted.  
  
"Pervert," Faye said, tapping him gently with her foot.  
  
"You're the one who's naked in my bed," he replied, setting the pizzas on the table.  
  
"Details," replied Faye without looking up from what she was doing. She looked at him sideways and laughed."Did you open the door for the delivery guy, naked?"  
  
"What? I'm sure he's seen a penis before," Spike replied, placing the hands on his hips.  
  
"I'm sure every adult in town has seen a penis before, you should go out naked." she pointed to him with a pen, but still without looking up from a small book.  
  
"I should do it."  
  
"Being the crazy naked guy in the neighborhood would be perfect for you."  
  
He cackled and kissing her head, he lay down next to her to see what kept her so busy. "I see you found my crossword puzzles."  
  
"You're a mess. You've got them all started without finishing," Faye said, turning the pages, pointing out his irregular handwriting.  
  
"I use them for insomnia," Spike commented, and she put her hand in the curls of his nape, resting her head on his." Grey Ash," he said, pointing to the paper.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Plant used to cure Venus Sickness. Gray Ash," he explained, and she smiled after completing the crossword.  
  
"Have you been on Venus?" she asked turning around and rolling over the bed with open arms, in an invitation to join her.  
  
"Yes, I like it very much, although it is an odd place," he approached her even more and leaning on his forearm, caressed her little face.  
  
"I didn't come out of Mars... Or, so I think," Faye muttered when he rested his head on her chest.  
  
"I served on the Red Dragon spaceship for two years. We traveled from planet to planet, although we spent most of our time in space" He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, letting her heartbeat lull him.  
  
"It sounds terrifying," she said, running her fingers down his back while giving him little kisses on the forehead.  
  
"It's rather boring," replied Spike, burying his head in her neck.  
  
"I'm hungry," she muttered, hugging him tightly.  
  
"I'm already eating," he said, nibbling on her neck, her lobe, her chin, all over her jaw.  
  
"Hungry for pizza," Faye laughed and pulled him off her, sitting up on the bed.  
  
"Hmm," Spike complained, standing up as well.  
  
Faye sat on the bed cross-legged and Spike settled down next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. She opened one of the boxes and seized a piece and gave him another. He was quite hungry too.  
  
"In fact, I don't like to eat in bed at all, it's a little disgusting," he said with his mouth full.  
  
"Really?" she asked with her mouth full as well.  
  
"It's all covered in crumbs," he said, pointing around.  
  
"It doesn't suit you to be a cleaning freak," she joked, glancing at him sideways as she ate.  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Okay, no eating in bed," Faye added. "From now on."  
  
They ate until they were satisfied, not talking too much, merely laughing and playing like kids. Faye wiped her fingers with a paper napkin and moved on the bed to be in front of him.  
  
"Any more rules?"  
  
"If you're ever with another guy, tell me, I want to know," Spike said, running a finger across her lips to remove the dirt that was still there.  
  
"That's unusual," she whispered, resting her cheek on his hand.  
  
"I'd rather receive a cruel truth than a sweet lie," he murmured, moving his thumb from the corner of her mouth to the base of her neck.  
  
"If that ever happens, I'll tell you," Faye replied with a sweet smile, her eyes fixed on him."I don't want to know. I prefer sweet lies, I have enough bitterness in my life.  
  
"I promise you won't have to worry about that," Spike laughed, resting his forehead on Faye's.  
  
"No. No promises. Nothing hurts more than a broken promise," she said, resting her hand on his heart.  
  
"Okay," he replied, though he would have sworn by the blood in his veins if she had requested him.  
  
Faye smiled, and he felt the need to cover her with kisses again and lay down on her. Smiling from ear to ear. She called to him with her finger, and Spike wasn't about to let a minute go by without running his hands over her body.  
  
The doorbell rang, but he didn't want to move and kept devouring her with kisses. As she laughed. They knocked again insistently and both looked at each other puffing.  
  
"Go open up, I'm not going anyplace," Faye finally said, turning away from him. He reluctantly obeyed and got out of bed. "Get dressed," Faye shouted as he walked out the door.  
  
What she didn't know was that opening the street door naked was the best way to scare off religious sellers and collectors. So he opened the door with a smile, Vicious was there, and he walked in without asking.  
  
"Damn it, Spike, get dressed," Vicious said as he strolled through the room.  
  
"Couldn't you make a phone call?" he asked angrily.  
  
"I did."  
  
Indeed, his phone had three calls, although he had not looked at the phone all day.  
  
"Something's wrong?" His friend was dressed up. With the symbolism of the syndicate well visible in his appearance.  
  
"It's the twins' baptism," he said, leaning against the sofa.  
  
"Oh, fuck, I didn't remember."  
  
Damn, the ceremony. He couldn't miss it. When a member of the Red Dragon achieves a certain status, baptism is celebrated. An initiation ceremony. It was something ritualistic. A promise of loyalty and dedication. A blood pact. Consequently, he had to be there.  
  
"Hurry up."  
  
When he entered the room, Faye was getting dressed. He went over to the bed and bent over to talk to her.  
  
"I have to go," Spike muttered, holding her face with both hands.  
  
"I've imagined it," she replied with a smile and couldn't help. He kissed her and laid her on the bed. She laughed as he kissed her neckline.  
  
"Let's go to the shower," Spike whispered in her ear, maybe he could drag this out a little longer. Gain a few minutes. He didn't want to go anywhere but to her side.  
  
"They're waiting for you," she replied putting a hand on his chest and pushing him out of bed.  
  
He got up grumpy and while Faye got dressed, he looked in his closet for his most formal suit and coat, the ceremony had its very well established protocols. Appearance and symbolism. All the things that bored him.  
  
He put on some underwear, and they left the room.  
  
Faye dithered when she saw Vicious in the room. She smiled uncomfortably and tugged at the leg of her shorts.  
  
"Hi, I'm Faye," she said, extending her hand to him.  
  
"Vicious," he replied holding her hand with elegance and leaning in to kiss it.  
  
"Vicious? You don't leave anything to the imagination, do you?" She asked with her usual mocking tone. Apparently amused by that gesture.  
  
"It's Robert, but no one has called me that since I was fifteen," replied Vicious, looking at her carefully.  
  
"What's his?" Faye asked, nodding to him. "He won't tell me."  
  
Vicious stared at him for a second and smiled boldly.  
  
"A good friend does not reveal secrets."  
  
"I agree," Faye replied with a smile.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower, don't conspire against me," Spike finally said, heading for the bathroom.  
  
Spike went in to shower and when he came out all dressed up and ready for the ceremony saw Vicious and Faye sitting in the kitchen. Chatting and drinking beer. Faye smiled at the sight of him and Vicious came to the door.  
  
"I'll be back late," he said and didn't know whether to kiss her or not. Not with Vicious there, it was their intimacy. He didn't want to break the magic. It was something that only belonged to Faye and him.  
  
"Okay," she replied making a toast to the air with her bottle of beer.  
  
He approached his friend and closed the door, and together headed for the street.  
  
"I like her. She's something," said Vicious as he walked down the stairs in front of him.  
  
"Kissing her hand? Who are you, the Count of Monte Cristo?" He asked, looking at his friend out of the corner of his eye as extracted a cigarette out of his pocket.  
  
"Don't be jealous, Spike, you should know me better," answered Vicious, throwing him a silver Zippo."I sold my soul away long ago and a blond demon took it."


	13. Bubbles

Friday night. Back in the private area of a high standing club. Amidst drugs and women. And of what he called friends. He should stop doing these things. But he didn't have that option. He just had to control himself. Or at least he was trying to. The twins had been initiated a couple of days ago and now it was time for the second ceremony.  
The unofficial party was a different matter. Not so solemn and far less ominous. Only for the closest crew. And for the charming girls and the hustlers who wanted free drugs. A lot of people couldn't care less about it.  
  
A long time ago, he and Vicious enjoyed one too. It was four days non-stop. How young they were, how stupid. That night they met Julia. With her punk style, half a shaved head, torn pants, and a black bra. She was always aware of what she desired and didn't give a shit about anything. Exactly like now. But that girl had hope. Julia didn't.  
  
Anyway, he was tired of those parties, and even more struggling for not sitting at a table to snort cocaine with the others.  
As much as he wanted to. He should be home with Faye. But Faye was also going out that night, with the rest of the stewardesses from the City Hall reception. For some reason that was beyond his comprehension. She had made friends and was acting like an average person.  
  
So no Faye at home, no Spike at home.  
  
Spike leaned against the glass balcony to take a look at the bottom floor. It was crowded and he however glimpsed her. Dancing in a little sequined dress which brought out sparks of light when she moved.  
  
How wonderful Tharsis' nights that dragged them all to the same places. He smiled leaning on the railing, Faye was laughing with her friends, she seemed so cheerful. He saw Julia walking across the dance floor and Faye called her halfway, and they stopped to talk. There was a certain familiarity in them and that made him feel uncomfortable. He would have paid to overhear that conversation. Someone called him and went over to pick up the drink he had ordered. When he returned to the balcony Faye and Julia had disappeared from his sight. Spike looked around, everyone was having fun. Minus Vicious who seemed as bored as he was. He felt old and tired.  
  
The downstairs seemed far cooler than that party. He had been there many times before. He wanted to see Faye and wanted to know what Faye was talking about with Julia.  
But Spike couldn't find them, so he walked around the dance floor. The place was bursting with people. Dancing and drinking. The music was loud. He had trouble getting through the crowd. He was pushed or bumped into other people. Thought he had imagined them when saw Faye trying to get served at the bar.  
  
"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this,?" he asked resting on the counter next to her.  
  
"Dancing," Faye answered, picking up her drink from the bar.  
  
"I love that dress," he whispered in her ear.  
  
"The owner of this place too," she said, bringing the drink to her lips. "They were selecting women like they were picking mushrooms."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Spike asked, baffled.  
  
"At the door, we were invited to the VIP party upstairs," Faye said, running a hand over his shoulder and looking at him with disapproval. "Imagine my surprise when I recognize who was upstairs."  
  
"That's disgusting," he replied angrily.  
  
"Don't make that face, you've been always upstairs, with other women who were also selected for you," she replied.  
  
He grasped her by the waist and pulled her close to him, Faye kissed his cheek still smiling.  
  
"Are you here to be my conscience, Valentine?" he asked, burying his nose in her hair. She always smelled so good.  
  
"No, I'm just like the others, but you see me," she answered pinching his cheek. That felt like a punch, but there was no criticism in her words. "They are waiting for me," she said, whispering in his ear. Then smiled and vanished into the crowd.  
  
Faye's words stayed in his mind. It was hard to deal with her frankness. Or rather dealing with what he had been doing all his life. Spike didn't feel like going back to the other party. So instead of saying goodbye to anyone, he went home to sleep.

  
  
****

  
  
The sound of Faye stepping into the house aroused him up. He heard her messing around in the bathroom for quite a while. She went into the room and got into bed without turning on the light and barely making a sound. Heard her laughing he laughed too.  
  
"Welcome," Spike said, clasping her hand to kiss it.  
  
"Today I am the big spoon," she murmured, passing her arms over his chest.  
  
"You're too small to be that," he replied caressing her hands.  
  
"Fuck you," she replied, laughing against his ear, "Hey, I can do that," she whispered, biting his earlobe.  
  
Faye slid her hand across his torso and tucked it into his underwear. All it took was a touch from her. Spike shuddered, her hand, her breath on the back of his neck, her lips...  
  
"Fuck... Faye" gasped, as she kissed his back and kept touching him.  
  
He turned on the bed, to kiss her, and she sat on him. Taking off her nightgown. She was wearing nothing underneath. Faye looked like a goddess, with her wild smile. She bent down to kiss him, and her hair tickled his skin. She stood up, moving slowly, not taking her eyes off him. Spike grabbed her by the hips. As she increased the pace of her movements.  
  
Her chest went up and down with her panting. It was hypnotic. He raised his arms to clutch her breasts and Faye let out a deep gasp.  
  
"Faye..." All he could do was moan her name. Moving like an animal.  
  
"Don't stop..." she groaned lying on him, keeping on flailing.

  
  
*****

  
  
Faye dropped next to him on the bed, breathing heavily, her cheeks burning and covered with sweat. He was trying to catch his breath too and looked at her.  
Her smile was fabulous, her hand on her chest, almost out of breath.  
  
Spike moved and ran his arm over her.  
  
"Why the hell are you so pretty?"  
  
"It's a curse," she sighed, huddling against him. "I've always been a frog."  
  
He kissed her head, and she kissed him back on the shoulder.  
  
"I've seen you talking to Julia before," he asked out of curiosity.  
  
"Do you have a problem with that?"  
  
"No, but it's weird," Spike had no fucking idea if he was screwing up. Nothing but wanted to know.  
  
"After Declan, we enjoyed a coffee together," she said, looking up at him.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I didn't want you to feel weird," Faye placed her fingers in his hair, pulling the curls away from his forehead.  
  
"And what did you talk about?" Now he was really fucking intrigued.  
  
Faye laughed, driving herself next to him.  
  
"Are you afraid that we're going to talk about you?" She asked mockingly looking at the ceiling, as she patted him with her leg. "Or do you have some kind of kinky fantasy?"  
  
"No," his voice sounded harsh and bitter, he felt his stomach turn over just thinking about it. He stirred in the bed, uncomfortable, and moved away from Faye.  
  
"Okay... I was just kidding," she babbled lying on her side. Her gaze saddened although she tried hiding it with a smile.  
  
It wasn't fair to pay for his misery with her. He went over and embraced her. Faye didn't move but leaned her head on his chest.  
  
"I simply wanted to thank her..." she whispered more to herself than to him.  
  
"It's not that..." Spike said. "You can do whatever you want, I don't even care if you hang out with her," he caressed the line on her spine." It's complicated..."  
  
Faye said nothing, and he suddenly felt terrified that he'd ruined everything. He kissed her forehead, her hair, her eyelashes. But she remained silent. He hugged her, hoping not to be rejected and after an eternal minute, she hugged him back.

****  
  
The sound of the phone woke him up. And Spike got out of bed lest he waked up Faye who was snoring softly beside him. Which was hilarious. And an interesting source of blackmail.  
  
His good mood disappeared when he answered the call. He received an order. Everything had been so quiet since the incident at Declan's bar. But the calm doesn't last forever.  
  
He went into the shower against his will and then came back into the room.  
  
"Faye," Spike whispered, leaning over the bed to touch her shoulder."I have to go out to work."  
  
"Be careful," she whispered in a concerned, sleepy voice, rubbed his face and Spike kissed her. And he wished he could stay there with her. But you don't always get what you want.  
  
  
There were times when he felt sick because everything seemed so easy to the Red Dragon. The orders were direct. Getting information, a euphemism for torturing a poor bastard. They had left everything ready for him. The man was tied to a chair. Terrified. Spike acted almost by instinct. Like an android. Hurting. Asking questions. Hitting. Cutting. Allowing the blood spread over his hands. It was insane. There was something addictive about violence. But the worst thing is he was unable to feel anything. Except for repugnance.  
Spike wiped his hands on a towel and left the room unable to look back. Felling like a monster.  
  
He could only pray to find his way home.  
  
The blood wasn't disappearing from his hands. It seemed. The soap and water couldn't erase what he had performed. The reflection in the mirror was frightening. He couldn't even turn on the light. He had been like this for so long, numb. Fooling himself into not facing reality. Everything was easier with drugs. With them, he didn't have to think.

Spike didn't turn around when heard the door open, or when he heard her approach. He couldn't look her in the face. Although, he was dying to hold her in his arms. Faye went over to him and lit a cigarette. He couldn't smile, he couldn't move. He couldn't even look at her reflection in the window.  
  
"Are you all right?" she whispered in a trembling voice.  
  
He felt like crap. He couldn't touch her with the same hands he had just tortured a human being with. It was a frightening feeling. His hands were shaking, and she grabbed them, running her fingers through his scraped knuckles.  
  
"You say they are beautiful. But they are not. They're bloody hands," Spike said, breaking loose and hiding the hands in his pockets. He couldn't escape the violence and didn't want to drag her with him. He was going to lose his head.  
  
Faye wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his back. Hugging him. Her warmth, her tenderness, was overwhelming. He gulped down his spit holding back the urge to cry. Turning around, he embraced her, trying to hide the shame in her arms. They hugged for a long time, in silence. Until he had the courage to walk away from her.  
  
"Thank you," Spike said in a whisper as he caressed her face.  
  
"Better?" Faye asked in the same tone of voice.  
  
"Yes", he lied, and that made him feel like shit again.  
  
Faye smiled, knowing he was lying and walked away from him. He wanted to hug her again, but he didn't dare. He didn't deserve it. Still wanted to say something but the phone rang, and he went looking for it in the jacket that was hanging from the back of the sofa.  
  
It was Julia calling.  
  
"What the hell have you done?" she asked, alarmed, on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Nothing," he replied, startled by Julia's tone of voice. She never acted like that.  
  
"Damn it, Spike, you screwed up well."  
  
Someone knocked on the door, Spike hung up the phone before saying goodbye. Something was wrong.  
  
"Don't move," he yelled when Faye walked up to the door.  
  
She froze in place at the sound of his voice. He rushed to the door almost at a jump and placed Faye behind him. He was unarmed. Both of them were.  
  
"Whatever happens, don't do anything," he whispered, filling his lungs with air. "Don't say anything."  
  
Faye grabbed his shirt before opening the door, but Spike didn't turn to look at her. He could listen to his heartbeat, or maybe it was Faye's?  
  
A couple of the Red Dragon's men were there. With a sober look and a stoic pose.  
  
"You have to come with us," one of them stated without further ado.  
  
"What if I don't want to?" he replied in a cynical way, leaning on the door frame.  
  
The man unbuttoned his jacket and allow him to notice the gun in his holster.  
  
"If you ask me like this..." he added, maintaining his arrogance up, extending his arms to them.  
  
They captured him and cuffed him roughly. The last thing he saw before they took him away was the fear in Faye's eyes.


	14. Fly me to the moon

* * *

She hadn't heard from Spike for three days. Three days since he was taken from home without explanation. And no one wanted to talk to her. Not even Annie. All her questions were returned with evasive. She was tired and angry. However, they wouldn't stop her. She didn't care a bit about the Red Dragon, their rules, and the consequences.

  
Faye walked right up to the headquarters' door. She had to dig through Annie's papers to discover the location. Someone was going to give her an explanation, or she would beat it out of them.

  
Two men, big as closets, were standing in the doorway. She tried to go between them, but they stopped her.

  
"You can't enter," one of them said without even looking at her.

  
"I work here too," Faye said ignoring him.

  
"You sell bullets and pads," one of them spat, gripping her shoulder to keep her out.

  
Faye stomped on him and slipped in between them. The other guy grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into the street, almost knocking her to the ground. She overheard him call her whore and was ready to offer a prize for originality to the next man who suggested it.

  
If necessary, she was going to shoot. Or she was going to beat the crap out of him. Still, she was going to enter the building anyway.

  
"What's the problem here?" The voice came out loud and clear and both guys seemed to freeze in place.

  
"Miss Julia," claimed one of them leaning over.

  
Julia passed between them in a defiant mood and approached her.

  
"Come with me, I have some time before this starts," Julia said, gently pushing her arm.

  
Julia walked beside her, quietly. She was wearing sunglasses and dressed completely in black.

  
"What's going on?" she asked when they were far enough away from the headquarters.

  
"Trouble," she answered cryptically.

  
"Damn, why did they take Spike?" Faye stood in front of Julia, blocking her way.

  
"He has killed the wrong man, and they are asking for his head, that's all I can tell you, the Van is going to put him on trial and decide what they are going to do with him."She explained politely. Although she seemed annoyed. Though, Julia definitely possessed self-control that she lacked.

  
"It was with me the whole time. Spike didn't do it," Faye barely said stopping between words. "They came home out of nowhere and..."

  
"You can't lie, there are recordings, and they wouldn't listen to you." Julia smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You had better get out of here."

  
"Just like that, how?" she whispered by turning away from her.

  
"It's the best thing you can do," Julia looked at the building and sighed." That's how things work around here."

  
"Haven't you ever thought about quitting?" Faye asked.

  
"Every day," Julia smiled, but there was nothing but anger and bitterness in that smile. "Go home." Julia left giving her a little squeeze on the arm.

  
"I don't have a home," Faye mumbled but there was no one there to listen to her.

  
She sat down on the stairs, her eyes fixed on the building. Waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. Spike had nothing but made one mistake. It couldn't be that terrible. Although she had no idea how the syndicate worked. Although she imagined that nothing good would come of it.

  
After all, they were in the business of eliminating people.

  
She didn't have any tobacco, nor the strength to do anything else but wait. Even for the bad news. If anyone pitted her enough to give it to her.

  
Night fell and the hours passed.

  
When Faye raised her head, she saw Vicious approaching. Her heart turned over and began to beat wildly. He was serious. Almost angry. He looked at her in detail. With those indifferent gray eyes and a chill ran down her back.

  
"Come with me."

  
He didn't add anything else and started walking towards the buildings. Without waiting for her. She set out and followed him with a hasty pace.  
Vicious was walking fast. There was something terrifying about him, an almost dark coldness. People looked at them as they passed, whispering to each other, but no one mentioned a thing.  
They came down a lot of stairs. Faye was almost out of breath. But, she didn't want to stop. It was the sole hope she could hold on to.

  
They traversed a dark corridor and when they reached it guard blocked their way.

  
"No one can see him," he said, barely daring to look Vicious in the face.

  
"I ain't no one," cut Vicious off, and without waiting for another answer he went into another corridor full of cells." You have 10 minutes. "

  
Spike was sitting on a narrow bench, but he didn't move or look up from the floor. He looked fine and she felt relieved.

  
"I don't want to eat," He said without looking up from his feet.

  
"I'm not the catering guy," she muttered, leaning against the door.

  
Although he tried to repress it, his shoulders tensed at the sound of her voice. Spike looked up but, didn't smile.

  
"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the floor again.

  
"What do you suppose?" she answered in a carefree tone of voice.

  
Spike didn't want to look at her, and she didn't dare move. Anxiety was consuming her up. Just wanted to grasp what was going on. She needed to know that nothing was wrong. Even if it was a lie.

  
"You shouldn't be here," Spike mumbled in that crude tone he used when he was in a bad mood. She wanted to punch him when he was like that.

  
"Neither should you," she replied mimicking his tone.

  
Spike let out a cruel laugh and settled down on the bench. Still not looking at her. If he was determined to be cruel to her, she wouldn't make it easy for him.

  
"What's going on?" she asked, more and more tired of his attitude.

  
"Nothing."

  
She could read his every lie and he knew it. Finally, he decided to look at her. He smiled almost cruelly and rested his head on the wall.

  
"This is over. It's been a nice week," he said with a bitter smile.

  
"It been the best of my life," she whispered, unable to repress the sadness in her voice.

  
"Damn it, Faye" Spike hiding the head with his hands in a desperate gesture.

  
She wasn't about to put up with any bullshit. She had already suffered for three lifetimes. Faye summoned up her courage and walked towards Spike. Willing to beat the truth out of him.

  
"Are you being this stupid because they are going to kill you," she asked in a furious way as she grabbed him by the collars of his shirt to lift him."Because if you are, I'mgoingtokillyou first."

  
"They're not going to kill me, they're going to send me away," he replied, clasping her wrists and gently pulling her away from him.

  
"What?"

  
"I screwed up, and I have to pay the price," Spike stepped away from her and headed for the door."I told you this wasn't a game."

  
"I don't understand anything..."

  
"Then open your fucking eyes," he knocked on the door a couple of times. Spike was tense and really bad-tempered. And she was feeling helpless and confused.  
The damn fool wouldn't even look at her. How could he be such a coward? She hadn't done anything to deserve that attitude and wasn't going to let him.

  
"You're a fucking liar," she roared in anger. "Have you been laughing at me?"

  
If only it had been a distraction for him, a hobby. He had played the role of his life.

  
"It is possible."

  
The door opened and Spike gave Vicious an annoyed look. He allowed her out and came into the cell, closing the door behind him.

  
She went to the house, furious. She was tired. Tired of not sleeping, of not eating.Of this shitty future.Tired of fighting a superior force that was bent on screwing up her life.

  
She had never asked for anything. All she desired was a roof over her head and a plate of hot food on her table every day. She had found it and with it a lovely person who made her life easier. After two years of hell, she felt safe. Next to someone who cared about her. Even though, Spike was only a source of trouble. Even if his world was dangerous. And terrifying. She wasn't an idiot. She knew he was just trying to get her away from whatever was going on. Yet, wasn't going to let him treat her like a little girl. And if he had just used her, like everyone else in her life, he would have to say so to her face.

********  
  
The Tharsis Harbor was vast, there were hundreds of spaceships there, floating in the water like nutshells. The Red Dragon's ship was in a private area. It was hard for her to get in, but she didn't care. It was not yet dawn, but that place was in full swing. Workers and more sinister dudes were strolling around the dock.  
It was four o'clock in the morning when she observed a black car coming up. From it came Spike, Vicious and three guys she didn't know. He was handcuffed and looked exhausted. From where she was hiding she could note dark circles under his eyes.

  
Vicious indicated something and they took the handcuffs off. And alone they headed for the ship. While the others waited by the car. Faye couldn't discern what they were saying, Spike and Vicious walked along the dock, bathed in the light of the streetlamps. It was her chance. She was angrier than scared and needed answers. So approached them at a fast pace.

  
Spike stopped when he recognized her as she took long strides towards him. If he had been fooling her all this time, he would have to look her in the eye and admit it. Faye crossed her arms in front of him, if he wanted to walk past her, he would have to throw her into the sea. Vicious chuckled and kept walking towards the gate.

  
Spike looked tired, upset. Maybe he didn't want to see her. Or he didn't want that she was the one there. She didn't care. Suddenly she forgot everything she wanted to say to him. And felt her defeat. She was out of breath just by a stare.

  
"What happened to your cheek? He asked, running his hand across her probably bloodshot cheek.

  
"The security guard didn't allow me in," she explained, resting her hand on his.

  
How could he be so warm? His voice, the touch of his hand. His mere presence.

  
"You should stop blocking blows with your face," he murmured, removing his hand and setting them in his pockets.

  
"Indeed, that's good advice," she answered and crossed her arms again.

  
They remained silent again. Spike didn't even look at her. His eyes were on the ship. The look on his face was grim. Faye was dying to see him smile. Even to break her heart.

  
If she wasn't going to see him again if he asked her to abandon his house.If with all this, he had realized she was a waste in his life. At least one last smile. She wasn't asking for anything more than that. She filled her lungs with the courage she needed.

  
At that moment he looked at her and broke the step that kept them apart.

  
"I've been set up, I don't know who or why," he whispered in her ear. "Get out of here."

  
He parted from her almost immediately and looked back at the port.

  
"You can stay home," He muttered without looking away from the horizon. "I'll be back someday.

  
He began to walk away from her. And she felt like the protagonist of some frivolous sailor's song.

  
Anger took hold of her and ran after him. She gripped him by the shoulder and forced him to turn around. And she kissed him, setting all her heart, all her soul. As if it was the last kiss of her life.

  
"If you don't come back alive I'm going to rip your eyes out of your face and..." Faye grunted, holding his face with both hands. She was hurt. Mad. "And I'm going to eat your heart..."

  
Spike put his arms around her waist and gave her one of the most beautiful smiles she had ever seen. He smiled sadly and hugged her, filling her with kisses, as he had done before. Because he was so inept, he couldn't use words. Although she always tried to resist, no one had ever treated her with such love, and it was beyond her control. She hugged him back. Spike was fighting something and she was incapable to see what. What she knew was he didn't have to do it alone.

  
"You're determined to make it hard, huh?" He returned, kissing her forehead. "Just stay safe." He rested his lips on her cheek, closing his eyes, as he held her tightly. He sighed before walking away. "I can't be here."

  
And he left, not looking back.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to change the POV for Faye for a few chapters.  
> And that give me a lot of fun. 
> 
> Anayway, thank you allí for your suport. You are the best.


	15. Cold room

* * *

Waking up, taking a shower, and going to work for eight hours at Annie's store.

The monotony was the best thing that had happened to her since she woke up in that shitty future.  
A year ago she had to sell herself for cheap housing and eat from the tips she received in a shitty bar. Right now anyone who observed her would say she was a common woman, working in a regular place. Although none of that was true. A year ago she didn't know Spike. A year ago she didn't know the Red Dragon. Now, her life still sucked and Faye still felt sad and empty.  
Despite all of this, she kept fighting to survive one more day, despite being alone. Again, like always.

Unsure of what had happened this time. He had simply been taken away, and she hadn't heard from him for four months. No idea what he was doing. Nor, where he was. Not even if he was alive. She missed his voice. His hands, the smell of his skin. His mismatched eyes.  
Faye didn't dare to think about it. Not if she wanted to keep getting out of bed every morning.

It was closing time and Annie came over to her. She looked upset and was grumbling for the whole afternoon.

“What's wrong Annie?” Faye asked while she was doing the checkout.

“Mao wants to talk to you,” she grunted, sitting on a stool.

“Why?”

The little she knew about the organization was that Mao was the big boss. Or something like that. After all, nobody gave a damn about her. They didn't talk to her. They didn't mind her. She didn't exist.

“I don't know, kid, I don't know,” Annie got up and walked around the store, “Just go there and listen to what they have to say.”

***

Mao Yenray's office was huge. He wasn't a very tall man but still had an overwhelming presence. Mao smiled politely as he took a phone call. When he hung up the phone the man indicated to approach the table, and she obeyed. Vicious was also in the office, leaning against the wall. Observing the entire situation.

“Nice to meet you, Miss Valentine,” Mao said.

“Thank you very much, same to you,” Faye replied a bit nervous.

Mao smiled and sat down on an oversized chair. “You've been working for us for eight months now, it's time for a change, don't you think?” Worst of all, she couldn't escape from them. She smiled, pulling strength from where she could. The only game she knew was survival. And she was very good at it.

Mao squeezed her hand and showed her the way out. Vicious followed her, and she stood in front of him.

“What do I have to do?” Faye asked directly without any trace of emotion in her voice.

“When the time comes, I will tell you. Now we have something else to do,” he answered sharply, stepping aside and going on his way.

Faye sighed, exhausted. She had no choice but to follow him and do his will. Vicious headed towards a black car. Large and with dark tinted windows. Faye followed him.

“Get in,” he ordered, opening the door.

Vicious possessed a firm and imperious voice. She obeyed, almost against her will. Did she have any other choice? Faye couldn't comprehend why she was so intimidated by that man. He was getting on her nerves unreasonably.

Vicious launched the car and played music. With his eyes placed on the road.

“Why, ?” she asked after several miles of uncomfortable silence.

“You don't need any explanation,” he replied without even blinking.

Faye snorted searching for a cigarette in her coat pockets. Everything looked fucking funny. In a twisted way.

“May I know where we're going?” she repeated, hoping this time to get an answer.

He looked at her sideways, and a shiver ran down her body. He was creepy, and it was even worse when he smiled.

“When someone approaches one of us, we try to find out everything about them, but there is nothing about you, and so we go to the origin...”

“The origin?” Faye babbled. She knew nothing. She didn't understand what they wanted from her. Nor what this man expected of her.

“The furthest we have been able to go in your past,” he said without looking away from the road.

Something clicked in her head. She remembered that road, running away on it. Worst of all, she knew where it led. The damn cryogenic clinic. Faye would rather jump out of the car than set foot there again. She shook that thought out of her head and clung tightly to the cockpit. The heart was beating against her chest. One blow after another and as they got closer it became more frenetic.

All the lights in the building were out. There were no cars parked. The place looked deserted. It was biting cool. It is possible it was nothing but her, though. Vicious turned off the car's engine and got out, grabbing the long sword he had left in the back seat. The fact that he believed it was necessary to bear a sword to a clinic, scared her deeply.

She didn't want to be there. Hated it. And the man's silence was uncomfortable. The hair hid his face, and the shadows blurred his features. Faye thought he was attractive. Somehow. Or maybe she needed something to think about. To avoid thinking about where she was. The exact source of her nightmares.

She walked after him to the door, which was padlocked. Vicious pointed at it and Faye shot. The harsh sound of the bullet against the metal ran down her spine like a whiplash. He forced the door and they went inside. There was no electrical power and Vicious took a flashlight out of his pocket.  
The window panes were broken and at each step, they creaked under their feet. The atmosphere was heavy like a thick curtain over them. Silence seeped into the bones. Like the fucking cold. The only thing that could be heard was her agitated breathing. She would have given anything for Vicious to say a word.

But he was in absolute silence, walking a couple of steps in front of her. The light of the lantern was casting sinister shadows, and she had to remember there was no one there but them.

They entered a room that Vicious kicked open. Faye had been there. She stood paralyzed in the doorway and had to hold on to the frame to keep her composure. She had spent a lot of time there. Learning about this new world. How far away everything seemed now. She felt her guts churn out as she remembered Whitney. Sadness took hold of her. She was alone at that moment. She was alone now.

Perhaps she was cursed and fated to lose those who were kind to her.

Wish Spike was there. Everything would be easier.

The room was a mess. The computers were broken, there were papers everywhere. The cold crept in through the broken windows.

Vicious was digging out drawers, messing up the place even more. The light from the flashlight that bounced off the walls was dizzying. Faye reached out to a pile of files lying on the floor. Breathing heavily. Her heart was beating as if she had run for her life. What if all her truth was there? There had to be something. A name. An address. A picture. Whatever it was. Her head was spinning. Hands trembled as she moved the papers. No name told her a thing. Not even faces. She felt anger. Impotence. There were pictures of men, women, and even children. Diseases. Accidents. But no clues. Nothing made sense. She grunted in frustration, crumpling up a file. She spent a lot of time there. Turning it all upside down.

She took another paper folder, there was only one photo inside. It was a woman in her fifties, had the same hair color as her, and looked vaguely familiar. Or she was just picturing it. She no longer knew what to think.

She looked up and realized she was alone in the room. The cold pierced her from head to toe, and she panicked.  
Faye left the room, shaking, with the photo in her hands. This woman could be someone or no one.

In the darkness, the corridors seemed to be full of eyes watching her. Neither walking nor standing there seemed like good ideas. Running away seemed even worse.

She stared at the photo of the smiling woman. Forcing her memory. But it was vain. Nothing. She just wanted some certainty. Something to hold on to.

She saw Vicious get lost in another room and practically ran towards him. Although it was the same as nothing. Vicious stood cold as well as distant and always remained silent.

That room, big and empty. At that place she had woken up, everything was still the same. All sensations came back to her like a punch. The terror of not knowing where she was. The creepy doctor who was touching her. The cold, monotonous voice of the nurse. The damn cold that wouldn't go away from her body. Her breathing became more and more agitated. She leaned against the computer to keep from falling to the floor. The air did not reach her lungs. Vicious didn't look at her. And she didn't want to look weak. But this was beyond her strength. She massaged her temples, trying to calm down. It was just an abandoned building. Nothing else. She looked up to find Vicious, but he wasn't there anymore.

She moved on to another room. There were no windows. It was total darkness. Vicious pointed his flashlight at her, and she stepped up to him. He signaled to the wall. It was full of small doors. All of them had serial numbers engraved on them.

The place gave her a bad feeling. Vicious launched the car and played music. The voice in her head was advising her to turn around. She didn't know what she was doing. But still, she walked up to one of the sealed doors and hauled it out. Faye had a feeling for what was inside.

“Oh God”

The putrid smell suffused the room. It was foul and disturbing. Almost sweet. She felt a disagreeable taste filling her mouth. And she swallowed as hard as she could. Trying to hold back the contents of her stomach. The fetid odor made her eyes water. After containing another nausea, she opened the door. Although she didn't want to look, she couldn't help herself. She screamed. And the echo returned the sound back to her, bouncing off the walls. Another nausea. There rested a body. Or what was left of it. The skin was sticking to the bones. And the skull smiled in a macabre way. It couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. It was coated with a viscous liquid that made it look bright. The smell was terrible. Faye covered her mouth with her hand. She slammed the door and walked away shaking.

This smell was still there and it was awful, nauseating. This was fucked up. She leaned against the wall, sick. What was going on in that place? She couldn't take it anymore and throw up. As Vicious checked the cryogenic chambers one by one.

They had been forsaken.

“They're all dead,” Vicious said with a sneer of revulsion on his face.

“Really, genius?” Faye asked, laughing bitterly. Sarcasm was a weapon like any other. But she felt tears running down her cheeks.

He glanced at her for a second, and at that moment she thought he was going to put his katana through her.

“Let's get out of here,” he ordered in an indifferent manner as he walked away, leaving her alone in that spot.

She practically broke into screaming. She didn't want to spend a single minute alone.  
They left the building. Faye wasn't even aware of the steps she was taking. Just taking step after step. Wishing to wake up from that nightmare. She was afraid of fainting and that Vicious will leave her to her fate.

Even the fresh air didn't help her. Faye threw up again. There was nothing left in her stomach. She couldn't stand up and let herself fall to the floor. She was frozen. Her whole body was shaking. Couldn't believe what had happened in the clinic. What kind of cruel person had allowed it? How many bodies could be there?

She could be one of them.

Faye couldn't move or get up. Vicious moved towards her and place something in her hand. She was still shaking.

It was a piece of paper with a phone number and a little pouch full of drugs. Faye looked at him, his coldness was awesome. She couldn't breathe nor think lucid. Indeed, wanted to scream. Or cry. Or be hugged by someone.

“Use whatever you consider,” Vicious said as he walked away from her.

“What is this?” she asked, unable to shift her eyes off her hand.

“It's Spike's contact.”


	16. Down by the water

* * *

The water had become cold. However, Faye didn't have the energy to get out of the tub. It was hard to remove the smell of death from her skin. Reddened from all the scrubbing. She immersed her head under the water, was so tired. There was no memory of her past, and she wanted to forget her present. The damn irony. She screamed. Until her lungs ran out of oxygen, and she had to come out to breathe.

She got out of the tub and wrapped her body in a towel leaving the bathroom.

Faye stood in front of Spike's bedroom door and took a look at hers. And she didn't have the strength to go into either one. Taking one hand to her forehead, she rubbed her eyes. Focusing on breathing.

She glanced at her feet, the drops that slipped from her hair and body made puddles on the floor. She wished she could be sucked and spat out somewhere else, some other time. Far away from there. But dreams never come true.

So, she crept over to the couch and turned on the TV for company. There was nothing but sports programs and info commercials. The truth is that she just wanted to hear a voice.

She was inside a locked box, trying to escape. Her hands were soaked with blood after scratching the walls. But there wasn't a single crack to hold on to. The box was polished like marble.

Called out to Spike, to Annie, to Vicious, to Julia. These were the sole names she knew. She cried her mother but didn't recall her name. Neither did her father's. Nobody answered. She screamed and screamed until her own yells aroused her up, naked and drenched in sweat on the living room couch.

The towel was on the floor, and the TV was still on. On the screen, an oxygenated blonde and a black man were talking nonsense.

Faye stood up, on the table, the drug, and the phone number. She didn't know which one would work for her. She picked up both and went into the room to get dressed. Maybe a bit of liquor would help her decide.

It was easy to find an open bar on a Wednesday if you knew where to look. And of course, getting drunk was a better option than having nightmares.

She ordered a drink, sitting at the counter, and drank it slowly. It didn't even taste good. The bar was stocked with losers like her. Who happen to be the unique ones who drink alone in the middle of the week. But also the ones who best understand not wanting to be disturbed.

Faye held one hand in her pocket, touching the phone number paper. Why was so hard for her to dial? She called for another drink, swilled it, and pulled out the amphetamine doses.

“That's not allowed here,” grunted the bartender.

Faye looked up from the drug and smiled, dropping the sachet on the wood table.

“Only what you can sell, huh?” she muttered bitterly. She looked at the waiter in the eye and tapped the bag with her fingers. Which fell on the other side of the bar. “For you, do what you desire with it. Pour me another drink.”

The waiter filled her glass, and Faye was tempted of doing the same with the phone number.

**

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and she was coming home. The sun's rays were annoying after spending the night in the darkness of a slum. She walked, her feet aching from the heels.

The phone buzzed in her pocket. An unknown number popped up on the screen, and she reluctantly picked up. Vicious required her and arranged to encounter her after an hour. To hell with any kind of rest.

Faye went home, took a shower, removed her makeup, and applied a new one. Once she put on a pair of jeans and a maroon wool sweater, went to the place where she had set up.

Vicious' black car was parked under a highway bridge. He was waiting for her there, leaning against the door. He greeted with a nod and handed her a set of photos that showed a man in a suit.

“He's the president of the Tharsis merchants' association,” he explained, lighting a cigarette. “You have to escort him to the harbor, alive.”

“How do you want me to do it?” Faye asked, looking at the photos. That man had family and children. And they didn't care at all.

“I'll leave that up to you, seduce him, drug him, take him there at gunpoint...whatever suits you best,” he replied politely. He finished smoking and without further information, Vicious got into the car.

Faye stood there with the photos in her hand. She didn't even know his name. Sighed, tucking them into a pocket, and started to walk.

Faye searched for him all day long. She had been on her feet for twenty-four hours, drinking coffee and energy drinks. Not sure if she'd eaten, but she wasn't hungry either. Finally, found him eating in a good restaurant with a group of businessmen. She waited at the door for them to come out and approached him with a fake smile. The guy looked at her from top to bottom and without speaking, he walked past her. Faye took a step, dropped her cigarette, pulled the gun out of the back of her pants, and placed it on his back.

“Do what I tell you,” she said in his ear, resting her free hand on his back, "And everything will be fine.”

She was lying, and he knew it so well. Faye drove him to a cab, who was set up for her. And took them straight to the Tharsis harbor.

All the way to the port the man was begging and pleading for his life. Faye just wanted him to shut up. He talked about his little girls. About how much he loved his wife. It was getting harder. But she had no other choice. Was so tired that she wasn't thinking clearly.  
A couple of men were waiting for her at the warehouse door. Faye felt grateful and terrified if that guy knew how weak she felt he could knock her out. The man tried to scramble, but they captured him and beat the man unconscious. While one of them knocked him into the warehouse, the other one shut the door and stayed to talk to her.

He delivered her an envelope full of money and without articulating a word he went inside as well.  
Faye leaned against the wall of the building and threw the contents of her stomach on the floor. When she felt strong enough, she looked for a cab to take her home.

**

Julia was wearing a fabulous red dress that suited beautifully with her fantastic golden hair. Faye was dressing her black sequined dress, the one Spike liked so much. They were the center of attention of all the male gazes in the club.  
Julia loved the fancy nightclubs, and Faye wasn't used to spending so much money on drinks. However, most of the time they didn't pay, since everyone in that damn city knew the blonde. And everyone wanted to humor her.

As a result, no one bothered them while they consumed their expensive drinks in a corner of the private room.

“You don't look good.”

“I haven't enjoyed a proper sleep these past few days,” Faye said, downplaying the importance of it. Needless to say, she barely slept at all. That she was wandering the streets because she didn't want to be at home. Or that when her body couldn't handle it, she'd fall numb anywhere. Waking up amid screams from hideous nightmares. Lifeless bodies in the clinic with her face. With the businessman's face. Even the sleeping pills didn't work for her. “Have you talked to him?” she finally asked, without looking at Julia's face.

Faye doubted what kind of response she would expect. Not even why she was asking. Jealous? She didn't know and even if didn't want to, couldn't help herself. Spike had loved Julia for many years. These things cannot be forgotten.

“Vicious has called him a couple of times when I was there,” she replied as nothing had happened. “He sounded pretty good.”

It didn't matter what Julia believed. It wasn't her he wanted to talk to. Maybe Spike was just a nice guy who needed something to settle for. So the fool was her. But it hurt.

“I still believe what I told you that day,” Julia said as if she had read her mind. "If he hasn't talked to you, it's for some absurd reason because that's the unique way his head works.”

"It doesn't matter,” Faye whispered, not thinking clearly. She was too tired. All she needed was a few hours of sleep without dreaming.

Julia gazed at her the pity she saw reflected in her eyes made Faye angrier. She didn't need anyone's compassion.

“How about working with Vicious?” Julia asked, changing the topic, which Faye thanked from the bottom of her heart. “He is not an easy person.”

“Not so good, with Annie it was all easier,” she answered, surprised by the sincerity of her own words.

“I can imagine, this is not simple at all, getting up every day and looking at yourself in the mirror,” Julia sounded sincere too. Tired, as if she had given up. “Some days are real torture.”

“How have you endured all these years?” Faye asked she couldn't understand. Julia was clever, beautiful, and determined. She could be anywhere she wanted to be. “Why?”

“Because I have nothing else, I don't know anything else... And it's better than what I had before,” Julia said in a melancholy voice. Faye didn't want to imagine what Julia's life was like before the Red Dragon, to make this seem better to her. “Besides, Spike taught me an efficient coping mechanism.”

Julia smiled, shaking her hair like she wanted to erase all the negative thoughts from her head.

“And what is that?”

“Sex and drugs” Julia extended the hand and revealed a pair of pills to her. Took one to the mouth and offered the other to her.

“I don't think that will work for me,” Faye said, looking at the pink pill with a smiling alien on it.

Julia laughed and Faye swallowed the pill. Fuck the world.

**

Hours later they were dancing like crazy in the middle of the floor. Letting themselves be carried away by the music. The green lights made her dress shine and Faye laughed at it.

Vicious made his way across the floor, standing out from the crowd. Julia's face lit up at the sight of him. He smiled too, and it was the first human emotion Faye saw in him.  
He grabbed Julia by the waist, said something in her ear, Julia looked at him, worried, and nodded her head.

They approached her to say goodbye and before leaving Julia put another pill in her hand that Faye swallowed without thinking.

And she kept on dancing like she was underwater. Everything sounded distant and distorted. Miles away. The lights that once seemed funny to her were odd now.

A guy with a beard, handsome, came over to talk to her. She couldn't hear him but still smiled, and he began to dance with her.  
He talked and talked, but she didn't understand a word. In her head, there were only lights and music. Drowned by a huge ocean.

The hands grabbing her waist moved to her butt. He kissed her, and his tongue was almost aggressive in her mouth.

As they parted, she could do nothing but smile. He smiled too and gripped her by the hand. Faye walked behind him. She crossed the dance floor, still moving her body at the sound of the music.  
The lights were too brilliant and blinded her. She bumped into other people who were also dancing.

They stopped to receive their jackets from the closet. And he kissed her again while they waited.

Outside it was very cold, maybe he was taking her to a warmer place. Which is what she needed. Warmth. The guy with the beard, that if he had told her his name she didn't remember, unlocked the car door. Faye went inside and he did the same.

He looked at her with desire as he ran his hands up her back. Unzipped her dress, letting it fall to her waist, as he kissed her neck.

the man had gentle hands and held her tightly as he touched her breasts. And as he slid his hands down her thighs to remove her panties. Carefully pushed her onto the car seat and lay down on her. The beard scratched her face as he kissed her.

All Faye could think of was that she would have to tell Spike about this. If she ever saw him again.

“Move on, baby,” whispered the man with the beard in her ear between gasps.

She should be at home rather than there, Spike's method was pure garbage. She felt worse than before.

The guy was panting in her ear as he pushed hard against her. So she moved, as she did with Declan, to get it over with.

Faye opened the entrance saying goodbye to the guy who had driven her to the door.  
Walked up the stairs that led to the apartment holding on to the railing. The effects of the ecstasy still blurred her vision.

She came into the house and dragged her feet into the room. Not taking off her shoes, she dropped on the bed, hugging her knees.

Waiting for the black hole to consume her.


	17. Three words

* * *

Three words can alter everything.

Three words had changed the course of the ship.

“Mao is dead.”

Spike received the knock and kept on working. Like every day for the last five months. Ten hours straight. Non-stop.

His punishment wasn't as harsh as he had imagined. Hand-working. Loading and unloading on every planet. Maintenance of the engines. Cleaning. Cooking. Anything.

Five months away from violence. Five months away from home. Five months clean.

His mind was lucid. Now he perceived things clearly. Everything. The wasted years. The time he had wasted on standby. The excesses. The betrayals. What he really desired.

The other crew members called him the monk. Cause instead of going out to get drunk every time they arrived in port, the brief free time he had was spent on reading, training, or even meditating. And he felt good.

Until now, Mao had died. The whole meaning of that, all the changes that were to come. His head was spinning.

He went back to his cabin and threw himself on his bunk, exhausted. Mao was dead.

There was a hole in his heart. That he couldn't process.

Spike rummaged among his things, the phone that Vicious had given him on the sly would be full of messages.

He was mistaken. There was nothing but a voice mail in his inbox.

Three more words. A defeated voice. A sad whisper, almost a sigh.

“I need you.”

Hadn't been able to contact Faye. Every night he sat up in bed with the phone in his hand. But he couldn't dial.

He wanted to hear her voice but feared falling into bad habits to overcome her absence.

Or maybe he was just a coward afraid that she had forgotten him.

He dialed her phone number, and the tones rang forever until the voice mail jumped out. It wasn't even her voice but a stupid automatic recording.

And said the unique thing that he wanted to tell Faye since he boarded.

“I'm coming home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter of all.  
> The fic is coming to an end and I return to Spike's POV again. 
> 
> I hope I can wrap up the plot and give you a proper ending. Thank you all very much for being there. And for spending your time reading me. 
> 
> Anyway, stay safe, and thank you again. I won't get tired of saying it.


	18. You can't handle the truth

* * *

The house was empty, but at least Faye's things were still there. His fear was that she had left. He knew something was wrong. Spike had called her, several times, but Faye didn't answer. He had heard the message a million times, and each time it was a punch in the gut.

It was not the only one of his concerns and perhaps not the most urgent. He took a long shower and put on a black suit. It was a long space flight, and he did not arrive in time for Mao's funeral.

He walked through the cemetery, alone and in silence. There was something beautiful about it. Peace and quiet, maybe. The Mao's had a big family pantheon, and the Red Dragon made a big show of it. Mao's grave was full of Chrysanthemums. Red and yellow, the colors of the syndicate.

It was a beautiful and frightening sight.

There was nothing more to say, it was hard to say goodbye to the closest thing to a father he ever had. Mao had raised him, fed him, and guided him, perhaps on a convoluted path, but through him, he was where he was. He owed him his life.

He stood in front of the grave for a long time and tried to find the right words. A thank you, a goodbye, a reproach. All he knew was that things must be said to the living, the dead offer no comfort.

A few steps echoed across the gravel and came closer. Annie stood beside him and sighed.

"I didn't stop coming since he died, I still cannot believe it," she murmured and ran her fingers over the stone.

"What happened?" asked Spike, lighting a cigarette.

"A heart attack," she replied bluntly.

"I did not know he was sick."

"He wasn't" Annie gestured for a cigarette."Everything seems so convenient..."

"What do you mean?"

"You killed the wrong man and..." she growled, Annie was furious. A lot.

"Annie, I have been working on this for over ten years and I know how far I can go. He was still alive when I left there," he interrupted her, pissed. He had paid for something he hadn't done, but he did not want to let it be thrown in his face at every opportunity.

"Stop it, Spike, I don't want to know, the less I know, the safer I feel," Annie threw the cigarette on the floor after only one puff. And she gave him a look full of reproach.

"Annie, I don't understand what you're saying," Spike replied confused.

"Mao was the best of us all, boy. Things are going to change a lot around here, and I don't think for the better," Annie murmured, kissed her fingertips and stroked Mao's grave with them. "'I am going back to the shop. I have a lot to do."

"I'll take you back," he said as they left the cemetery.

"You won't find her there," Annie said without looking at him.

"What?" He didn't know what bothered him more than that Annie had discovered his intentions or that he would not find Faye.

"She doesn't work with me anymore. She's with Vicious now," Annie gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder but smiled sadly.

"Why?" he asked, trying not to sound alarmed. He didn't like what was going on.

"Order from above," Annie shrugged and shook her head."Obey and be quiet."

"I know,"

****

He went into the quarters of Red Dragon and had the feeling that all eyes were on him as he climbed the stairs.

Vicious's office was full of people. They all seemed quite busy, and not all of them were the usual toady lickers accompanying his friend. Vicious raised his head when he heard him come in and smiled openly.

"At last, the prodigal son," Vicious said as he left the table to greet him, "Welcome home, Spike."

Vicious had his katana hanging on his belt. His hair was tied up in a bun, and he wore a gray suit. He looked like a different person.

"What is all the fuss about?" Spike said as he looked around.

"There are a lot of things to solve here," Vicious said, leaning against the table.

"And will you do it?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, it seems so," Vicious smiled back, but it was as fake as his."I have ordered the cleaning of your office, wait for me there, I'll be right with you soon."

He left the office at a slow pace and felt the sweat slide down his spine. All he could hear was his heartbeat. He pressed the door with one hand, and the light went on automatically.

He smoked cigarette after cigarette with his eyes on the door.

_"I'm not going to last forever, and someone has to be the face of the syndicate after me,"_

Mao's words echoed in his head again and again.

Vicious stepped resolutely into the office. He opened his jacket, which revealed his sword, and lowered his head slightly.

"At last we are alone."

"Yes."

They were silent, watching, and waiting for the other to make a move.

"From now on you should move into your apartment in the upper town," Vicious told him as if he were talking to a dog.

"Are you going to tell me where to live?" he replied and could not hide his anger.

"It's a question of image."

"So you're in charge now?"

"Not yet, the Van has to make it official," Vicious remarked with a triumphant smile.

"I see..." Spike bent over the table and smiled in an arrogant way.

"You don't look very happy," Vicious smiled back and took a step towards him.

"I had been out and still cannot get used to the changes," he said and was still smiling.

"You will."

"How did Mao die?" Even though Spike knew the answer, he wanted to hear it from his lips.

"A heart attack," Vicious said and shrugged as if nothing mattered.

"Where is Faye?" Spike demanded the tension was like a bug biting his neck. He could not even hide it from his voice.

"Working," he said flat out, something was shaking in his stomach, and Vicious noticed this."When this all calms down, I'll return her to you, if you want it."

"She's not a piece of furniture," Spike replied faster than he wished, and Vicious grinned.

"Don't take things so seriously," he added as he walked through the office.

"I don't think it's funny."

"It is not,"

They remained silent again and measured each other. Something in his head, something urged him to reach for his gun. The man before him was his best friend. Vicious' phone rang and suddenly the two were back to normal.

"We'll keep talking later. You know where to find me," Vicious said as he walked out the door.

***

Spike left the building, had to breathe clean air, had to calm his mind. He needed to get out of this sick environment. Right, through the door he heard a choked sigh and turned around. Faye looked at him with eyes wide open. She leaned against the wall with a smoke in her hand. She was very thin and looked exhausted. He swallowed before smiling.

"I am back" was the first thing that came to his mind.

"I see," she muttered as if she did not believe he was really there.

"You have not returned my messages," he said, taking a small step towards her still smiling. He didn't want his voice to sound reproachful, but he couldn't help it either.

"I couldn't," she muttered, looking away. She flicked the cigarette on the floor and stomped on it with her boots.

After almost six months of not knowing anything about her, this is not what he was expecting to find, she seemed to be ill.

"You are very thin," Spike said, leaning his back against the wall next to Faye.

"I have a lot of work," she explained as if that were enough justification.

He stood in front of her and not quite sure what to do, put his arms around her.

"I've missed you, little one," he whispered against her hair.

She didn't hug him back. She just stood there quietly, her head resting on his chest.

"I have been with someone," she said after an eternity.

It was like whiplash. He parted from her, and a nervous laugh escaped his lips.

"Who? Do I know him?"He tried to sound calm, but he could not, he was just bitter.

"I don't think so..." Faye looked away, her shoulders were tense and her posture screamed that she wished she was somewhere else than where she was.

"Was that before or after you sent me the message?" Spike asked, holding her forearm.

"Before..." she whispered, her eyes fixed on his hand. "Can you stop grabbing me like this?" she whimpered without raising her voice.

He let go of her arm and walked away from her.

"Do you still see him?" He didn't even know why he was asking that. He was so upset, he just wanted to get out of there.

"No, it was just one night and not one I remember well," she whispered," there were sadness and guilt in her voice.

But he was angry. He had a lot on his mind. He just wanted to scream.

"You know, I was wrong, I didn't want to know," he said, aware that he had asked for it, but he was happier in ignorance.

"I already suspected it," she muttered, turning her back on him.

He did not know how to react, he did not know what to say. He was angry, furious. His whole world was falling apart. Everything he believed in, everyone he trusted, seemed to betray him. He went back to the quarters without knowing what to do next.

Julia was in his office sitting at the table. She was wearing her hair up and a black leather skirt with an aperture that reached almost to her hip. Spike stood at the door and looked at her attentively.

"I heard you were back," Julia smiled politely and clutched some papers from the table.

"Yes", his voice came out without emotion. His head was somewhere else. Actually, he wanted to go out and find Faye and ask her a million more questions. Or just hug her.

"I'm so glad we needed you here," Julia looked at him curiously, and he went into the office.

"So now Vicious will lead us?" he asked cynically.

"You don't look very happy," Julia smiled maliciously and pulled the pencil that was holding her hair, which fell like a waterfall on her shoulders.

"I have many questions."

"You'd better not formulate it." He did not expect this tone from her, distant and cold. It almost sounded like a warning.

"Do you think that is convenient?" he asked incredulously, Julia knew Vicious better than anyone else, Vicious was a dangerous man. He possessed no measure, no mercy.

"I think he will be an inspirational leader," she said, although there was no passion in her voice. He smiled with indifference. He had forgotten that Julia didn't care about anything. "The changes will be good."

Julia gave him a warm smile, and something flipped in his head, he came closer and bent over to kiss her.

"What are you doing?" she asked and tossed her head back to get away from him.

"I think that is pretty obvious," he grunted and crossed his arms.

"What about Faye?" she asked angrily, judging him with a look.

"Since when are you interested in such things?" he replied.

"You still do not get it, do you? I have an agreement with Vicious. I am not fooling anyone," she crossed her arms and shook her head. "You are not like that. You should not cheat on her..."

"You should tell her that," he replied in a bitter mood.

"When?" she asked incredulously. "Who told you that?"

“More than two weeks ago, before Mao died," he said, holding one hand to his hair. He needed a cigarette. He reached into his jacket and put it to his lips.

"The night we were in ecstasy?" Julia lit his cigarette when she got another one for herself.

"The night of what? Shit, Julia, you are like poison, you corrupt everything."

The slap was painful, and Julia's look of repugnance even more so. The tobacco fell from his lips and burned on the carpet.

"I do not know what happened or what the hell you are complaining about, but you are a damn insensitive person, you only think about yourself and nothing else," she said standing up and gave him a push to get out of her way. "You have been away for six months and have not even called her. Did you expect her to wait for you at the harbor, knitting tapestries? Take responsibility for your actions, Spike. Grow up.”

"You are unfair, Jules," he defended himself."I have been away for almost six months, and when I come back, everything's wrong."

"And you behave like a child. When did things have gone well?" Julia sighed and patted him on the shoulder. "Stop whining and confront the truth."

****

Darkness fell on the church. It was a warm and pleasant night. But his mind was elsewhere, in the distant words of Mao. In Vicious's attitude, Julia's indifferent. Faye. Everything fell apart.

He walked down the corridor. The atmosphere was laden with dust. He danced on the beams of light. Vicious was waiting for him as he sat on the stairs to the altar.He smoked, and when he saw him arriving, smiled in arrogance. The huge cross cast its shadow over him.

"You always love a good drama," Spike said and walked towards him.

"Our image represents the part of us that we sell," Vicious replied, stretching out his arms to point at his surroundings.

"What are you selling?" asked Spike and threw his cigarette butt at his feet.

"Fear."

"Did you kill Mao?" He didn't have the time or the mood for bullshit, for Vicious's stupid games.

"It was not my hand, but my command." Vicious stood up and stood a few inches away from his face.

"Did you force me into exile?" Spike didn't even blink. He already knew the answer. A smile spread across his friend's face, and he smiled back.

"Yes,"

He punched him, but Vicious didn't wipe the smile off his face. He spat on the floor and wiped the blood from his mouth with his shirt sleeve.

"Why?" he asked, clenching his sore fist.

"Mao, the Van, everybody wanted you in charge, I just wanted you out of the way, I wanted them to lose the trust they had in you.” Vicious explained, unable to hide his disdain. 

"I never wanted to be in charge," Spike replied. He was sincere. He wasn't interested. The only thing he wanted was to live one more day and keep going. 

"When did Red Dragon respond to our wishes?” Vicious asked.

"Now what?" He took the hand to his forehead and rubbed the tip of his nose. 

"Changes." remarked Vicious with a wild smile that made him shudder.

"I may not like them." Spike was tired of being a slave. He had been a slave of Mao, of the Van and now he would be a slave of Vicious. 

"You will have to try harder than that."

His voice was cruel and the conversation was getting tenser and tenser. Spike had always trusted Vicious, he was his brother. For many years Vicious was the only person who stood by his side. He would have given his life for him. 

"Will I have to shut up and obey you? Look away knowing you killed Mao?”

"Look anywhere you want, Spike. You always knew that one of us would end up calling the shots. If you think about it, I did you a favor.”

"Your arrogance is impressive," Spike smiled as he took a step back.

"Your innocence is disgusting," Vicious said mimicking each one of his movements. 

Vicious took his hand to the hilt of the Katana and drew it, he did the same with his Jerico. They looked at each other, without moving. The air was thick around them. Vicious' agitated breathing accompanied his own. Pull the trigger, in this situation the end of everything. He would die right there, without ever seeing Faye again, without ever caressing her. He closed his eyes, so he could hear the sound of her laughter. He needed to hear it again, one last time. 

"Do not count on me for this shit," Spike said, keeping his gun in its holster, turning his back on Vicious as he left the church. 

  
"Spike, if you walk out that door, you have to take the consequences." shouted Vicious as he walked through the door. 

***

  
The bathroom light was on, he went over and leaned against the door frame. Faye put on lipstick and looked at him through the reflection of the mirror. The color of the lipstick matched the color of her dress. She was wearing a long, wine-red dress, she looked beautiful, although it was not difficult, as if she was going to an elegant party.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

"To work..." She couldn't avoid a tired sigh, and at that moment he forgot everything that had happened, he didn't care. it would be enough to hold her in his arms. 

"I don't think that is a good idea," he whispered and got stuck in the door.

"I have no time for rubbish," she grunted and looked away from him.

"Okay, I just wanted to tell you that I am leaving Red Dragon, I am quitting," he explained and was relieved when the words came out of his mouth. He had wanted to say that for so long. So long that he wanted to do it. This shitty life had torn him apart. It had dehumanized him, and it would do the same to her. "You should do the same."

Faye said nothing, did not even turn around, kept looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, like she wanted to add something. Like she was expecting something. But neither of them said a word. He was sick of everything. Living his life in an impossible dead end. Of lies and betrayal.

He turned around, the decision was made. There was no turning back, he gave up everything. It was time to make decisions.

He left the bathroom with slow steps. He didn't want to say goodbye to her. Not like that.

"Wait, Spike... were you using me to get over Julia?" Her voice came to him, tense and angry.

"How can you think that?" He turned to her. He was very close to her but needed to be closer, and he shortened the distance between them.

"Don't touch me, just answer my question," she demanded, taking a step back. Crossing her arms over her chest.

He looked away, mad, he couldn't believe that Faye would think that way, what kind of person did she think he was? He didn't deserve to be questioned like that. Could not she see how difficult all this was for him?

He saw a car parked in front of the door from which several armed men came out. So Vicious did not want to make it easy for him. He had not imagined it any other way. He had no time to lose.

Faye's leather jacket was folded over the sofa, and he grabbed it and threw it at her. She blinked confusedly and hugged the jacket.

"We can't stay here," and without waiting for her to say anything, he grabbed her hand and ran out of the house.

They ran up the stairs until they were almost out of breath. Faye didn't say anything, but she followed him, and that was enough. He could hear her breathing, shaken from running, but he didn't want to look back. She could disappear like Eurydice and be lost forever in the underworld.

The Swordfish rested on the roof of the building. With the wings spread.

"You finally got it," Faye whispered, finally letting go of his hand.

"Doohan told me Annie's girl went there every day to blackmail him with coffee and sweets to persuade him to sell it to me," he replied, turning to look at her.

Faye blushed and made him smile, but she didn't smile back.

"There's only room for one," she murmured, looking away.

A powerful explosion made them stagger, Faye screamed in fear, and he reached out his hand to her, who looked at him hesitantly.

"Get on, damn it," he yelled and grabbed her by the wrist, there was no way he was going to let Faye stay there.

They went into the Swordfish and flew out there.


	19. Closing time

* * *

They didn't talk the whole way to Alba City, the nearest colony to Tharsis. Not even while searching for a motel to hide in.  
Part of him was afraid that Faye might run away at any moment. He wanted to tell her a lot of things. That at least Faye was aware of how much he cared. Make her believe in him. Spike watched her as she walked a couple of steps ahead of him.

Faye looked like she had run away from a wedding or an extravagant party. In that wine-colored dress, that was driving him crazy. Spike in his black suit looked exactly the same. If it wasn't so fucked up it would be funny. They stopped at the first cheap hotel they found. He needed to get his head in order. To think coldly what to do next.

The room was close to the street and had a large window from which one could examine the outside. Faye stepped into the room and threw her jacket on the bed. He followed her while keeping an eye on the street and stood by the window. She gave him a defiant look.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is happening?" she snarled in anger, walking around the room.

"Vicious doesn't like that I'm quitting my job," Spike replied with a voice full of sarcasm.

"And why did you kidnap me?" she asked again, lighting a cigarette without bearing her eyes off him.

"I didn't kidnap you," that almost made him smile, almost made him go up to her and kiss her. Although her eyes said if you came close I would stab you.

"Call it whatever you want," replied Faye sitting on the dresser.

Faye gave him a sneer that made him furious. Was no one going to give him a break? Mao had been killed by the man he had protected for most of his life. Vicious had betrayed him and now wanted to kill him as well. Faye didn't believe in him. All he could feel was sadness and anger.   
Spike couldn't take another minute of the crap he'd been suffering since he came home.   
When all he had wanted during the time he was away was to return to his normal life. To return to her. 

"I'm not in the mood. You have no idea what this means to me," said Spike, covering his face with the hands.

"Of course not, Spike. I don't have a clue about this. You don't tell me anything," she screamed, "How should I know?

"What do you want to know?" Spike snapped as well. He didn't want to lose control, but hundreds of emotions were running through his head.

"Stop yelling at me," Faye shouted. Her cheeks were glowing with rage. And she was clinging tightly to the edge of the furniture.

"Stop being so..." he replied abruptly, his voice sounding harsh and full of disdain.

"So what? Whore?" She uttered that last word with such rage that it made him tremble. Faye stood up and clamped her lips. As if she was holding back everything she desired to express. "You're so mad because I fucked someone else that you don't realize what a hypocrite you are," she said at last. She was shaking with pure anger. "You give me nothing, nothing to hold on to, you think that by hugging me you have everything fixed, but I don't know anything! I simply want to understand... "

"What do you want to know? That I grew up in an orphanage run by nuns who abused children? Or do you prefer knowing that when I was fifteen I ran away from there and lived on the streets, stealing or consuming food from containers? Because I have a lot of shit to tell, Faye.  
The fact that Vicious has been my only family for years... And now he wants me dead for a piece of power" the words escaped his lips almost by accident, it was painful. He had never said that out loud before. His life was full of misery. "That the sole thing I know is violence. That I'm a fucking drug addict. What do you want me to say, Faye?" He realized he was shaking but couldn't stop."You want to know how I've killed people who maybe didn't deserve it, that I've seen people who I loved, die?"

"I'm sorry..." she murmured sorrowfully, looking down. 

Spike didn't want her pity, he didn't want to be the guy with the sad story. Gave her a gesture to stop talking, he didn't want any questions. Nor did he want to keep talking about all that. 

"I'm tired of all this shit, Faye. I can't bear this," he sighed, smiling in bitterness. "I don't know how to do better than I do."

"Neither do I," Faye replied, holding a hand up to her eyes.

"That's why your honesty ruined me every time, I comprehend what you've been through..." Spike smiled once more and put both hands in his pockets. "But if it helps, I've always been true to you, ever since I met you..." he laughed nervously and gasped for air to keep going. "Since I met you, I realized I was in a very dark place and you...I..." He fell silent, he couldn't go on. "You deserve better."

"You have no right to make that decision for me." Faye didn't even look up from the floor.

"I know... It's just advice. I have chosen to start from scratch, you do what you want" he sighed and turned around to flee the room.

"Is this how you say goodbye to me?" she asked in sorrow.

He didn't want to look at her or resolve her question.

"You should get out of Alba City as soon as possible. The Red Dragon will start looking around. I guess you'll have a day or two head start until they get everything organized," he said from the door frame without daring to look at her.

"Don't abandon me, not you, please," she whispered, in the same tone of voice she had used in that voice message that now seemed so far away.

"Then why don't you come with me," Spike whispered, not daring to turn around and look at her.

"You haven't asked me," she replied in a somber mood.

"What?" he asked in disbelief, turning around to confront her. "You have rejected me. You wouldn't let me speak or touch you," he shouted, raising his arms in exasperation.

"Because you were leaving without me," she cried out as well.

"It didn't seem like you wanted to come," shouted Spike even louder.

"What?" Faye said in a breath, pressing her hands to the chest.

Spike couldn't hold back a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It was so hilarious, his chest hurt, and his heart ached, but he was unable to stop laughing. He looked at her but Faye burst into tears.

"Damn it," he whispered as he moved closer to her.

He tenderly took her face and bent over her.

"Don't kiss me" she sobbed as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Ok," he replied, smiling and releasing her. Spike remained with his arms crossed, watching her cry.

"If you won't allow me to hug you, at least stop crying..." he mumbled.

"Fuck you," she replied furiously with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Okay," repeated Spike, letting out a long sigh."You know, I think we have a serious communication issue."

Faye leaned against the wall and looked up. Her eyes shone, and she wiped the tears from her face.

His heart was racing, she gripped him by the lapels and brought him close, and kissed him.

"You're nothing but trouble, Spiegel," she whispered, barely breaking away from him.

"And you're a pain in the ass," he replied, kissing her again.

"I missed you so much that almost hurt" Faye caressed his face and smiled in a kind way.

"Like a knife in the gut," he replied with a tender voice, kissing her again.

Faye unbuttoned his tie as he reached down through the slit in her skirt.

He went kissing her neck and shoulder as he slid the strap of her dress and Faye unbuttoned his shirt, running her hands over his chest. Kissing him, biting him, licking him.

Everything became urgency and desire against the wall of a crappy roadhouse motel.

****

With her head between her arms and her hands leaning against the wall, Faye was trying to recover her breath. Her hair covered her face, and she could barely move. Her legs were shaking, and she was covered in sweat, exhausted. It was a breathtaking sight. Spike, with his back to the wall, was panting. Their clothes were all over the place. He looked at her unable to quit smiling and she smiled back.

"That was intense," she said, holding one hand to her chest, "I don't know if I'll ever be capable to walk again."

"I've spent six months in a fucking ship, Valentine," he bent down and bit her on the shoulder, and left his head resting on it."Six months of handwork." Spike winked, and she gently tapped him on the head.

"You're so romantic," Faye joked, kissing his head.

They both laughed.

"Shut the fuck up. It's three o'clock in the morning, at first you yell at each other and then you fuck, go to sleep for once" someone screamed, knocking hard on the wall.

Faye hid her face with the hands, trying to cover her laughter, but she couldn't. He pulled away from the wall, sat up on the bed, and extended his hand towards her, Faye smiled, took his hand, and hugged him. He was holding her in his arms again. Naked and happy, he wished to make time stop. With his head resting on her chest and Faye playing with his hair.

"I really dreamt that I heard you laughing" Spike confessed with a huge smirk on his lips even though she couldn't see it.

"Did you?" Faye asked, and he detected the smile in her voice.

"It's worthier in real life."

"You're a damn charmer...You always know what to say, huh?" She teased."That's your superpower..."

He kissed between her breasts and tightened her against him.

"We should move on, Alba City is the first place they are going to seek us," he muttered as he separated from her. "We can't use the money from the bank accounts, they will track us right away. We're broke."

" I've always been broke, it's not a problem. Where are we going to go?" She asked, bending down to pick up her underwear."

"My plan was to stow away on a ship in the harbor and start wherever I went," explained Spike, looking for his underwear under the bed.

"That must be the stupidest plan I've ever heard," she said, placing her hands on her hips.

"Thank you for your support," replied Spike as he dressed, blushing.

"Won't it be easier to ask for a ride in exchange for work? You wouldn't have to abandon your hard-earned ship. You don't always have to commit a crime, you know? " she asked, grasping his head and giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"Beautiful, smart, and best of all... sensible," said Spike as he placed his hands on her waist and skimmed them up to her butt.

"Don't suck up to me, Spike," she replied, tucking her fingers between his curls.

He took her in his arms and laid down on the bed in a swift motion.

"So... everything's okay?" Spike asked as he laid over her, patting her face.

"We have a lot to fix in us," she whispered, rubbing his chin with her fingertips. 

"But do we have a chance?"

"We have a chance."

Spike lay on her. Covering her with kisses. He no longer cared about what happened from now on. For the first time in his life, he felt real happiness. And even if it didn't last beyond this second, it would have been worth feeling her affection and her tenderness.

***

Faye put the huge leather jacket on her dress. She looked very funny and hit him on the shoulder when he made fun of her. He adored her. They went out into the street, it was barely dawn and there was no one around. 

No one but Julia who was waiting next to the Swordfish and approached them at sight. He could hear Faye gasping at his back. Spike turned and handed her the keys of the ship.

"Don't even think about it," Faye said before giving him time to say anything.

"Listen, go to the dock, find us a ride, and..." Spike grabbed Faye by the hand, trying to calm her down. "You can fly in the autopilot, just enter the address..."

"Don't fuck with me, Spike. Don't even think about it," she interrupted him, returning the keys.

"I know I'm asking a lot from you, but trust me," he picked her by the shoulders and smiled frankly."I will return to you."

"Okay..." Faye mumbled dejectedly as he kissed her cheek.

Faye didn't even want to look at him when she parted from him, got on the Swordfish, and disappeared from there leaving a hole in his heart.

"She really loves you, right? asked Julia with a hint of curiosity in her voice. 

"How did you find me?" he asked, confronting her. Avoiding her question outright. 

"It's my job, Spike, find the one who's hiding," she replied in a serious tone, making a mockery of a smile, but there was nothing kind about it. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye to me?

"I didn't have any choice. Our beloved leader has passed my sentence," he replied in an ironic tone that seemed to upset her.

"You know Vicious, you know he'll never let you go," she explained as if there were some reason for it. 

"I knew my friend, not who he has become," replied Spike. 

"He's always been hungry for power, he's not the one who's changed," Julia smiled in arrogance. 

"Maybe I felt so guilty about sleeping with you that I wasn't able to see it," he retorted with sarcasm.

"Maybe... then it's your fault." 

"What do you want, Julia?" he asked. No need to beat around the bush. 

"You feel he is betraying you. He feels the same way about you" answered Julia moving closer to him.

"And you're in the middle of it all," Spike said not moving a bit.

"No, I have chosen sides."

"The wrong one."

"You're wrong, I'm where I want to be," Julia replied with a smile, "Just like you."

"It's not the same," he protested, smiling back at her.

"We are moved by our hearts" Julia drew her gun and smiled sadly as she pointed it at him."You were very important to me, a hope, but Vicious and I were equal, I want the same as him."

"I hope you can be happy," Spike said as he closed his eyes.

"Me too."

And she shot.

***

The road through the docks was taking forever. Further bleeding from a gunshot wound.

He didn't see Faye anywhere. Perhaps it was because he felt dizzy and his vision was blurred.

Till he saw her running towards him. She had style even running in heels. He opened his arms to greet her, but she stopped in her tracks at the sight of him.

"You're bleeding... Julia has shot you?" She babbled nervously taking a small step towards him. "Why?"

"I am dead," he answered cryptically.

"What? Where did she hurt you?" She asked in a panicked voice, as she looked at the wound on his shoulder. "Can we fix it? Why are you laughing?"

"Faye..." he said, holding her hand.

"I don't see the other wound," she said, trying desperately to look through his clothes. Her hands were shaking as well as her voice.

"Faye...listen..." He said quietly, holding her arms to make her stop.

"No," she shouted, slapping his hand as she opened his jacket in desperation.

"Would you listen to me for a second?" He took her face and forced her to look into his eyes. "The dead have no enemies."

"What?" she asked through her tearful eyes. She blinked, and the tears poured down her face.

"I'm a dead man, Valentine," he said with a smile as he wiped the drops from her cheeks. "Julia is the only person Vicious trusts blindly, do you understand? I am dead to them."

"Are we free?" he asked in a babble.

"We'll have to be careful, but yes," he whispered, placing his lips on hers. "We are free."

"Spike... You need a lesson in how to deliver news, you idiot," she grunted, giving him a nudge as she parted from him.

"Yes...I guess so," Spike replied bringing a hand to his sore shoulder.

"I found a ride," Faye explained, trying to pull herself together.

"I knew you would."

She helped him walk to the end of the dock. There, an old fishing boat rocked over the calm waters of the artificial sea of Mars.

The Swordfish was resting on the deck and a large, bald man peeked out when he heard them arrive.

"I see your partner has arrived," he said, helping them on board. He looked up and down and pointed to his injured shoulder. "What is that?"

"I've been solving problems," he said with a friendly smile.

"I hope you don't solve everything with guns, kid," Faye chuckled, and he gave her a peek."You know what? I don't want to know? We left for Ganymede right away. I'm Jet by the way."

"Spike," he replied shaking his hand. " We don't have any money, Jet."

"I figure it out... I'm not going to charge you for the trip, I was going to move anyway. You can stay in Ganimide or move again, but I could use a hand." Jet explained as they advanced into the ship.

"Are you a fisherman?" Spike asked curiously looking around.

"A bounty hunter" Jet give him a big, honest smile.

"That sounds good," he replied smiling back at the man.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this is the end! 
> 
> There is a little epilogue left. But the fic ends here! 
> 
> Thank you very much to everyone for your words. It has been a lot of fun and gratifying. I hope you liked it.  
> thank you, thank you a thousand times!


	20. Epilogue

* * *

Probably the stupidest idea he'd had in a long time. It was risky enough to be on Mars without getting close to Tharsis. Especially for something as trivial as that. But being reckless was part of his personality. He sighed, Faye was going to kill him. But it was worth dying in her arms.  
  
He hated Mars, even though Jet's berth was in Alba City, he did everything he could to avoid traveling there. Not to mention that every time the Bebop docked on Mars, Faye suffered from anxiety and he went through endless sleepless nights. Jet was suspicious that something was going on, after all, he had been a cop. But he was a good guy and didn't ask personal questions. However, if they were there, something worthy would come out of it.  
  
The little boy ran over, bearing a copious amount of bags, delivered him the shopping, and waited for his tip. After the exchange, Spike loaded the Swordfish and returned to the Bebop without wasting any time.  
  
Spike grasped the things he had bought off the ship. He stretched out the cloth on the Bebop deck. He placed the napkins, glasses, and cutlery on it. Opened a bottle of wine to air it. He hesitated over the small vase with the plastic flowers but placed it there too.  
  
He sighed satisfied and went inside the Bebop to look for her. Faye was lying on the sofa, reading a book. Spike leaned against the railing to stare at her before saying anything. She was focused and didn't even realize he was there.  
  
Spike whistled to capture her attention, which Faye hated, but he loved the fire in her eyes. And smiled when she gave him a warning look.

"Hello," he waved, and she giggled, rolling the eyes. "A little bird is stuck in the Swordfish engine and I need a hand to get it out," Spike said leaning against the railing.

"Is it dead?" Faye asked, leaving the book on the table. "Poor thing."

A less horrible excuse would have been better.

"No," he answered, pulling away from the railing, "Come on, let's go."

Faye walked up the stairs and followed him through the halls, asking him questions about the bird. Sometimes her innocence was overwhelming.

When Faye stood by the Swordfish, rolling up her sleeves, he hugged her from behind and rested his head on her shoulder.

"I lied to you, there's no bird," Spike said and laughed at her angry face. "I'm sorry,"

He took Faye to the deck holding her hand, and she laughed at the sight of the unexpected picnic.  
  
"You have to learn not to make up shitty excuses so that I will listen to you," Faye said with her hands on her hips.  
  
"Sit down, please," he sighed. Faye obeyed and sat on the floor cross-legged while laughing."Close your eyes."  
  
"Are you going to poison me?" she asked, still laughing. "You cooked once and it went well, you shouldn't push your luck."  
  
"Shut up, Faye," Spike replied, kissing her hair.  
  
He placed in front of her the boxes of food he had bought from "Su's Kitchen" and coughed to gain her attention. Faye opened her eyes and reacted exactly as he had expected.  
  
"You've been to Tharsis?" She asked alarmed at the sight of the bags over the cloth. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"I've been cautious," Spike added, opening the boxes one by one and carefully placing them on the table cloth.  
  
"What does that mean?" Faye asked, making a dodge to get up. "'That was unnecessary..."  
  
Spike grabbed her by the wrist, and she sat down again.  
  
"I know," he said, caressing her hand, using his best puppy eyes. "But I wanted to surprise you."  
  
"With what, your dead body?" she grunted raging and looking away.  
  
Spike sighed, grabbed her face in both hands, and kissed her frown.

"Faye, look at me," he insisted and kissed her again, as she looked into his eyes. "Happy birthday."  
  
"You know it's not my real birthday," she replied, trying to get away from him.  
  
"I know and also know it's a difficult date for you," Spike replied resting his head on her forehead. "Last year I ruined it by being with Julia and..."  
  
"What? It wasn't that!" She interrupted him, laughing and clutching his face with both hands. "I mean... it bothered me to see you with her... but I was worried... You weren't a baker, Spike... You didn't come home in three days and... I spent the weekend thinking you were dead in a ditch, somewhere."  
  
"You worry too much, you can't think I'm going to die every time I leave the house,"  
  
"You take too many risks, you can't go to a city where they want to kill you for a takeout."  
  
"Can we declare it a draw?" Spike smiled pointing to the food. "Look, it's from your favorite restaurant."  
  
"You can't cajole me..." Said Faye as she pecked at the food and looked at him sideways.  
  
"Maybe a little?" Spike asked, pinching the boxes himself.  
  
"A little..." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
Faye burst like wildfire, it was her method of self-defense. He just had to endure the blast and be there. Just as she endured his silences and his lack of communication skills. He was grateful that Faye could read him like an open book.  
  
"I'm a charmer," he replied, settling down next to her as she served the food. "All the ladies say so."  
  
"Yeah, I can see them fainting in your wake, Spiegel," Faye joked, giving him a little shoulder push as she poured wine for them both.

"I'll settle for getting that effect on one," Spike replied as kissed her cheek.

"I'm not that delicate."

"That's why I like you so much"

"Don't flatter me, you rascal," she added, pinching his cheek. 

"Don't play the tough girl, sweetheart. I know you adore me," Spike declared gently patting on her thigh. 

"That's why you always win," Faye sighed.

They enjoyed the picnic and ended up a little tipsy after drinking the whole wine and one more bottle.

***  
  
"Will you dance with me?" Faye asked, standing up and extending a hand.  
  
"Of course," he said. Spike grabbed her by the waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I have no music for you," he whispered in her ear, running a hand behind her back.  
  
"Don't worry," Faye said and began singing without raising her voice. " _I want to share your mouthful..._ " Faye sang in his ear. " _I'm gonna bed into you like cat beds into a beanbag_ ," he put his hands on her hips and she continued singing softly in his ear. " _Turn you inside out to lick you like a crisp packet_."  
  
"So you're going to sing me smut, huh?" laughed Spike as they moved delicately, rocked by the waves crashing against the Bebop.  
  
"I'm going to sing you dirty things and make you dirty things..." Faye replied, placing her hands inside the back pockets of his pants.  
  
"I'd like that very much," he whispered, running his hand through her hair, her neck, and the bones of her spine.  
  
"I don't remember it well," she said meditatively as she hugged him. " _Gonna paw paw at you, like cat paws at my woolen jumper..._"  
  
"I'm also going to do a lot of _birthday_ things to you, Valentine," he whispered, emphasizing the birthday word which made her eyes sparkle.  
  
" _Oh, devour me,_ " she whispered, chuckling as she bit his earlobe.  
  
"That's done," said Spike and bore one arm under her backside and hoist her in his arms. Faye burst out laughing, hooking on to him like a koala.

A new chance, freedom, and time are what they had earned and he was going to enjoy every minute of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's over. I wanted to end up with something fluffy. Although I've had a lot of work these days and I'm not very happy with the final result. ha ha ha.
> 
> The song that Faye sings is "Every other freckle by Alt j"  
> Who doesn't want to get out of my head lately :D
> 
> I'm thinking about another fic so I guess that when I put all the ideas in order, I'll come back to pester you. :DD
> 
> Thanks a lot to all of you for being there!


End file.
